


Ages

by FullMetamorphosis



Category: Naruto
Genre: Agnostic Character, Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, Asthma, Body Image, Bullying, Coming of Age, Death, Discrimination, Fear, Humanity, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mangekyou Sharingan, Nihilism, Sexuality, Sharingan, criminals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 13:38:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 76,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16119584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FullMetamorphosis/pseuds/FullMetamorphosis
Summary: Katya Kameneva is the daughter of two of the most renown ex-criminals in the whole world, and she cannot seem to step out of their shadow. If not that, at least she can step out of her village.(AKA, Itachi's daughter leaves to see the world and find herself.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> What you are about to read is five-year old writing by an eighteen-year old and should be treated as such.
> 
> Some elements to keep in mind:  
> \+ Itachi, Deidara, and an original character in the Akatsuki survive and leak their information about the Akatsuki to Konohagakure, preventing most of the bullshit of the latter half of Shippuden.  
> \+ A war did occur, but Obito was ultimately subdued.  
> \+ Itachi and the aforementioned original character settled down and had children after a long-lasting relationship.  
> \+ Madara Uchiha never died; he was just immortal. (Again, this was written by an eighteen-year old.)  
> \+ Many of the characters are also immortal. (EIGHTEEN. YEARS. OLD.)  
> \+ This story follows Itachi's daughter, Katya.
> 
> This story follows themes of sexuality, body image, agnosticism, nihilism, war, etc. Much of the writing is of a mature nature, though it is still suitable for teens. This story is also unfinished and I have no plans to complete it at this time.
> 
> I truly believe there is some gold in this story, just bear in mind the time it was written in - again, eighteen. I was clearly going through things at this time, which affect some of the writing. Feedback is appreciated, but I am not particularly interested in critique (I know I got shit wrong).
> 
> Please enjoy Katya's story as she travels through the world of Naruto!

The smell of sweat and dirt was so strong in my nose it made me gag, but the man carrying me wouldn’t let me go even just to let my head up. His grip was far too tight - carrying me over his shoulder so the tummy exposed by my lifted shirt was rubbed raw by his armor. Every movement of his footsteps jostled me - and it hurt so badly that along with the fear, it made tears bud in my eyes.

I couldn’t be brave. I was too terrified to be.

The man carrying me wasn’t alone - his four or five other friends were with him, leading through the forest away from the village and into the wilderness. I didn’t even know where we were; I’d never been so far out. When I opened my terrified eyes and tried to look, I could only see the trees stretching away from me, as if they were the ones walking away and not me, being carried off.

I sniffled, resisted a sob. The man carrying me noticed - he slammed his hand against my back, and I cried out. “Shut your whining!” his rough voice demanded, and it just made me sob a little more, all too quietly for him to hear. “God dammit, I didn’t know you’d be such a little punk about all of this!”

“She really doesn’t get it, does she?” one of the men asked. I swallowed - another man shouted back at him.

“How would she not ‘get it’?!” he asked. “Her parents are traitors, criminals. They’ll either let her die or walk right into our trap. Either way, that leaves them vulnerable.”

Fear gripped my tiny heart. My parents would never leave me alone like this - would they?! I hiccuped with held tears, felt my lower lip trembling, tried not to cry out-

“Hey!” a slam to the back that made me scream from the impact. “Stupid girl! Just shut your mouth and-”

I couldn’t help it. I screamed.

“MOMMY!”

A streak from the trees, a flash - and somebody else screamed with me.

And I could smell blood.

The man carrying me dropped me, but I was grabbed in other arms, held tight as the world spun like a top. I heard somebody shout - a familiar voice, deep and feminine and just like my mother’s. I gripped onto what I knew was her shirt and squeezed my eyes shut, knowing I was shaking, my heart thudding in my chest as I felt her dash and flip and move, and quickly I realized just how she smelled of apples and cinnamon and copper. And it made my head spin even more.

Suddenly, everything stopped, and I was lowered to the ground. I looked up fast - but it was a shadow of my mother’s face, her brown hair tangled from nerves and eyes glinting and blood covering her neck and her chest. She knelt to my level, quickly kissed my forehead - and then she was gone.

I looked around frantically and immediately saw my dad - my dad and my “grandfather”, standing just feet away, looking at me. But I couldn’t go to them - something made me turn around, ever so slowly, to look at where moments ago, my captors had stood.

So much blood. Carnage.

Corpses.

I felt my heart pound. I knew immediately that my mother had done it - she’d killed them. She’d streaked crimson down their bodies, knocked them down. I saw the one who had carried me - I saw the way he laid on his chest, with his face turned to the side with a short sword - one of my mother’s  _ ronin _ \- shoved through his back. I could even see his eyes - and they were glossed with a white film, like what I used to find inside of the eggshell when I helped my father cook.

My heart kicked in my chest again - and suddenly, my lower lip was trembling, and I was stepping back and pushing my fists into my eyes, because they had started to  _ burn _ . A sob broke from me, and I fell on my knees and trembled, even as I felt somebody approach me from behind and put a warm, friendly hand on my shoulder-

And I couldn’t help it. I howled as the tears shot down my face.


	2. Chapter 2

When I opened my eyes that morning, I was seeing in red and black.

I gasped and shut my eyes tightly as I yanked my covers over my head. I could feel myself trembling - I dragged my knees up to my chest and tried to take steady breaths, tried to expel the memory from my head. It seemed that every time I had that dream, I woke with my Sharingan on - and that was both shocking and scaring.

I felt tears bud at the corner of my eyes, and I shook a tiny bit, once - but I finally felt the chakra slow in my head, and when I opened my eyes, I could only see the shadows underneath my blanket. I gave a sigh of relief, letting myself lower my legs as I blinked in the dark. After a few seconds, I lifted my head from underneath the covers and looked out the window, squinting against the light.  _ Early _ , I thought, and felt a sense of relief for having not overslept.

I sighed - and then I finally rolled over.

Predictably, Shisui was still asleep - most of his head was covered by his blanket, but I could see his closed eyes and rumpled brown hair (like my mom’s) all too easily. He wasn’t snoring, like I sometimes did, but I could hear the soft flutter of his breath against the sheets. Not only that, but I noticed his hair was flopping over his face like a limp fish - it’d need to be cut soon.

(Admittedly, I considered braiding his bangs in his sleep, just because I knew he’d react in the most angry/hilarious fashion, but I resisted the urge.)

Assured he was asleep, safe and sound, I crept out of bed and quickly changed from my pyjamas - more like one of the larger shirts my “grandfather” left behind a few weeks ago - and pulled on my typical boatneck-and-shorts combo. My hair was a tangled mess, of course - it fell past my shoulder blades, the same color as my father’s brown-black, but it was so wavy and unruly that trying to brush it out felt like a futile effort. I yanked it back into a low ponytail and called it done.

I stepped out of my room and shut the sliding door behind me. My room exited directly into the kitchen, the only thing blocking me from the counter the island we ate our meals on, which normally meant I could just go make breakfast on my own.

Of course, that was a little more difficult to do when your parents were feet away, standing too close for comfort, and - in my words -  _ snogging _ .

“Eeeeew!” I covered my eyes and made a face. “Mom, Dad! Awake here! No snogging!”

“Oh!” my mom turned to me with wide eyes, stepping a pace back from my dad. “You’re awake. Katya-”

My father cut her off. “We didn’t expect you to be up yet. It’s early.”

“Not . . . Really,” I went hesitantly. “Isn’t six pretty early for a ninja?”

“Katya? It’s  _ five _ ,” my mom corrected.

I paused. Then, with my face feeling like it’d light up into fireworks: “Oh.”

I think most people don’t stare at their parents too much - their parents are a typical sight, I guess, and nothing worth screaming over. My parents, even, were a little plain; my father’s dark hair was pulled back into his typical ponytail, the bags under his eyes accented by the strange lines his face made beneath, eyes gray and figure tall, not so much proud as strong. And my mom - well, she was a little shorter than me, a little more than five feet, but her hips were curved for birthing, and her umber hair fell over her shoulders like a waterfall the color of her - and my - eyes. They both looked too young to be parents, of course, but they both looked ordinary other than that, like a newlywed couple or something like that.

Then again, most newlyweds weren’t killers and ex-criminals. So yeah, I guess I had reason to stare every morning, even if I’d known for the majority of my life what my parents were.

Even so, they didn’t stand still for long; my mom turned her back on me and started working at the stove - on what, I didn’t know. My father, though, he came over and wrapped me in his arms, a smile in his voice. “We’re sorry if we woke you, dear,” he said.

“No, it’s fine,” I said. “You didn’t wake me.”

“Nightmares?” he asked.

“. . . Sort of,” I admitted.

“Hn. Well, your mother is making breakfast right now, and if it helps, a letter arrived today from Sylph,” he said, pulling back - probably because he knew he’d see my eyes light up. He answered the question within them with a wry grin. “Yes, it’s from Madara.”

I gasped and immediately looked around, but the falcon I knew as Sylph was nowhere to be seen, while a letter lay on the table, comprised of a couple of stacked paged that I knew were written in  _ his _ scrawl. I pulled myself up onto one of the stools at the island and picked up the letter, practically bouncing in my seat from excitement.

 

_ To: Natasha, my lovely daughter; Itachi, my son-in-law; Shisui, my “grandson”; and Katya, my “granddaughter”. _

 

_ First off, a reminder that when a wandering man passed me while I was writing my introduction line, he looked at me and said, “You’re too young to be a grandfather!” So, you know. _

 

I rolled my eyes. And there was the reason so much of my family - my parents, uncle, and grandfather - looked so young: because of a little accident that happened years back. But I pushed that out of my mind and kept reading.

 

_ I’m not going to give you an exact location of mine, since that would be incredibly stupid, but I can at least tell you that I’m on another landmass entirely at this point. Guess my location; Katya might not be able to, but Shisui probably can.  _ (I asked later; Mom suggested he was near Kirigakure, in the Land of Water. I tried not to feel like too much of an idiot about that.)

_ I wish I had good news to report, but I’m afraid that just hasn’t been working out well. Saw Deidara last in Suna; we were going in opposite directions, and he said something about going to Iwagakure. Dunno what for; you’ll have to send Sylph after him to figure that out. Heard some interesting things from that region, although I could be wrong. Keep your ears up; Itachi, I know you might get some missions in that area, but you might want to hold off. Apparently security’s through the roof. _

_ Yes, yes, I know you’ll want to know about the insurgents. Yeah, I haven’t seen many through my travels, but I’ve run into a few of them. They all have their headbands the same way - the striked line, just like the ones we wore back in the Akatsuki (Katya, Shisui, ignore that). Can’t tell where they’re all going, but I’ve heard some rumors about the Land of Clouds, so I’ll probably stop there next. No definite plans, but if I come back via Hidden Edy, I’ll try to stop by. I know Katya would love that, at the least. _

_ Natasha: If it’s a comfort to you, I AM doing well. Don’t worry yourself. And no, I haven’t been by Konoha yet. MAYBE that’ll work into my plans, but I make no promises. _

_ Itachi: Hoping you’re still alive. Okay, but seriously, stay away from Iwa. No good can come from there. Sounds like things are better in the Land of Fire; try taking some missions there. I hope you’re treating my daughter well, not that I doubt that. Anyways, don’t get maimed or something. _

_ Shisui: Sorry I can’t be back in time for your first mission as a Chunin. I was already at sea when Sylph found me, so trust me, it wasn’t like I was avoiding it or anything. Just keep your head on straight and relax; you’ll find that leading a team is a little harder than a regular mission, but with your smarts, I’m sure you’ll be okay. _

_ Katya: Happy eighteenth birthday! Again, sorry I wasn’t around for that. I think I was somewhere in Suna when I remembered, so I got you something. Had to send it by snail mail, but I used a fake name, so don’t worry about that, okay? I know you haven’t been taking many missions lately (go fight! Train! Dammit, I’m not helping to raise a little princess, okay?!), BUT make sure you stay in shape. And yes, I know you’ll ask: Suna was fantastic. Tons of sand, of course, but passing through and seeing the reconstruction was . . . Okay, fine, it was nice. Sue me! I’m becoming a sap, and it’s ALL YOUR FAULT. _

_ Keep alive, don’t tread on anybody’s toes, stay safe. STAY OUT OF IWA. _

_ Your father/grandfather/father-in-law/friend, _

_ Madara _

 

Oh, Madara. He was the same as ever, it seemed, even if the news was a little sour. I bit my tongue, though, when I thought of Deidara going into Iwagakure. “Have we heard from Deidara lately?” I asked as I looked up, noticing my mom plating some french toast fresh from the skillet.

“No,” Mom shook her head with a sigh. “I’ve been meaning to send Sylph to him next, but unfortunately, Madara’s words make me wonder if that’d be safe for the falcon, either. I’d go after him myself, but then again-”

“I’m so busy as it is,” Dad cut in, “That it makes little sense.”

“Well, Shisui will be on a month-long mission soon anyways, and Katya knows enough to run the studio in my absence,” Mom cut back (referring to her dance studio, the one she’d started after my brother was born), “Besides, Katya could take care of herself while I was away, and we have enough money that you could stay with her for a week or two at a time-”

“But it’s too dangerous to go alone. You know that,” Dad said again, and I saw my mom open her mouth to rebute, only to shut it again once it because clear she was outwitted. I bit my tongue; part of me was glad my mom had such faith in me, but then again, the idea of staying in the house all on my own was a little . . . Unnerving. We’d never been robbed or attacked, at least not at home, but I had a feeling that had to do with their infamy, not because of luck . . .

My mom sighed as she passed my the plate of french toast. “Fine, fine,” she went, staring at my father with a pout. “But somebody should check on him, at least. You know how Deidara can get.”

“I know. Maybe I’ll try to peek into the Land of Stone on my next mission; it shouldn’t hurt to check it out. Katya,” he looked at me, and I shrank in my seat. “Didn’t I read that there was something in the mail for you?”

“Uh- I think?” I went.

He smiled, a little; Dad’s smiles were always soft and small, while my mom’s smirks were wide, filled with the energy that sometimes scared me. I thought back to the dream and resisted a shudder.

“Well,” Mom walked around the island and tousled my hair, making me cry out in indignation. “I have to get to the studio a little early today, but could you stop by after getting your package? I want to walk Shisui to his meeting place myself,” she frowned, “But I have some damage to take care of, so I’ll be busy all day with that and regular classes.”

Yeah - Shisui’s first mission leading a team. I nodded hesitantly. “Yeah, I can do that, Mom,” I said. I bit into my french toast to try and hide my nerves, but she’d toasted it a little too thoroughly; I tasted burnt bread and eggs. Just like my mother made it.

She smiled. “Thanks, hon,” she kissed the top of my head before stepping back to my father, having to rise on her tip-toes to kiss his cheek. “Be careful tonight? I know it’s a short mission, but I always worry.”

“No need,” he insisted as he leaned down and kissed her lips. “Just be careful yourself,”

“Of course,” she said.

I always wondered if parents normally said that to each other, or if was only so commonplace in my house because of the danger around every corner.


	3. Chapter 3

I’m not very good at geography - I always need a map. But once you give me that map, I can point out where my village is, and I’ll get it right every time. My parents grew up together in Konohagakure, the Village Hidden in the Leaves, but they chose to raise my brother and I in the Land of Fields. There’s a little part of it that dips down into the Land of Fire at an obtuse angle, grabbing up a bit of the land like a protractor had been the conqueror. My family lives at that point, and although my mom and dad always talked about moving farther west because of my dad’s mercenary work, they’ve always agreed to stay put. After all, moving west would be moving closer to the Land of Sounds, and while it sounds like a decent place now, something in my parents’ pasts makes it sound like they don’t want to be anywhere near that place.

Then again, the other reason we never moved was because of our situation, too. When your parents are criminals - or  _ used to be _ criminals - you tended to get a bad rep, and that extended to any of your family, too. After all, my father’s the “great” Itachi Uchiha, and his wife’s Natasha Kameneva - AKA, the two known killers in the Uchiha Massacre. The truth about what happened back then was kept secret, of course, at least until nineteen years ago, when my parents abandoned the organization that had taken them in and gave up information to the Konoha government, which let them go without charges. I mean, great story, but nobody really  _ believed _ that they weren’t criminals for years. It took the rising of Hokage Uzumaki to finally lay to rest any confusion, and then the whole story came out and everything was supposed to be fine.

Except, um, not really. Because even when I was young, I could remember having to hold my mom’s hand extra-tightly because sometimes, we’d be walking through town and get stopped by somebody shouting at us, saying that my mom was a murderer and my father, too, and they’d try to make us leave, except they  _ couldn’t _ . My mom had to prove too many times that she could fight  _ and _ not create bloodshed, and each time made my heart rattle around in my ribs. But then I was eight, and I got kidnapped by insurgents, and she sort of had to prove that she could draw with crimson lines, too.

Anyways, but the good news was this: ever since I was thirteen, moods had begun to soften, and by the time we got the letter from Madara telling me about my birthday gift, we’d even begun to get friends in our family. Yeah,  _ family friends _ . My dad got colleagues who trusted him, people started letting their kids learn dance at the studio, and the ninja school a few miles away even started letting my mom come in to do demonstrations. To make it simple: the discrimination towards them began to fade. Everybody who’d been old enough to know better by the time my parents moved in finally softened their moods. We were welcomed and, almost, accepted.

. . . Well, for the most part. I mean, I didn’t mean to bring that up as a sort of “hey, look what’s gotten all better!” thing, or even as a tangent, but I bring it up because at that point, I had stopped thinking so much about it, was all. And that was especially important that day, walking through town. We didn’t live directly in the village; we were about a mile away, outside of the forest where it settled, so our yard was a good hundred feet long and a silly romp in the forest was all needed to get within the town’s borders. And it was small, too - according to my parents, our town was probably a quarter the size of Konohagakure, and to me, it felt . . . Cramped. I mean, besides the typical businesses, there was really nothing to make our town stand out, besides some of the traveling merchants. Right?

I tried to enjoy the day while I was out walking, my pockets barely weighed down with the small amount of pocket change I got to keep each week, and I let my eyes scan the tents of goods as I made my way towards the post office. So much of what I saw was out of my price range, of course, but that had more to do with my not having a job than my parents’ income.  _ I really need a job soon _ , I thought, but our small ninja academy wasn’t in need of any more jonins at that moment, and my dad wasn’t comfortable with me going on missions yet. I told myself to wait patiently, and I tried, but I felt . . . Antsy.

As I was walking, my eyes picked up on some of the girls from my old class at the academy; they were still Chunin level, clustered together and probably talking about a new mission or something. I swallowed and averted my eyes, hoping they didn’t see me as I tried to make myself look small. Besides, I just wanted to get whatever Madara had sent me at the post office; it was bound to be good, and I didn’t want them to spoil the trip for me.

Of course, acting small didn’t work. It never did.

“Damn, it’s Katya,” one of the girls muttered as I walked closer by, realizing I’d have to pass them to get to the post office. I tried to act like I didn’t hear, but even when I averted my eyes, I couldn’t help but hear them.

“Hey, why is she still even here, anyways?” one of the girls asked. “Doesn’t her family realize they’re not wanted?”

“Gosh, it’s so stupid. My parents keep talking about ‘forgive and forget’ or something, but for God’s sake, she’s the child of  _ criminals _ ,” somebody fake-whispered. I hated those fake whispers; I felt my shoulders shake from something like frustration, but I tried to hold it in, especially as I started trying to pass them.

“Excuse me,” I muttered.

Somebody grabbed me, though, and turned me around so fast I had to fight for balance. They screeched with laughter; “How can you even be a ninja, with balance like  _ that _ ?” somebody asked, and they kept laughing, like I was- was a spectacle. I swallowed and looked over my shoulder. I could see the post office just a few yards away, the owner talking outside with a customer or something. I dropped my eyes and tried to step back.

“L-Look,” I said, “I just need to pass through, guys.”

“What’s with the stutter? Think you’re too good for us, or something?”

No, more like I  _ wasn’t _ . I felt my eyes burn with angry tears, and I blinked fast to keep them from running down my face.”I  _ said _ ,” I repeated, “I just want to pass by.”

“Wow, so  _ sensitive _ ,” somebody teased. “Looks like somebody needs to run home to Mommy.”

They hooted again, and I felt the tears run down my face. I could feel my face turn red, too, and it took everything in me not to fight back, not to say something that- that would make me look stupid. I finally turned to get away, fed up with trying to hear them talk, but then-

“Oh no, don’t tell her to do that! We don’t want her criminal mommy to beat her again, now do we?”

They laughed - and I couldn’t help but snap.

AKA, I turned on my heel and hit the girl who said it right across the face, my hand positively burning from the impact.

Somebody shouted, but I was so mad, I stepped back and just made a handsign, feeling the flames begin to form and burn just at the tips of my fingers. “Don’t talk about my parents like that, dammit!” I shouted though angry tears. “I swear, one more  _ goddamn _ word about my mom, and I’ll-!”

“Ow! We were just joking with you, Katya! God!” the girls all stepped away, twittering amongst themselves, and I heard one of them fake a sob and say, “We thought you knew we were  _ joking _ !”

I faltered, and in that instant, I lost control of my flame; it grew and jumped to my fingers, burning skin. I yelped and slapped the flames out, feeling my chakra settle, but when I looked up again, I saw the eyes.

The  _ stares _ .

I swallowed, but that was the only sound, really - I looked around to see if anybody actually took my side, but that early in the day, there were too few people and not enough persons to be brave enough to step forward and help me. I turned and looked behind me, thoughts roiling like  _ no no no no no-! _

But the postman glared at me as he stepped inside his establishment, flipping the sign in the window to  _ Closed _ .

Slowly, I heard the people look away and resume their noise, beginning to just ignore the spectacle and go back to their work. I took a deep, shuddering breath; I could feel my anger simmering just beneath my temples, and I turned to the girls to find them all looking at me with soft little  _ grins _ . I forced my lips to make words. “Why would you . . .”

They didn’t answer, but their smiles grew.

“I’ve- I’ve done  _ nothing _ to you,” I grit my teeth. “And yet-”

They rolled their eyes, turned away. And then somebody said-

“Go home and cry to your mommy. Maybe she’ll actually care.”

I had to resist the urge, one more time, to fling my flames at them.

 

***

 

_ Why _ ? So much of what they did was to rile me and my short temper, especially when it came to my parents. It made me so furious to know that they could get under my skin, especially with the comments about abuse. My mother  _ never _ hit me unless we were practicing together, and even then, I knew she was always holding back. And anyways, I knew the reason, well enough, why she would never harm me. It was because she’d dealt with abuse before, and the fact that those girls thought that she’d ever harm me after what she’d dealt with - well, it made me want to fight them. It’d been that way since I was young, me feeling like I had to defend my parents. Besides, they weren’t criminals anymore. It was simply their unknown pasts that people tried to rave and scream about.

I ended up walking away from the main flutter of the village for a few hours, trying to calm my tearful temper. I probably would’ve stayed away for much longer, too, but then the burns on my hand began to ache even more, and I could see the blisters beginning to form after a little too much pain. I stared at my right hand with a sigh as I looked over the raw skin, knowing that while I could’ve gone home and grabbed the extra herbs I knew we kept for medical emergencies, I preferred not having to run all the way home. After all, my mom had asked me to pick up Shisui from the studio, and I couldn’t skip that.

So I forced myself to try and not feel bad as I wove my way through the village once more and to my mom’s studio. The sun was risen in the sky at that point, at its apex; my mom’s studio and its cream-painted, brick exterior practically shone in the light. A big window in the front showed into the studio (which had only been necessary when so few people had trusted her), and by looking in, I could see just one person, about the height of my mom but with short hair, leaning against the balance beam with a worried look and a Chunin’s vest. Shisui.

I sighed and walked inside, making a beeline right into the practice room. Shisui immediately looked up as I entered; his blue eyes seemed wide with nerves. “I-It’s not time already, is it?” he asked. Then: “What happened to your  _ hand _ ?”

I looked back down at it and saw the skin practically peeling like it was a sunburn and not, y’know, blistering and some-kind-of-degree-ish. “Um,” I said. “It’s a long story.”

He frowned. “Does it have to do with those girls that always taunt you?”

Shisui knew  _ way _ too much about my personal life. But oh well; I knew too much about his anyway, and he was the only brother I had. I gave him a smile, although I knew it didn’t reach my eyes. “Let’s just say they were being brattish. Um, is Mom around?”

“She’s fixing a hole in the back,” he said, sighing all the while. “Somebody came to vandalize her office again.”

I wasn’t surprised. When I got back there and saw the damage, I knew it had been one of my peers, especially with the way they’d taken to the wall with paint and scrawled something about “go back to Konoha” or “bitch” or something. Besides that, I mean, there was also a hole in the leading to outside, just big enough for a person to sneak in, and it was letting in a draft. I shivered; I’d taken off my jacket earlier, and the January cold was leaking in.

My mom was sitting on the floor trying to assess the damage, staring at the graffiti on the wall and (probably) trying to decide how much she could cover up with the extra paint she had. She was already dressed to teach, too; black leotard, hair pulled up into a messy bun, the works. She didn’t see me immediately when I walked in, of course, but I knew she’d heard me. She always did.

That was my mom: the super ninja. The memories fiercely reminded me, but I tried to push them away.

She spoke up as I closed the door behind me. “There’s gotta be a better way to secure this place. I’m getting tired of getting this wall fixed.”

“Can’t we get Dei to come fix it later?” I asked.

“Not if he’s at Iwagakure,” she said. “I think your father knows enough about earth jutsu to repair it himself, but he has a mission and this can’t wait. At least I can fix the graffiti, though; I’ll just have to order some more paint,” she looked to me, and I knew immediately she’d seen my hand. Her eyes narrowed. “What’s with the burn, Katya?”

I swallowed and looked away, linking my hands behind my back (even as they ached). “Um, an accident,” I said. “I mean, the kind where I accidentally make flames and they burn. Yeah.”

Her frown grew. “’Accidentally’?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “That’s all.”

She sighed. “Katya-”

“Look, I can’t help it!” I finally burst out, shoulders hunching. “They’re always making fun of me, and they were going on about how you and Dad are criminals-!”

“Enough,” she held up a tired hand, and I shut my mouth, this time feeling tears of shame rising in my eyes. It was a day for tears, it seemed; I could feel my chin tremble as I tried to keep my mouth shut, and even as my mom stood, I wouldn’t look at her. She took my arm and pulled me closer so she could look at my hand, and I knew she wouldn’t like what she’d see. “How long has it been like this?” she asked.

“A few hours,” I said. “It started blistering a little while ago.”

She sighed. “Katya, it’s going to take way too much for me to fix this right now. You know I can’t heal like I used to.”

“I know,” I said.  _ Since she saved Dad’s life _ , I thought, an event she told me occurred far before I was conceived. She didn’t like to talk about it; I didn’t force her. Talking about your parents nearly dying isn’t good for esteem.

My mom sighed and covered my hand with hers, and I looked up as I saw her close her eyes. Her brow furrowed in concentration; her face dropped as if she could still see my burnt hand. Slowly, as I watched, I saw her hands glow around mine with a green light.

Behind me, I heard the door open. “Hey, uh, Mom?” he said loudly. “A few kids are already waiting outsi-”

I looked to him and shook my head ever so slightly, and he stopped; the moment he saw the glow, he understood. But I could already feel her grip weakening, her energy making short work of the burn on my hand, and I felt the skin stitch and regrow like it’d never been burned before. When she pulled away, I saw my hand was good as new.

The chakra at her hands faded, and I saw her stumble back, just a little. “Mom!” I grabbed her arm to help keep her upright.

“I’m fine,” she muttered, then again: “I’m fine.” Her face had gone just a little pale, but the color would come back in a moment, I knew. Shisui stepped forward next to me and put his hand on our mother’s shoulder, helping her up, although she managed to stand alone within seconds. When she opened her eyes, it was like nothing had changed.

I still felt bad, though; I’d forgotten how much of a toll even that took on her those days. “I’m sorry, Mom,” I said.

“It’s . . . Nothing,” she sighed. “I’m just out of practice, is all. I should be training more, but your father’s always away, plus Madara and Dei are always gone.”

“Y-You could train against us, Mom,” Shisui suggested.

She shook her head. “Thank you, Shisui,” she said, but I knew she would never take him up on the offer. I felt bad; he was fifteen and only just a Chunin. He hadn’t the skill to even tell that our mother was always,  _ always _ , holding back.

I pouted and stepped back, and I apologized again. “It won’t happen again,” I promised.

She gave me a wry look. “You said that last time, dear. I appreciate that you want to defend your father and I so badly, but it’s no reason to go starting a fight, especially in the middle of town.”

I felt sheepish. “Okay, I get it . . . It’s just hard sometimes. You know that.”

“I do know that. And I know,” she added, “That we’ll have to talk about it more later. I have a class to teach and you have to get Shi-shi to his meeting spot. I trust you two will be careful?”

Shisui blushed. “I’ll be fine, Mom. And please don’t call me Shi-shi again.”

She smiled and pulled him into a hug, kissing his forehead. “You’ll always be Shi-shi to me, hon,” she laughed. “You’ll just have to get used to it.”

Shi-shi, my little brother, just turned redder, and the color didn’t even leave as we said our goodbyes and left.


	4. Chapter 4

As siblings, Shisui and I seemed like mirror opposites - he was far more mature and reserved, while I tended to act like an outgoing eight-year old. It was the same way with fighting, too; the only problem was that it wasn’t just limited to our styles. I’d graduated from the Ninja Academy really late, at thirteen, because between the kidnapping when I was eight and learning about what my parents did at thirteen (and WHY they did it, which was the important part), I’d wanted nothing to do with being a ninja. That being said, though, I became a Chunin pretty quickly after graduation, so my time as a genin was only for a few months.

Shisui graduated at eleven, but only became a Chunin a few months ago, shortly after I turned eighteen.

I think he knew about our gaps in powers; we never sparred together, and he rarely talked about any of his missions. I’d helped him with his wounds before when he’d returned at times, of course, but he never talked about how he got them, and he tried hard not to let our parents see that he’d even been hurt. He talked to me, and almost me alone. That was both heartwarming and nerve-wracking.

He’d arranged for the meeting place to be in the forest with several of the genin, so we were far from town and deep in the woods when he spoke up. “Y’know what, Katya?” he asked. “I wish our parents weren’t killers.”

I’d heard him express that sentiment too often to be shocked. I climbed onto a fallen tree and perched for a moment, watching him stop and look back at me on the slight path we’d been following. “You know things would be so different if they weren’t,” I pointed out.

“Yeah,” he said with a nod. “We wouldn’t have to deal with the graffiti and the hate all the time.”

I shook my head. “But we never would’ve been born. We’ve never be as safe as we are now.”

“We’re not safe at all,” he shook his head in turn. “With the insurgents around, there’s no safety. You know that. With Dad coming home injured all the time-”

“You know Mom can heal him.”

“She nearly fainted when she healed your hand!”

Well, and  _ that _ was an exaggeration. I pouted and crossed my arms. “Hey, she said herself she was out of practice,” I said. “And yeah, there are insurgents around all the time. But it’d be worse if they hadn’t done anything.”

“Tell me the story again, then. I need a reminder,” he lifted his hands and rubbed at his arms with nerves. “I need to remember before I go on this mission.”

I sighed and finally just shifted so I could sit on the log instead of squatting. “Look,” I said with a sigh. “I don’t know the whole story. You know that.”

“Yeah,” he said, “But you know more than I do.”

I rolled my eyes and tried to do the math in my head. “Okay, so, um. How old are our parents now?”

“Forty-two,” he said. “Mom had you when she was twenty-four, and you’re eighteen now. But they still look really young.”

“That’s because Madara, according to Mom, was an idiot, and accidentally made them ageless immortals, or something. Anyway, that’s besides the point,” I said. “Well, twenty-nine years ago, the Uchiha Massacre happened. The Uchihas were planning on doing a coup d’etat to take over Konohagakure, and in order to stop it, Mom and Dad went on the record as criminals and killed all of the Uchihas.”

“Except for Uncle Sasuke,” Shisui cut in.

“Yeah, except for him. They weren’t alone, of course; Madara helped them. But Madara- god, this  _ is _ a long story,” I sighed. “Madara, well, he’d fought a guy a long time ago and was thought to be dead. But instead, he used a forbidden scroll that was supposed to save him from death and, instead, made him ageless and sort of immortal. I mean, he’s not dead, so I can only  _ assume _ he’s immortal. But he sort of got bitter about the world and trained an apprentice to help him take over the world.”

“Obito Uchiha?” he asked.

“Yeah, him. He was presumed dead too, or at least was. Anyways, Madara realized that was a mistake and ditched him, and then he trained our parents and the Uchiha Massacre happened. So Mom and Dad left-”

“Did Madara go with them?” he asked.

“Gosh, Shisui, I’m trying to tell the story!” I shot back, and he quieted. I sighed. “Okay, okay, so: Mom and Dad joined an organization called the Akatsuki. The Akatsuki were after a bunch of beasts called the Tailed Beasts, and unfortunately, Mom and Dad had to kill people in order to protect themselves and take the jinchuruki, or the Tailed Beasts’ hosts.  _ Yes _ ,” I answered when he opened his mouth, “The Hokage is a jinchuruki. They’d targeted him at one point when he was younger.”

“But he beat them?” he asked.

“Nah, somebody else fought them. They never told me much about that. But anyways, they met Deidara in the Akatsuki and were reunited with Madara, but Dad was feeling a lot of guilt for killing the clan. He wanted his brother, Uncle Sasuke, to restore some kind of good fortune to the Uchiha name, so that he wouldn’t have to deal with any stigmatism. That’s why everybody assumed it was a massacre, because he’d wanted the secret of what happened to stay unrevealed. Anyways, he got . . . Um . . .” I stuttered. “Well, Mom told me he got really depressed, and apparently a lot happened, but he tried to ditch her and go fight Sasuke himself. Natasha ended up going after him with Madara and Dei on her tail, but he was nearly dead when he got there, so she had to save his life. After that, she went comatose-”

“Is that why her healing jutsu is so weird now?” he asked.

I glared at him for interrupting -  _ again _ . “Yes,” I said. “Dad was ill. To save his life, she had to rip the illness out of his body and expel it from hers, but doing so damaged her body so much that she couldn’t heal the same way again. Anyways, she went comatose and Itachi had to take care of her. In the meantime, Obito got his hands on Sasuke, and in order to make sure he wasn’t turned to an evil side, Madara pretended to join Obito again and let Sasuke escape. After that, he followed them and, once Mom recovered, they all went to Konoha and gave them all the information they had.”

“And got pardoned?”

“Yeah, sort of. Dad had been ordered to kill the Uchihas anyways, and Mom was just acting as his accomplice. Nobody ever knew about Madara - they still sort of don’t - and Deidara was at least exempted enough that he wasn’t going to  _ jail _ . But the information sort of turned the world on its head,” I dropped my eyes. “A war broke out between the Akatsuki and the other nations, and it only ended when Obito was captured and arrested. Everything settled and Obito agreed to stay, but then . . .”

“Then?”

I sighed. “He died - according to the government. The official claim is that he died of illness, although some people think the government killed him off, or even that he committed suicide. But there still people who believe he  _ is _ alive and just escaped, so they’re rallying together to try and get him back. Those are the insurgents we’re fighting today.”

Shisui bit his lip. I was slightly breathless; it’d been a long story, and after walking for so long in the woods, I was getting pretty tired. “So . . . If Mom and Dad hadn’t killed the Uchihas-”

“The Uchihas would’ve done their coup and taken over Konoha, and nobody would’ve been able to stop the Akatsuki,” I paused. Awkwardly enough, it almost made them war heroes, yet they were still treated like criminals and killers. It was crazy . . . One big helpful thing was just overshadowed by all of the stuff they’d done in the past, and it still pursued them. It sucked, big time.

Shisui seemed to agree. He wrapped his arms around himself again and sighed. “But if all of that hadn’t happened,” he said, “We wouldn’t be treated like this.”

“I guess,” I said. “But-”

“No buts, Sis! If they had told the truth from the beginning, we wouldn’t be treated like this!” he suddenly shouted. I stopped; neither of us spoke. I was sort of surprised, eyes wide and shoulders hunched back. Shisui had  _ never  _ talked like that before, ever. I mean, we’d both been dealing with some rough patches, especially with our peers being the way they were, but he rarely complained about it, even to me. I wondered if it was from nerves; he was still shivering, at least a little bit. And then I wondered if it had more to do with the fact that he was about to lead a group against the insurgents that had stemmed from the Akatsuki, so long ago.

In a way, I guess that made our mom and dad responsible for the mission he was about to go on, and responsible for the missions our father had to do.

. . . I tried not to think about that.

“Shisui . . .” I sighed. “Shi-shi, you know there was nothing else that could’ve been done. Even I know that.”  _ Even if I hate it and everything else I’ve had to deal with. _

“Yeah, but,” he sighed along with me. “It’s just crappy. It’s crappy, Sis.”

“I know.”

“I really don’t want to go on this mission.”

“I know, bro.”

“I wish you could come with me, Sis.”

My breath caught in my lungs.

. . . He’d expressed sentiments like that all the time. His first few missions as a genin, he’d almost refused to leave the house unless I followed him. He asked me to every match in every Chunin Exam he took; I rooted for him on the sidelines and then took care of his injuries when Mom and Dad couldn’t. I’d always known I was never good enough with the injuries thing to use healing jutsu like my mom - just my herbs and basic skills - but I did my best, and he always acted grateful. And now he was a full Chunin, going on his first mission as a  _ leader _ . . .

It occurred to me then how crazy it was. How crazy it was that a  _ chunin _ was leading a group to get info on insurgents. Normally the senseis would accompany them, or even a jonin. Why were they going alone, with just a few chunin and mostly genin? I knew Shisui was going with another chunin, somebody his age, but it was still ridiculous. Somebody should’ve assigned a jonin to the group, in case their info-gathering mission turned into a real battle.

Somebody should’ve assigned  _ me _ , so I wouldn’t worry about them getting killed on their own.

I knew that wasn’t possible at that point. I had to go back to Mom and he had to figure out how to take a mission without me.

. . . But I really, really wished that I could’ve helped him.

“Shi-shi . . .” I sighed and finally stood up again, hopping down from the log I’d been sitting on. I walked over and lifted a hand, ruffling his hair despite his nasty look. “I wish I could help you too, bro. But you know I can’t; Mom and Dad need me at home right now.”

“Because you’re old enough to do other stuff,” he muttered, and I knew what he meant; I was old enough to take missions myself, with my own choice, and I’d stopped a few weeks ago due to boredom. I shook my head.

“It’s complicated, Shi-shi, and besides, I’m antsy enough already that I’ll probably take a mission soon, anyway. But I think you’ll be fine, bro, honestly. You’re a smart guy, and I know you can do it. You just need to keep your wits about you, and you’ll come out okay.”

“It’s a hard task,” he muttered.

I gave him a sad smile. “I know. But it’s just what needs to be done right now.”

He didn’t speak. I let go of his shoulder and waited for him to respond, trying not to cross my arms or tap my foot or act impatiently. That’d only make him more anxious; I didn’t want him to think that I was leaving him in the dust or even that I wanted him gone. I just wanted him to be okay, although it seemed that wasn’t as easy as it appeared.

Eventually, though, he just sighed. “We . . . We’re losing time,” he said. “We gotta get to the meeting point.”

“Yeah,” I said, then added, “I promise, you’ll do great. Just don’t doubt yourself, alright?”

“Yeah,” he nodded . . . And then he stepped forward and hugged me, nearly startling me from my skin. “Thanks, Sis,” he said. “Just promise you’ll be there when I come back, okay?”

Despite the surprise, I smiled a little, hugged him back. “I promise, bro. I’ll be there when you need me.”

Even as we parted and walked on - even as I dropped him off and walked off with a wave good luck - I didn’t realize that I had lied.


	5. Chapter 5

I got back to the studio just as Mom’s last class of the day ended; when I walked in, the kids were hugging their parents and babbling about whatever routine they were doing, and my mom was leaning against the back wall - the one covered all in mirrors - with her hair half-down from her bun and her eyes shut from wear. As I walked over, I could see more and more of her reflection in the mirror, more and more of her back; my eyes caught on the symbol carved into her left arm, the swirls that she had explained, before, were from her time as part of the Konohagakure ANBU team. I’d seen the same symbol on Dad’s arm, too. It made me wonder just how far they’d traveled, even just as ANBU, in their own missions.

They’d seen so much more than I did. And I’d seen more than Shisui. But after weeks without a mission, I was getting so antsy it was a miracle I could lean against the wall, right beside her, and wait for her to open her eyes and talk to me.

I saw the last few parents leave with their kids, and I heard the door shut behind them with a sound  _ thump _ . Out of the corner of my eye, I could see my mom open her eyes.

“Shi-shi’s on his way, then?” she asked.

I sighed. “He was . . . I think he’s scared. But yeah, I left him with his chunin partner and some of the genin. They should be moving soon.”

“Good,” she said, before leaning forward and bending down to touch her toes, groaning. “He and the other chunin are friends, at least. Hopefully they’ll look out for each other while they’re on the mission.”

It reminded me of my earlier concern - the lack of authority. “Why isn’t there a jonin going with them?” I asked. “I would’ve volunteered if I’d known they needed another ninja. Even if it was just me, somebody should have-”

She stopped me mid-sentence. “I know somebody should’ve gone with them.”

I started. “Then why not?”

“Because it’s a simple intel mission. More pressing is the number of insurgents to fight, and all of the jonin are on those missions already. Chunin are all they can spare. I imagine that’s why they promoted Shisui, anyways,” she said. The stark honesty surprised me; I’d almost forgotten, for a moment, that her standards were far higher than mine. I guess having been an S-rank criminal put things in different perspective.

“Even so,” I said timidly, “I still feel bad. I should’ve gone with them.”

She stood and shook her head, reaching up to release the rest of her hair from its confines. “You have your own path to follow,” she said. “Shi-shi will be fine.”

My own path . . .

. . . Like I knew what that was.

Little did I know, then, that I’d have it discovered in less than an hour.

I stood back and watched my mom take down her hair. Her eyes were so tired; her movements were slower than normal. I couldn’t help but look down at my hand and feel my eyes bead with tears. “I . . . I really am sorry, Mom.”

She knew what I was talking about, of course. She always did. She hummed non-committedly and just said, “You’ll have to learn to control your temper someday.”

“Or those girls could mature,” I said, and before I could stop myself, I spilled it out. “They’re always talking about you and Dad, always joking around. And then when I  _ do _ get mad, they act like  _ I’m _ the one in the wrong until everybody is looking at me like I’m a weirdo. Even this morning, after I got so mad, the guy at the post office shut the door and made it looked closed so I couldn’t go in-”

“Wait,” she looked at me quickly, eyes glimmering with that familiar fury. “The man did  _ what _ ?”

I bit my tongue. I tried not to step back in fear, but my mom had that look, and it wasn’t . . . It wasn’t a friendly look.  _ I shouldn’t have said anything _ , I thought. I shook my head. “I-It’s nothing,” I said. “Like you said, it was my fault for getting provoked. I shouldn’t have-”

“Oh, no, I won’t deny  _ that _ ,” she said, and I wilted a little more, but then she added harshly, “But those girls should know better to act like  _ cowards _ when the blame is right in their faces. And moreover, somebody who’s an obvious witness to what happened shouldn’t blatantly take their side. Give me five minutes.”

She started walking away, but I was startled, grabbing at the hem of my shirt. “Wh-Where are you going?!” I asked.

She looked back to me, still angry in every wound muscle of her form.

“I’m going to go to the post office so you can get your gift. That’s where I’m going, dammit.”

 

***

 

The post office had reopened. I should’ve been glad for that and walked in their myself, but it was all I could do to follow along my mother as she strode to the door and yanked it open. With her casual grace and tensed form, she looked far too intimidating; her hair was down, and she’d only bothered to pull on a short, leather jacket with jean shorts that looked a little  _ too _ short for modesty. Of course, the moment we walked in, all eyes were on us; it was no secret that my mom could take up a room. And, from the looks on everybody’s faces, nobody was ignorant of what she was doing there.

I swallowed as I followed her to the front desk, where the man from before - pot-bellied, but taller than my mom - stood. Mom strode right up to the desk and balanced on hand on it as she propped the other on her hip, the no-nonsense look in her eye too strong to be ignored. “I assume you’re not busy?”

His eyes narrowed. “Not at the moment, ma’am. How may I help-”

“My daughter,” she said with a head-tilt in my direction (as I, of course, tried to make myself seem small), “Tried to come pick up a package this morning only to find that you’d closed while she was clearing up a . . . Mishap. Is that true?”

The man looked down at her. With the height difference, it seemed ultimately ridiculous to watch, but my mom seemed all the taller just for the amount of rage she seemed to possess. The postman shrugged. “We had a small emergency,” he claimed. “I simply had to take care of-”

“At the same time she was being bullied? Strange, how these things work out,” my mom shrugged, but anger still tensed her form. “Anyways, she was coming here to pick up a package from a . . . Family friend. I assume we can get that much, at least?”

He frowned. I could tell he wanted to deny her, so badly, but nobody had left the building, and they were all watching him.  _ Us _ . I wished I could’ve melted right there and simply dripped my way out of the room. Would’ve been better than making a scene.

He finally just shrugged and looked to me. “Name?” he asked. As if he didn’t know it.

I sighed. “K-Katya Kameneva. I-It’ll be under the name Kat.”

He nodded and bent over to look behind the desk, and I could tell he was taking his sweet time. My mom didn’t seem to care; she just folded her arms under her (nonexistant) bust and waited it out. Nobody else made a sound in the room.

“. . . Some people,” the man muttered as he looked, “Need to teach their children to behave themselves in public.”

I felt the sting of the blow like a slap to the face, and I felt my lower lip tremble. But my mom, somehow, just lifted a brow and gifted a sweet smile.

“And some people,” she replied, “Need to teach their children not to bully and provoke others.  _ And _ to act, instead of being a witness to it. We’re all people here, you know.”

He gave a grunt, but he finally rose with the package in his arms - something long and slim that made my heart suddenly leap with questions. What had he sent? Madara hadn’t gotten me-  _ had _ he? Had he-

“That’ll be thirty dollars, then.”

I saw my mom start with shock. “Pardon?”

“New tax for packages like this,” he said gruffly. I could see in his eyes that he was lying. “It charges by the pound, now. So it’s thirty dollars for pick-up.”

“That’s ridiculous!” my mom half-shouted.

“Oh, now?” he suddenly grinned, stretched out his arms. “Look around you. Do you see anybody here calling me a liar?”

My mom didn’t turn. She shut her eyes; squeezed them shut, even. I could see, then, her posture slump. Mine responded in turn; I knew, at that moment, we’d lost the battle. Sure, we’d get what we needed, but thirty dollars . . . While it wasn’t a huge financial burden, it’d certainly raise some brows at home. I bit my lip and forced my eyes not to water, not to drop tears down my face.  _ It’s all my fault _ , I thought devastatingly, and then I felt like stamping my feet and screaming at my own face.  _ If only I’d shut my goddamn mouth and done nothing! If only I’d taken the hate! How come I have to be trapped in these circumstances?! _

_. . . How come everything I do has to hurt me  _ and _ my family? _

“Excuse me, sir.”

I started, looked fast to see who had spoken - and, in turning, the tears fell from my eyes and down my cheeks, fast. But I saw the person who’d spoken, at the same time my mom had as she turned, and I saw orange-red hair and calm brown eyes and a willow form break from the mass of faceless people to approach.

“Doctor Judian,” my mom said, in surprise, and I fought to make myself remember the name - because I knew I did. But I couldn’t come up with what it was, so I kept my mouth shut.

Dr. Judian, however, smiled at her. “It’s good to see you again, Natasha,” she said, and then she looked to the postman. “I just came here to pick up a package as well, sir; some blankets for the maternity ward at the hospital. But you didn’t charge me for them,” she said as she lifted the soft, brown-papered package in her arms. She didn’t stop there, though; “And my wife, Natalie, she’s been needing to pick up some packages as well, but they’re fairly fragile and we don’t have the paycheck, yet, to pay for them. Will we have to pay a charge for them, as well? I mean, it’s so odd,” she finished quietly, her kind eyes somehow severe. “Just five minutes ago, you hadn’t mentioned the charge to me.”

. . . Nobody spoke, but inside my chest, I thought little minions were reading a fireworks show in preparation for some kind of victory.

My mom managed to tear her eyes away from Dr. Judian and looked to the postman, but he’d looked away, the lie exposed. He shifted from foot to foot, but my mom stood strong; she rested her hands on her hips again and waited, preparing for him to break. And I, for once, tried to feel a little stronger.

. . . Finally, he sighed.

“Alright, alright,” he said as he practically shoved the package across the counter, into my arms. “But next time, you’ll have to pay the charge. Understood?”

. . . The fireworks in my chest went off, popping like little explosions in my eyes as I took the package carefully in my arms, a hesitant smile lighting up my face. “Th-Thank you, sir.”

He rolled his eyes. “Come again,” he said without a trace of enthusiasm to be seen.

I looked to my mom, biting my lower lip to keep from crying with relief. Even she seemed relieved, her shoulders dropping as she let out a sigh. She immediately turned to Dr. Judian, her voice warm. “Thank you, L’Fae.”

Dr. Judian - L’Fae - shook her head. “It’s of no consequence, Natasha. How have you been? How’s your son?”

“I’ve been alright,” she said. “Just like Shisui,” she added, and it was finally then that I remembered: Dr. Judian was the woman who’d delivered Shisui, when he was born fifteen years ago. Three years prior, she’d been an assistant nurse, helping to deliver me, as well.

She was the first friend our family had ever had.

And, somehow, I both chastised myself for forgetting and thanked her, silently, for standing up for us.


	6. Chapter 6

As we walked out of the post office, the package in my arms, I sighed at my mom and admitted, “You can be a little embarrassing when you’re angry.”

She shrugged. “Better that than you being disrespected. You shouldn’t have to suffer for my past mistakes.”

I felt guilty - and moreover, I wanted to assure her that it was okay. But I couldn’t, because it wasn’t okay. And I wished that I didn’t have to deal with it.

Dr. L’Fae Judian followed us out of the office and walked with us as we began returning to the studio. “It’s a pleasure to see you again, Natasha,” she said with a smile. She was my mom’s age - except unlike my mother, she  _ looked _ it. Her cheeks dimpled with her small smile. “Has your family been well?”

“Very,” she answered, smiling at her. “Katya here is a jonin already, and Shisui just left for his first mission as a leading Chunin.”

“Oh, excellent!” L’Fae smiled wider. “And your husband?”

“Itachi’s been gone on far too many missions,” she said, “And my father, Madara, has been traveling for the last year or so, as has Deidara. At least it means the house is quiet - haven’t had a house like that in ages!”

L’Fae laughed along with her. “Oh, I understand entirely! Natalie and I just had our first child a few weeks ago; she’s been taking care of the babe while I’m working, but-”

“Oh, congratulations! What’s the babe’s name?”

“Her name is Katlyn - she has her mother’s eyes.”

“Aw . . .” My mom looked to me, smiling, as if she  _ hadn’t _ just fought her way through a showdown with a man twice her size in bulk. “Isn’t that fantastic, Katya!”

I smiled, slightly, suddenly feeling shy. “Y-Yeah, it is.”

We’d finally arrived at the studio. I thought we’d say our goodbyes there, but my mom seemed to think otherwise. “You just  _ have _ to tell me more,” she said politely. “I can brew some tea in the back room while Katya opens her package - would you like to join me?”

“Of course,” L’Fae smiled at me. “Us two can leave you to your package, then. From your grandfather, I assume?”

I nodded. Nobody knew that my grandfather was  _ the _ Madara Uchiha, but despite that, he seemed to attract the attention of most ladies anyway. I remembered, though, that Dr. Judian had mentioned a wife - she must’ve had no interest in him, then, although I wasn’t sure. After all, I’d seen my father transform in a woman for my mom before, and she’d seemed to have loved him whether he was a man or woman. The number of times I’d seen them snogging like that was far, far too high anyways.

As my mother and Dr. Judian settled in the backroom, I sat against the mirrored wall in the main room and began to unwrap the brown paper around whatever my gift was. I didn’t have to go far to find the letter wrapped within, of course; it was just nestled underneath the first layer, packed within a white envelope that was covered in sand. I smiled a little - it definitely  _ was _ from Suna, if what I’d heard was true - and I put it to the side so I could keep unwrapping the gift he’d sent me.

When I ripped the first part of the last layer was when I saw it.

A black-wrapped hilt, with an emblem of gold set in the center and a winding chain along its length.

I couldn’t help it. I ripped the rest of the packaging off with no remorse.

I gasped with shock as tears budded in my eyes - because what I was holding in my arms was a  _ sword _ . It was like a short katana or something, the blade only about two feet long or so, but it felt so lightweight in my hand, and its hilt and sheath were both deep black, almost onyx. I held it up in my hands and grasped the hilt in my right hand, wanting to expose the blade and see its sheen.

The sensual sound of the blade sliding clean of the sheath was amazing, and when the sword was free, it caught the light like a crystal. The steel was so smooth, and even with my meager knowledge about swords, I knew this one was well built. After all, I’d seen my mother’s ronin before - they were shorter than what I held in my hands, but they had once shone as well, and there’d been so many times when I’d sat by my mother’s side and watched her shine her swords. That’s how it looked, was a clean shine, so bright it was absolutely stunning.

Something bumped into my wrist; I looked at the hilt and remembered the chain around it as my eyes caught a small, swinging pendant near the sword’s guard. I gasped in awe as I sheathed the sword and unwound the chain - holding it in my hand, I realized immediately that it was a necklace, its silver-plated surface swirled like the top of a conch shell with a tiny ruby set into the center of the swirl. I flipped it over - on the back was a compass, and when I leveled it in my palm, it pointed north perfectly.

All of it was gorgeous, and once I remembered the letter, I clasped the necklace around my neck - the pendant’s weight falling against my sternum and between my breasts - and I grabbed the letter from the floor next to me. I opened it quickly and realized there were multiple pages, all written in his scrawl. I laid the sword next to me and curled my knees up to my chest, and I read.

 

_ Darling, darling Kat: _

_ Happy birthday, kid. I just remembered it was today, and luckily enough, I was passing through Sunagakure anyway. It’s pretty hot down here; I think you’d enjoy the heat. It’s a different kind of heat from what you find in the summer at home. Anyways, it’s not bad. Doesn’t do much for my  _ hair _ , but eh. I’ll take it. _

_ I’m going to assume you got impatient and already ripped open your package, yeah? Lemme explain. The sword is a kodachi. It’s meant to be a sword you can carry and wield without drawing too much attention; that being said, it used to be worn with a katana back when I was young(er). It’s crafted really well; you can rely on it for years, maybe even your whole life. That’s how strong it is, Katya. I talked to the maker a little bit, and he knew what he was talking about, and that’s a promise. In a few years, when I think you’re ready, I’ll buy you a katana to go with it. Yes, you saw me write  _ when _. You’re a powerful kunoichi, Katya, and you’ll only get stronger. _

_ As for the necklace. I thought about keeping it for myself (because I look  _ so _ good with red), but I figured it’d probably fit you better. Okay okay, so I’m kidding, but honestly, I thought it’d be useful. There’s a compass on one side; it’ll never fail you. I know the seller’s father - he’s made the most reliable devices around. _

 

I didn’t expect much more out of the letter. Madara had sent me gifts like this before, and normally he cut off right afterwords, giving me a quick written goodbye. Maybe if he hadn’t written the next part, or maybe if I hadn’t read it, things would’ve turned out differently. Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad.

But I read the next part, and it left a lump in my throat.

 

_ Katya . . . You know, your parents never traveled much. I always regretted that, mostly because I hadn’t gotten the chance to persuade them to travel instead of settling down. The Akatsuki got to them first, I guess. Anyways, they saw a lot of things, but I think they would’ve enjoyed so much more of what they’d seen if they hadn’t been fighting. I think that you’d feel the same. _

_ We’re living in dangerous times. The war all those years ago was bloody and quick, but that tension is only bubbling up again now that Obito’s supposedly dead and your parents are more widely accepted. It’s a good time to be a ninja, Katya - it means protection. I mean, I worry about you and your brother. But both of you are strong, and if not that, smart. You’ll live a long time. And hey, someday, I want you to travel with me - I think you’d enjoy a lot of what you’d see. And I know you - you won’t stay put for long. Now that you’re eighteen, you can roam as you like. Let some of your past behind you. I get that it’s been rough, staying in one place, but at least you have some options now. Don’t forget that. _

_ All of my love, yadda yadda yadda. You know I’m bad with stuff like this. _

_ Madara _

 

. . . He wanted me to travel with him?

I leaned against my knees and stared at the letter, not reading it so much as staring at it.

. . .  _ Me _ ?

Visions immediately flitted through my head. Climbing mountains, running through forests, crossing wide lakes of crystal blue. I remembered the descriptions in his letters, of the landscapes he’d always described and sent a part of home to me. Those weren’t just written for me, though - Madara rarely wrote letters directly to me. Those were always sent to all of us, so he could send Sylph back and forth and not have to send separate letters. Nobody paid attention to the descriptions he sent us; those visions were for me.

But to see them in real life. To leave this town behind.

. . . It’d mean leaving my  _ family _ behind.

I pursed my lips and felt that itchy, antsy feeling again; I lowered my legs and stretched, repressing a yawn as I relax and grabbed my sword - my  _ kodachi _ \- again. I looked at the sheath, finding the strings that would help tie it to my waist while I stood. I’d been too inactive; I needed to move. Once I was sure it was secure, I stepped away from the wall and brought the blade out with that clear, ringing sound of metal against metal.

. . . I knew even if I trained that I would still have that feeling of needing to run.

In truth, it was why I’d stopped taking missions; no matter how far I wandered, I always had to come back too soon, and I felt suffocated and tied into place. Even as I turned and looked at the mirror, watching the way I drew the  _ kodachi _ and swung it the way I’d been taught, I couldn’t escape the truth that Madara, obviously, had noticed.

I wanted to leave.

The first thought was of my family, and that made my chest ache as I went through the motions of practicing, reminding me of the few times my mother had shown me how to use her own blades. I couldn’t leave them - I couldn’t leave my mom and dad, and I couldn’t leave while Shisui was on mission. I would  _ never _ leave without telling him, or so I thought. And besides that, things were so easy here, so paced and tuned to my daily life. I’d never been too far from it; I’d never even left the Land of Fields. I hadn’t-

That thought shocked me.

. . . I’d never even left the Land of  _ Fields _ .

Madara and Dei and Mom and Dad - they’d seen whole different parts of the  _ world _ .

I swallowed. My chest was really beginning to ache, and I realized I’d been swinging my sword the whole time, shortening my breath. I sighed and dropped my arms, but my kodachi didn’t touch the floor; I was sure of it. The thoughts swirled in my head, the idea of leaving. Traveling. Going on some kind of grand adventure. It sounded like a fairy tale, or a dream come true.

After all, I’d always envied my grandfather and uncle, especially for their permitted wanderlust.

I heard steps into the room and turned, fast. But it was just my mom, having just walked back from her back room, watching me with a strange glance.

Her first words; “That’s a good sword he sent you, then.”

I swallowed. I could only nod.

“Well,” she smiled with one side of her mouth. “Let’s make sure to show it to your dad when he gets home, and I can start training you with it tonight. You ready to go? Dr. Judian left already, and I just need to close up the studio.”

“What about the vandalism?” I asked.

“I’ll get it fixed tomorrow,” she said. “Besides, it’s a girl’s night, right? Your father won’t be home for a few days yet anyway, and with Shisui gone too, it’ll be the first time we’ve had to hang out together.”

I rolled my eyes. “You act like such a teen sometimes, Mom.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

A bubble of laughter rose in my throat, but somehow, I couldn’t get it to fully emerge.

My mind was still trapped in wanderlust.


	7. Chapter 7

One time, when I’d been alone with Dad and he’d been cooking supper for the two of us, he told me that my mother used to be a terrible cook.

“When we traveled together, I normally made the meals,” he said as he tossed the stir fry in the pan with an ease I’d never have. “Your mom typically relied on the road rations and rice cooked over the fire. Once we were friends with Dei, though, he started making all of the food - and your mother rarely cooked after that.”

I watched him with my chin on my folded arms and my feet swinging under the island. “But Mama’s a good cook now,” I insisted. I was probably only seven or so.

He looked at me and smiled, but only for a moment. He turned back the stir fry. “When your mother gave birth to you, she knew she’d have to make a change, especially since Dei was always coming and going. So she asked me for your help, and I showed her how to cook. We had to start the very beginning - she’d never had a cooking lesson in her life besides the standard ones taught to us when we were young, and she was incredibly clumsy. But she got better and better, good enough that she could start cooking on her own,” he turned off the stovetop and turned to me with the skillet in his hand, the smell of stir fry strong and perfect in my nose. “She did a lot to raise you and Shisui,” he said as he plated the food. “She made a lot of sacrifices. We both have, I suppose. But your mother, she’s a strong woman, and a smart one. I hope you grow up strong like her, Katya.”

I smiled, sat up. “And then I can be the best kunoichi in the world, right?”

He laughed, his smile full of happiness. “Of course, Katya,” he said. “Of course.”

Years later, I doubted that notion. The strongest kunoichi? I could barely even match my mother’s stubborn determination against a  _ postman _ . My skills in fighting were good - maybe about average - but I’d never be my mother’s equal, even now. Not with my skills.

Another reason why I would never be able to travel, or so I thought.

But years after that conversation in the kitchen with my dad, I thought I saw the situation somehow flipped - both my mother and I standing together at the stove, pulling together a concoction that smelled a lot like spaghetti sauce and fresh noodles. My mom had me chopping tomatoes; I watched her out of the corner of my eye as she pulled her hair back again, binding it in a low ponytail like my father’s, and stirred the noodles. “To keep them from clumping together,” she said, and I laughed a little.

“Dad told me you weren’t always good at cooking,” I said. I could feel my kodachi bumping at my left hip; I’d refused to take it off. Somehow, it’s weight at my left leg was a comfort, and a comfort that I needed.

My mom, surprisingly, laughed. “He’ll tell that story to anybody who will listen. I was really hopeless at cooking when I was younger; I never had anybody to really teach me. And once I made friends with Dei, he was always cooking stuff up anyways.”

“So you befriended him for his food?” I asked. She laughed again.

“You think of your mother as being so shallow?” she lifted her hand and made a swatting-like motion, but nowhere near where it could actually hurt me (even if it was so weak-looking I doubted it  _ could _ ). “I befriended him because he was too young to be in an organization like the Akatsuki - or so I thought. In reality, he’d been doing terrorist work for years, and I hadn’t even heard. Even when I heard, though, I kept an eye on him.”

“Did he ever teach you, too?” I asked.

“No,” she shook her head. “He never had the time. He was always making commissions, whether they were the explosive kind or not. He really is an artist.”

Yes, he was; I could still remember being young, my memories blurry but full of my giggles as his clay butterflies poofed in puffs of smoke above my head. I could also remember my mom yelling at him for setting off explosives in the house, but those only made the memory better; I smiled, just slightly, but let my curiosity get the better of me. “How did he learn? From his family?”

She paused. She paused, and then she put down the spoon she’d been using for the spaghetti and shrugged. “Deidara . . . Didn’t learn from his family. Neither did I, of course. He learned because he was basically homeless, and he had to use whatever opportunities he had to feed himself. So he cooked - simple as that.”

“And you never . . .”

“No,” she shook her head. “My mother was never able to teach me without my father finding out.”

It felt a little bit like my throat had swollen. I swallowed, hard. I could still remember her telling me about her past, how she’d been abused by her father and eventually ran away from home. Thinking about it hurt, but I couldn’t say that; I put down the knife I’d been using to chop the tomatoes and turned, leaning back against counter, staring at my feet.

I couldn’t help but . . . But think about my mom leaving home, her family behind. Traveling on her own, but with her future husband at least at her side.

I felt a hand on my shoulder.

My mom’s voice: “Katya, what’s wrong?”

I took a deep breath.

“Why did you . . . Why did you run away from home, again?”

My mom stopped. I could feel her hand tense against my shoulder, but I squeezed my eyes shut, trying not to apologize and make her forget it. I . . . I needed to know. I couldn’t explain it.

But wanderlust was squeezed my heart . . . And I needed to understand.

My mom pulled away.

“My father was . . . From a very young age, he harmed me. Made me afraid of him and his genjutsu, the latter of which passed its way into my life as a phobia,” I heard her turn back to her cooking and pick up the spoon, the wooden tool clattering against the side of the pot as she stirred. “I became an ANBU at thirteen and left home, staying in a hut outside my village where my father couldn’t reach me. Not only that, but six months later, Itachi got the order to kill his family . . . He’d spared me once, getting his sharingan. He chose his best friend, Shisui, who your brother is named after, and killed him for his eyes - feeling bad even when Shisui assured him it was alright. He spared me that cost - he could’ve easily killed me, instead - but when it came time for him to slaughter his corrupted family, I felt I had no choice but to help him. And after that, we both agreed to leave together, especially as I had thought . . . Had thought our sensei had betrayed us.”

“Madara, you mean.”

“Yes,” she said softly. “I was heavily wounded and saw him while I bled. He’d been leading away a group of men in order to protect me, but I’d thought he’d abandoned me. It was years later that I learned the truth. He’d protected me from my father and, ultimately, became a better father figure for me than anybody else could’ve,” I heard her sigh.

“But . . .” I swallowed. “Was that- the  _ only _ reason that you left home? Would you have left if your family was- was whole?”

She didn’t answer me. My heart was thudding. My breath was still strained from my earlier, tiny session - or at least I thought it was. I heard my mother put down the spoon and step closer, wrapping her arms around my shoulders.

I felt her chin on top of my shoulder, or as high as she could reach one what I was sure were her tip-toes. I heard her release out another shaking, low sigh.

“. . . Katya, what’s on your mind?”

I felt tears bud at my eyes. I shook my head. “Just . . . Things, Mom. Madara and Deidara are always traveling, and I-”

“You want to join them.”

I started, pulled away with wide eyes. Hers looked back at my calmly; I grabbed the counter in surprise. “You knew?!”

She gave me a deep, unamused look. “I’m your mother. I might be old, but I’m not blind.”

“Y-You’re not old either,” I stuttered, but I was still so confused. I lifted my free hand and rubbed at my eyes. “Mom, how did you know, really?”

“Because you’ve grown up amongst travelers. There was a time . . .” She turned her face away, and I saw the slight movement of her throat as she swallowed. “There was a time, for a while, that I was worried you’d never want to travel. After you were kidnapped, I mean. I was worried that you would never want to even be a ninja.”

I felt like my whole mouth was dry, all the way down my own trachea. “But I changed my mind,” I said. “You told me that you fought to protect your family, a-and I decided to do the same.”

“Yes - five years afterwords. I was worried about you, but you rebounded, grew stronger from it. You truly are your father’s daughter,” she said with a slight smile, and it reminded of me of what my father had to go through, what he told me he’d felt, after killing his family. She looked back to me with brighter eyes, maybe even tearing ones. “But you’re also  _ my _ daughter, and Madara’s granddaughter, and Dei’s niece. You’ve always been curious, so I thought you’d want to leave at some point.”

I knew she was right. But still, I dropped my gaze. “I would never be able to leave, though,” I said. “I need to stay, for you and Dad and Shisui.”

“For your father and I? And here you were, saying I wasn’t old. Are we taking that back now?”

. . . Okay, so maybe she had a point.

“As for Shi-shi, he’s growing by the day. He may not be strong, but he’s tactical. Someday, he’ll be able to function without you,” she said, and I heard her step closer and felt her hand on my shoulder again. I looked back up into her smiling face. “Katya, you asked if there were any other reasons why I left home, besides the massacre and my own family. And my answer to that is this: even if things were okay, even if my life was normal, I still would’ve left at some point. I couldn’t stand to stay in one place, hon, and that goes for Itachi and Dei and Madara too. It’s in our blood.”

I nodded a little, and she let go of me and looked back to the cooking pasta. She jumped as she - and I, too - realized it was beginning to overflow from the heat. She ran over and lowered the flame, grabbing her spoon to stir the noodles and keep them from clumping again. While she worked, I leaned against the counter again, pressing my new blade between it and my hip.

Overflowing, just like my whole being was.

I lived in a place where my parents’ names were the topics for everyday conversation. I couldn’t go a few hours without remembering that they were criminals, and no matter where I went, that curse followed me. It was the same for Shisui, too; but he had so much more learning to do, so much to fight for. He wasn’t ready to leave.

But all I was doing here was beginning to rot - broken down by the taunts of my peers, the prejudice of those who knew of my parents and not of  _ me _ . My path was running dry.

I knew it had to continue somewhere. I just needed to know  _ where _ .

“Mom?”

“Hmm?”

I looked back at her, and she looked to me. I took a deep breath. “If . . . If I wanted to start traveling on my own, to go and see the world . . .”

I didn’t have to finish. She smiled, turned off the pasta on the stove.

And then she came over and gave me a monster of a bear hug.

“You can leave when the cold stops - when spring begins. In a month or two, I suppose. I know you’re going to love it, hon - I know you will.”

I took a deep breath, one that filled me to the tops of my lungs, and tried to believer her even as tears pressed against my eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

There was a part of me that hoped that my dad would disagree and start a whole big fight about my leaving, although I knew even then that my mom would win that argument anyways. My mom tended to have the biggest voice in the house, at least about Shisui’s and my wellbeing. My dad, well, he was focused on all of us and work, too. But when he came home days later and talked about it, he eagerly agreed. “You’ll love it, Katya, I promise,” he said with a smile. “While I disliked the Akatsuki, I loved the traveling that came along with it. We can come up with a land route for you to follow for your first trip - where do you want to go?”

We had to pull out the maps, something I asked my parents to do because my hands were shaking too badly to do it myself. We laid out the maps and my parents helped outline the lands, telling me where we were and where their hometown, Konohagakure, was. “It’s about the center of the Land of Fire,” she said as she pointed to it. “It’s a two-month journey, but if you take a horse, it won’t be too terrible. Let’s see, you could always visit the Land of Tea and pass through that way if you wanted to get to the Land of Stone - I don’t recommend the Land of Lakes, that’s where the old base was, and it wouldn’t be a surprise if there were insurgents that way-”

“Why the Land of Stone?” I asked.

“If this is your first time traveling, you should go see all of the major lands,” my father explained quietly. “The Land of Fire first, of course, so you could see where your mother and I grew up. After that, it’s easier to go to the Land of Sand, then the Land of Earth.”

“Not near Iwagakure, though,” my mom added. “You should send Dei a message and try to meet up with him, if you want to go to the Land of Earth. After that, it’d be worth going to the Land of Lightning, too-”

“What about the Land of Water?” I asked.

My father looked at me with a raised brow. “You’ve never been on a boat, though . . . I’m trying to think of any port that would get you to any of the islands without going out of your way.”

“If she took a ship from the Land of Lightning,” my mom said to him, “She could be to the Land of Water in, hmm . . . About three months? But that’s not even considering coming back.”

“It’s a long journey without visiting there,” Dad said back to her. “Just from here to the Land of Lightning and back would be a good year, if she went all the way to Kumogakure.”

I swallowed. When had I gotten booted from the conversation? “Um,” I said, “I think I’m fine not visiting the Land of Water yet. Can I stick to the mainland?”

They agreed, and after that, I was on my own. It took a few hours, but by the end, we (I?) had a plan: I’d travel through to Konohagakure and stay there for a little bit, try to get on my feet, and then I would pass south and through the Land of Tea into the Land of Wind. After that, I would pass by Sunagakure and move northward to the Land of Earth, skirting its border until entering the Land of Waterfalls. From there, through the Land of Iron, Fields (again), and Mountains, I’d enter the Land of Lightning and go to Kumogakure. After that, it’d be up to me: find a port and a ship to go to the Land of Water, or return home. “With that mapped out,” my mom said, “You’ll be traveling for about two years.”

I paled. “Two  _ years _ ?!”

My father raised a brow at me. “Did you think it would be shorter?”

“I’d expected a few months, not a few years!”

“Honey,” he made his tone soft and - in my ears - a little like he was talking to a kid. “The scale on the map is about one centimeter for every thousand  _ miles _ .

I swallowed.

And, once more, had to force myself not to say  _ no, it’s fine, I’m not going anywhere. _

 

***

 

Once that was taken care of, there were all kinds of other things I had to take care of, including readying a horse, packing supplies and medicines, and - to my total shock - buying me a falcon.

“Madara taught you falconry, hasn’t he?” my mom asked as we walked into the market that day.

“N-Not enough for me to raise a real, living creature!” I cried out before covering my mouth, hyper-aware that my  _ peers _ could’ve been around, hearing me argue with my mom. I lowered my voice and found myself fidgeting with the hem of my jacket again. “How am I supposed to feed a falcon? More than that, how do I make sure it’s not injured or something, and what if it gets lost? Doesn’t listen or connect with me? Mom, I really think you’re overestimating-”

“And I think you’re underestimating,” she interrupted. “Honey, ninjas have been raising and using falcons for years for hunting, and between Madara and I, we’ve even taught Sylph to trust enough to send  _ letters _ . It gives us a connection in case you need it, and the bird can help you find food - as long as it gets some of that food as well. Not to mention that you’ll have villages along the way with falconers that can help. Relax, okay?” she softened her tone. “We’ll figure it out, I promise.”

_ More like I’ll have to figure it out _ , I thought miserably as we entered a cavernous tent, one that had obviously been up for several weeks judging by the weakening hold of its stakes in the ground. At first, all I could see were foxes, rabbits, captured animals; then my mom asked about a falcon, and the owner took us quickly to the back.

“W-We have several for sale right now, ma’am,” the man stuttered and stumbled to the back corner where several cages hung from a supporting beam, housing falcons of umbers and reds and browns. “F-Feel free to pick up a glove, slip it on, b-but I-I don’t think I have any in your size, Miss-”

“Missus Kameneva, please,” my mom smiled at him calmly, but the man just seemed to shiver more ( _ he knows _ , I thought), “And actually,” my mom continued, “I’m not here to buy a falcon for myself - I already have one. My daughter, however, is looking for one to aid her as she travels in the next few weeks.”

“A-Ah! Well, then, ma’am,” he looked to me and said, “Feel free to open the cages and look inside. Um, the gloves-”

“I see them,” I said, and I stopped down and took a worn-looking leather glove from a bin inches from my feet. The glove fit snugly up my left arm almost to my shoulder, and when I patted down the leather on my forearm, I could tell it was strong. Still, I hesitated. “Um,” I swallowed. “I don’t actually know much about falcons; it’ll be my first bird. Do you-”

“Ah, yes, well,” he looked to the cages and spotted one with a red-brown bird, staring around calmly. He went to open it; “This one is quite reliable, I thi-”

“Hold,” my mom cut him off, and he retracted so fast it was like watching whiplash. My mo stepped forward and held out her hand. “If I may open it myself?” she asked.

“Y-Yes, of course, m-ma’am,” he said as he dropped the key into her hand. “L-Let me know if you need help,” and then he was off like the devil was on his heels.

My mom sighed as she leaned down and grabbed a glove for herself, slipping it on before beginning to unlock the door. “It’s not like I  _ bite _ ,” she muttered, “But I just want to be sure I’m not being tricked.”

“He looked too scared to try something like that,” I suggested weakly.

“Yes, but he keeps a knife in his back pocket. I don’t trust him. Scared men will do rash things.”

I looked away, feeling guilty; I hadn’t even bothered checking his figure for weapons. Meanwhile, my mom opened the door to the cage, but the falcon only looked to her calmly. “Just keep your wits about you,” she said as she held her arm out, and in seconds, the bird leapt from its perch onto her arm. I could see the talons dig in; I hoped the leather on my mom’s fingers was thick enough, but my worries were eased by her smile. “There we go,” she said as she raised her opposite hand and began to stroke the feathers on the bird’s head.

I shifted from foot to foot. “Wh-What do you think?”

“A fine specimen. Healthy, or he should be,” she said as she turned to me. “Hold out your hand. Do you remember how Madara taught you?”

I did. I held my arm carefully, trying to keep my forearm away from my face - and the falcon flew to my hand so fast I almost shouted at its speed.

My mom started. “Are you okay?!”

“Y-Yeah,” I said, and I was - I didn’t feel its talons at all, but its weight was greater than I’d anticipated. I took a deep breath and tried to relax, although I could feel my arm trembling. When I managed to look at the bird again, I saw it almost analyzing me, as if I was a curious new snack for him to try. I hoped it was just my imagination as I raised my fingers to brush along its feathers. Thankfully, it didn’t nudge me off - just tilted into my touch. I breathed a sigh of relief.

My mom smiled and nodded. “Looks like it’s taken a liking to you. Should I call the man over and ask for a price?”

I met the bird’s eyes - and in them, saw my own gaze reflected. I was half-enchanted already, despite my initial shock. I slowly nodded.

That enchantment almost fell away when I heard the price the man laid out - easily the price of three missions - but my mom waved off my concerns and paid the cost. “We’ll survive,” she said simply before raising a brow at me. “What are you going to name him?”

I thought about it, thought about the best name I could’ve given a bird. A strong bird - a reliable one. I could’ve named it after anybody in my family, then, but I thought about its steady gaze, its calm patience. The name popped into my head, and after battling for a few moments too long, I relented.

“Hashirama - Hashi for short. I’ll name him that, after the first Hokage.”

My mom gave me a look - one of bemusement. I tried to ask after it, but she deflected my questions at every turn, at least until we had paid for the bird and walked out of town. Finally, she explained: “You remember that Madara is  _ the _ Madara Uchiha who fought Hashirama Senju, correct?”

I worried my brows. “Is that a bad thing that I named him that, then?”

“No,” my mom laughed, “Madara isn’t too bitter about it anymore - more than anything, he’ll probably get a little embarrassed. He and Hashirama had an intimate relationship before things went sour, you see.”

“What!” I felt my jaw fall. “Madara’s-!”

“To be fair,” my mom pointed out, “I’ve never heard him say anything with any adventures with other men . . . But he could be,” she said, and I took at that.

My “grandfather” being bisexual . . . Or being gay, or having a one-time fling or something. I hadn’t bothered to think about it much, not since meeting Dr. Judian and thinking about my parents’ escapades with sex and gender. It made me wonder, a little bit, how I stood on that spectrum - and whether it really  _ mattered _ . In the end, I let the conversation in my head go, at least for that moment - and I raised my face to the sky, watching Hashi fly high above me in the big blue, hoping that he would return back to my hand.


	9. Chapter 9

Our backyard, normally saturated with pinks, oranges, and greens, was stark and white in the melting winter as we entered February, but at least our mew - where Hashi stayed - was warm enough for the bird. I spent the two weeks after getting Hashi working with him, trying to make him follow my lead; we went out into the forest and hunted together, and while very little came to me at first, I eventually began to bring part of the hunt home; pheasants, rabbits, chicken. It was an extra income that I knew my parents appreciated, but overall, I was happy enough that I returned each day with Hashi on my hand. It meant I was improving.

Eventually, the very occasional snow we got (the snow that always melted as soon as it touched the ground) was replaced by consistent rain. The time that I was able to spend with Hashi waned, and the rest of my time had to be spent with the other preparations, like making sure that the horse I had selected from the stable in town was still in fine form, and that the herbs I needed were still collected together on the uninhabited bed where Shisui slept. My heart thudded every time I looked at that bed; knowing that I’d be leaving shortly after he came back made me feel nervous, but I always shoved it into the back of my mind and walked out of the room, opting to help with the next meal or any extra housework I could get my hands on.

But one day, three weeks after I got Hashirama, I came inside the house with him to find my parents sitting on the couch with their faces turned to each other, anxious, before the sound of my entrance made them both look up at me. The symmetry made my nerves stand up on end.

“Katya,” my mother started, but she just stopped and sighed. “You should help Hashi back to the mew; we need to talk to you.”

“Is something wrong?” I asked.

“Later,” my dad said, and that’s when I knew the answer was  _ yes _ .

Once I had Hashi back in the mew, safe and sound, I sat across from my parents and asked what was going on.

“There’s a storm about to come through,” my dad said. “My collegues told me this morning.”

“Okay?” I said-slash-asked. I bit my lower lip; that couldn’t be all. I knew it. “What does that mean?”

“It means,” my mom said, “That in a few days, we’re going to be getting major rain. It’s coming from the west, from the Land of Sounds. It’s a natural storm, of course, but it’s massive; they’re saying it’ll end up flooding all of the roads from here to the rest of the Land of Fields, as well as slightly south. It’ll stop up the roads for weeks,” she said, and then she paused.

I felt my body stiffen; my first thought was of Shisui. “Will Shi-shi be okay?!” I asked.

Mom shrugged. “We don’t know. He’s smart, though - he’ll figure out a way to get out of the rain. If he doesn’t arrive by next week, we’ll be going after him.”

“But that leaves us with your circumstances, Katya,” Dad said calmly. “We’d agreed you were going to go in the next two weeks, correct? The roads will have flooded by then; we’re looking at the end of March for us to go anywhere without a struggle in the muck.”

I swallowed - and I knew what they were getting at. “S-So it’s either the end of March, or . . .”

“The storm’s set to hit in a few days,” Mom sighed. “You’d have to leave soon if you wanted to avoid it. In other words,  _ tomorrow _ .”

Tomorrow. I shut my eyes tight and pulled my knees to my chest, and I buried my face in my folded arms.

“Katya,” I heard, and I felt the warmth of my father’s body as he got on his knees and to my side, wrapping his arms around me. I felt my body shake with a sob, and on my other side, I felt my mom, as well - both of them holding me as I began to cry.

I hadn’t thought the tears would stop, but eventually, they did. When I unraveled myself and they let me go, both of my parents looked me over, both seeming to wonder if I was going to freak out again. “It’s not a problem if you want to stay longer,” my father said first. “You’re perfectly welcome to stay, or change your plans. It might give you more time to practice, or assemble your things. But otherwise-”

“I know,” I said, “I know.” But I wasn’t sure I did - I wasn’t sure if I could wait that long. I was almost through the roof with impatience, and each time I wandered into town with those eyes all over me, I felt like wanting to scream.  _ Wanderlust, wanderlust. _ The word seemed to pound through every vein in my body.

“It’s up to you,” my mom said. “We can be ready to see you off by tomorrow, or we can wait until the roads and rain clear. But-”

“No, I-I know,” I shook my head. I couldn’t go back, and I couldn’t wait. I had to go, I knew it. Even if I had to leave Shisui behind.

Because at that point, I’d forgotten the promise I’d made to him the month before.

I raised my head and looked at both of them, both of their worried eyes, and I made myself speak before I could take it back.

“Tomorrow. I’ll leave tomorrow.”

 

***

 

That night, I had the nightmare again - the one where I was young and small, being carried away by criminals, before my mother came roaring in to rescue me in a whirlwind of cinnamon-scent and blood.

When I woke up, muffling my scream by biting my hand, my Sharingan was on again.

Everything looked so strange with my Sharingan on; it always did. It was early morning, far too early for me to get up, but I sat up anyways and looked out the window at the rising moon. Everything seemed to be playing a clip too slow; I’d see the energy of the breeze brush past before I felt it against my bare skin, and when I looked at my hands, I could see them tremble before I felt them. My father had told me that it wasn’t uncommon for it to be so disorienting - his younger brother had told him as much, after they’d gotten on better terms - but staring at myself in the dark, it felt a whole lot stranger.  _ Is this what it’s like _ , I wondered,  _ to feel powerful? _ I’d always heard the Sharingan being preached that way, as having  _ power _ . But instead of feeling like it filled me up to the ends of my hair, it felt more like it emptied me, making me feel hollow. If that was what power was, I didn’t want it, or so I thought - it made me feel like somebody had drained me.

I looked back up at the moon, and after a few moments of watching its red surface, I turned my Sharingan off. The moon returned to its silvery gleam, the one that always reassured me . . . And then I got out of bed and began to pack my things, even if I was packing far, far too early for it to matter.

 

***

 

My parents woke up at the prearranged time and were totally confused to find me packed and ready, making breakfast with trembling hands and several burns on my wrists from my nerves’ distractions. My father took over the skillet of eggs I’d been trying to fry as my mom took my hands; she looked at me with a soft look, one of worry, but I shook my head to try and tell her I was alright. I didn’t want her gaze to try and make me back out.

Once we’d eaten, I strapped on my kodachi - where it’d stay at my side for the rest of the trip - and stepped outside. The horse I’d selected was waiting outside, grazing, with Hashi perched on the saddle; the saddlebags were already packed. I took the reins and steadied the horse as I tried to calm my nerves, but I think the horse was as nervous as I was, or else my own shudders were shaking the horse as well. I swallowed and tried to ignore it.

I felt my mom’s hand on my shoulder. I looked away from the horse to her face, creased with worry, and she finally said what I knew she’d been thinking: “You don’t have to go today if you don’t want.”

I shook my head. How could I explain it to her? If I didn’t go then, I wasn’t sure I ever  _ would _ . “I’m fine, Mom,” I said, although my words shook as much as my body did. I hoped she didn’t notice, and even though I knew she did, she didn’t bring it up. Small mercies . . .

“You’re packed with food for the next few weeks?” my father asked as he approached. “And money - you have that as well?”

“Yeah,” I said with a nod. “I-It’ll last me until Konoha?”

“Yes,” he said with a small smile. “You can take some missions there to make up some money. And, of course, being a traveling ninja will be to your advantage. You’ll find your way.”

“Of course,” my mom said, and then she surprised me - she leaned forward and pulled me into her arms. “I’m going to miss you, hon . . .”

I stiffened; my body wasn’t ready to react. How was I supposed to hold her back and then run off, hardly to see her for the next two years of my  _ life _ ? Somehow, I managed to make my concrete arms bend and wrap around her, and I lowered my head so I could breath in her scent one more time. The smell of cinnamon reminded me of blood; I shivered as I felt the tears bead in my eyes. I swallowed and tried not to push her away too hard.

My father stepped closer and pulled me into his embrace at last, and I buried my face in his shirt and let out a quiet sob that I hoped he wouldn’t hear. Whether he did or not, he tightened his embrace around me anyways. It made me want to cry more.

“You’re growing up,” I heard him mutter. I didn’t know what he meant. I still felt like too much of a child.

Finally, we pulled away. I knew there was nothing else to do, nothing more to say; I turned to the horse and pulled myself into the saddle, careful not to knock Hashi off as leapt from the saddle to my forearm, covered in a strong leather glove. I felt the horse prance nervously as I grabbed the reins and looked back down to my parents one more time, feeling my voice shake. “T-Tell Shisui,” I started, but I had to gulp to make my words stop shaking. “Tell Shi-shi that I’ll miss him,” I said. “Tell him I love him.”

“We will,” they said.

“I-I love you guys so much. I really do. I promise, I’ll come back, I swear. I-I’ll see you in two years’ time. I’ll write all the time, I swear. Mom, Dad-”

They just smiled up at me.

I swallowed and nodded, even as I felt the tears run down my face.

I just pinched my lips together and looked away, turned the horse. I took the pendant I’d received from Madara and turned it upright, so I could see my direction southwest, towards Konohagakure.

I kicked my horse into a gallop and rode away without looking back.

 

***

 

Hours later, as evening began to settle, I stopped and made camp in a dense forest, managing to make a small fire with my own jutsu and finding enough food to satisfy the horse, Hashi, and myself.

And then I cried my eyes out until it seemed my tears would put out the flame themselves.


	10. Chapter 10

For two months, my horse galloped across grassy fields and through pungent forests to help deliver me to Konoha. As my first time in the Land of Fire, of course, my eyes were everywhere - the blue sky, the green forest, the pinks and reds of blossoming flowers. It was gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous, and I hoped as I plundered along that I wasn’t truly damaging that beauty with my horse, my bird, and my self.

As my parents had predicted, rain descended three days after I left home; the paths quickly became drenched with mud, and more than once I had to find shelter underneath a canopy of trees until the rain had hesitated in its fall. The paths became blurred at the edges, and I feared that the rain would persist the whole way, but I rode out of the storm a few days later (even if the storm hadn’t rode out of me yet). From there, the paths didn’t murk me down or slow me; despite the few spots where I had to coax my horse through, it was straight going. I spent the days hunting down miles.

Hashi, thankfully, stayed almost always at my side; I had no leash for him, no way to keep him from going, but he followed me anyways. I let him go in the evening after I’d stopped to make camp, letting him fly free as I tied down the horse and began to bundle the wood I’d need for the fire later in the evening. And then I went after Hashi, calling him back to my arm, and I tried -  sometimes successfully - to hunt down our food.

Despite that, I often retired hungry, especially with how careful I was to preserve my rations. There were few towns between home and Konoha; I had to reserve all of the food I had. Even if I did ride through a village, it wasn’t for long, and I was too scared to stop - too scared that I would change my mind and go home.

Somehow, I felt like getting to Konoha would force me to keep riding forward, as if it would be the seal on the deal.

But I still couldn’t stop myself from crying every night as I fell asleep.

 

***

 

And then I made it to the gates of Konohagakure - and my breath was stolen away in an instant.

Firstly, the gate was  _ huge _ \- it was easily three stories high, reaching so far above my head I had to tilt my chin back far just to see the top. And then there were the ninjas -  _ actual Konoha ninjas _ \- greeting me at the gate, asking who I was, where I was from, why I was there. They did it all with smiles, even when I told them my name: Katya Kameneva-Uchiha. I had decided, days earlier, that I wanted to travel with both my names. If anything, it would give me a small measure of protection in case somebody underestimated me.

“Related to the Chief of Police?” one of the men asked.

I thought for a moment, unsure, and nodded. “That’s Sasuke Uchiha, right? He’s my uncle.”

“Aaah,” the man nodded without even flinching at the thought that I was the child of  _ that _ Uchiha, the only other one who could’ve been a father. He scribbled something down. “Shall I let him know that you’re in town?”

He hadn’t been told anything about this, I thought; in fact, he hadn’t seen me for years, probably since I was thirteen. I shook my head. “I’ll find him myself, later,” I said. Finally, he let me through.

My first stop was the stables, or so I thought - but I couldn’t really pay attention to where I was going, to be honest. The streets were wide and the buildings were huge; I could see them scrape the sky at the same height as the gate, and I could look up and see drying lines and reshackled roofs and the occasionally ninja hopping across the heights. I yearned, suddenly, to be up there with them; I’d never been that high, never had gone wandering so far up. It had never been an option where I lived.

After a few minutes of aimless wandering, I looked around and realized - to a lack of surprise - that I was  _ lost _ . Somewhere among the reds and yellows and browns of the buildings, everything had blurred, and I was no longer sure where I was. I looked around for somebody to help, but I was stuck for a moment of how I would even  _ ask _ . How stupid was it going to be, a lone eighteen-year old who’d gotten lost? All of a sudden, I felt even smaller, smaller than even the buildings made me feel.

I swallowed my nerves and scanned the crowds again - only to notice slightly down the road, nestled between two huge buildings, a small shack with fabric hanging over most of the interior. I furrowed my brow; kicking the horse into a walk, I sidled up to the stall and read the signs: “Ichiraku Ramen Bar.” I tugged a little bit at the hem of my shirt before finally making a decision; unmounting my horse and tying the bridle to a small pole at the side of the street (as well as making sure Hashi was going to stay put), I approached the partition and ducked underneath.

I realized in a moment that when the sign said “bar”, it was quite literal - nothing more than five bar stools lined along a red-painted island that split me off from the inside, where I could see - and  _ smell _ \- spicy noodles and broth. I took a deep breath - or at least wanted to, thwarted by the days of hard riding - yet stopped mid-sniff. I shook my head and told myself  _ You’re here for directions _ , but my stomach grumbled loudly, and I had to put a hand to it to try and calm its growl of yearning.

“You here for ramen, ma’am?”

I looked up. An older man - one who I assumed was the owner - had appeared behind the bar, looking me over. I realized I probably looked like a mess; I subconsciously put a hand to my hair and realized there were  _ twigs _ in it. Stifling my embarrassment, I said, “Um- I actually need directions, please. Stables? And, um, a public mew?”

The man sized me up - and then he laughed. “Traveling?”

I licked my lips. The smell was getting more appetizing by the millisecond. “You could say that,” I said.

“Well, you passed them just a block down - they’re marked out plain as day. Just go down that way and turn west,” he said as he pointed down the way. “You’ll find them with no trouble at all.”

“Oh. Thank you!” I said, but before I could turn away or even stop myself, I blurted, “Your ramen smells super good, by the way. Like, just totally  _ awesome _ .”

His eyes widened, and then he laughed with a hand to his belly. “Somebody’s hungry!” he said, and I felt my cheeks turn red. To make it worse, my stomach growled  _ again _ \- he grinned and said, “A bowl’s five hundred yen, if you’re up for it.”

“. . . Might need two servings,” I muttered as I looked back to where I’d put my horse and Hashi. They were still there, of course, but . . .

The man laughed. I looked back to him, but he had leaned over the counter, staring at my horse. “I take it that’s yours?”

I nodded. “For now, sir.”

“Aw, don’t call me that - I’m not that old yet! I’ll get a friend of mine to take care of them both for you, that alright? He’s pretty good with falcons,” he assured me. “He’ll take care of your bird friend fine.”

I swallowed. “Er . . . I don’t mean to put a burden on you, but I-”

“Alright then: how about this? Your ramen will be done in ten minutes,” he said as he checked an imaginary watch on his wrist. “Go take care of those two, alright? I’ll save you a seat.”

“O-oh,” I stammered. I hadn’t expected that of him - not only his kindness, but the fact that he had gone so far as to take care of my animals for me. I gave him a low bow. “Thank you,” I said. “I’ll take you up on that offer.”

 

***

 

As soon as I had my horse and Hashi safe and sound with the animal caretakers, I wandered back to Ichiraku and sat down, watching the old man spooning ramen into a bowl for me. “You’re back, hm?” he asked as he turned to me with the bowl in hand. He slid it in front of me with a grin - “Enjoy, alright?”

“Th-Thank you.  _ Itadakimasu _ ,” I bowed slightly before picking up my chopsticks and going to town. I wasn’t disappointed - that ramen was the  _ best _ . I made sure to slurp a little extra loudly, just to make sure he heard it.

He seemed to approve with a wide grin. “Like it?”

“Mmph- yeah,” I almost said through a mouthful of ramen. I swallowed the noodles down and cleared my throat; “It’s really, really good ramen. I’ve never had anything like it.”

“Ha! We do have the best ramen on the continent, if I do say so myself!” he said proudly, before adding, “Having the Hokage as a sponsor is really helpful too, of course.”

I gasped. “The Hokage?”

“Yep! Naruto’s been eating here since he was a kid! He’s almost like a son to me,” he whispered conspiratorially to me. “Hasn’t been around lately, though - busy with all kinds of planning, he is, although so’s everybody else. But enough about here; you said you were a traveler? Where you from?”

I slurped down another biteful of ramen and wondered how much to tell him. I settled on a simplified version of the truth: “I’m from the Land of Fields,” I said. “It’s my first time traveling, and my parents grew up here, so I figured I’d stop here first.”

“Aaah, great choice, then! How old’re your parents? I bet I can guess them, I’ve seen enough people!”

I bit my lip, unsure. “They haven’t been here in a while, and only until they were thirteen. Um - they’re in their forties?”

“Forties, hmm . . . Only until they were thirteen, huh? Any reason why?”

“Business,” I simplified again. He snapped his fingers.

“You’re the Uchiha niece!”

I started. “Pardon?”

“Chief Uchiha doesn’t talk about it much, but it’s no secret that his brother has two children with his wife. Of course, it’s quiet news, but I hear a lot of things, knowing Naruto and all,” he said as he tapped his temple with two fingers. “But that’s the only reason that you’re here, eh? I would’ve thought you’d be here for the festival this evening.”

“Festival?”

“Yep! Been the talk of town the last few weeks! If only I could remember what it was for,” he muttered to himself, but he later shrugged and said, “A young lady like yourself, you should attend! I’m sure you’d catch the eyes of  _ plenty _ of young men out there!”

I felt my face turn beet red. “I-I’m not sure that’s what I’m after!” I stammered as I looked down to my ramen. The old man laughed and, just as another customer entered the tent, began chatting up the new lady and preparing another bowl for her.

Still though . . . A festival. I hadn’t attended many, to be truthful, mostly because my family had rarely been welcomed to celebratory events. We’d tried to go a few times, of course, but it always ended with false accusations and bitter words; never the kind of thing I’d want to voluntarily attend. But if nobody here knew about my family, about where I’d come from . . .

_ What am I saying; an old man working a ramen bar figured it out in seconds _ , I thought bitterly as I tried to grab the last few noodles in the bowl, but a part of me still yearned to go out and explore, be part of the festival night as it happened. So many times, I’d only been able to watch from my window, and anyways, I had decided to be honest about my identity. Nobody would attack me if they knew my mettle, or so I hoped.

Maybe just once . . .

“E-Excuse me, sir?” I asked once the other lady was served and the ramen man had his attention turned to me again. “When does the festival tonight start?”

“Ah, yes,” he checked his imaginary watch (again) and said, “The parade starts around six, but the real action starts up around seven or so; best time to go and find people, after all. What are you thinking of, ma’am?”

“I guess . . . I guess I need a hotel,” I said first, staring into my broth-filled bowl. “But maybe after that, if I could find a place to at least get my hair decent-”

“Oh, no! It’s not a festival  _ that _ casual! A lady like you, you should be wearing a yukata for the evening!” the man laughed.

I felt my face flush.  _ So much for that, _ I thought. “M-Maybe, but,” I said, “I’m way too clumsy to wear a yukata.”

“Nonesense!” and suddenly the lady next to me was speaking up, and when I looked to her fully, I realized she was  _ decked out _ ; cherry blossom kimono, red-brown obi, white face, glittering eyes.  _ A geisha? _ She was pretty, alright. “Where I work, we sell the  _ prettiest _ yukatas you’ve ever seen. We’ll even do your hair and make-up, darling! I mean, you’ll take a bit of work,” she added, as if that made me feel even  _ less _ self-conscious, “But you’d look stunning, dear! We could do photos, poses, the whole round of it before the parade, even! Wouldn’t you consider it?”

I swallowed. “Um,” I said, but what I really wanted to say was, “I am NOT pretty enough to pull that off!”

The old man looked me over. “Is it a matter of cost?” he asked.

Oh! An excuse. I nodded a little. “I mean, I’m a traveler,” I said. “I’ll be taking missions later to boost my savings, but right now-”

“Oh, nonsense!” the woman laughed. “We don’t charge pretty ladies like you  _ that _ much - especially for a night like this! We’ll make it worth your time, we promise. Won’t you  _ please _ consider it?”

Locked in. I bit at my lip and tried to think of an excuse,  _ any _ excuse, to get out of it. I was klutzy - but I had used that excuse. I didn’t have the money - but she was discounting me. Was there  _ any _ excuse I could use that would get me out of this? And moreso . . .

Would she even be asking, offering this, if she knew what my heritage was? What my name claimed to me?

I sighed and tried rubbing my temples tiredly. “Look, I’m totally flattered, ma’am, but-”

The old man finally interrupted with his ultimatum: “Go,” he said with a grin and a shooing motion. “If you go do it, I’ll treat you to free ramen tomorrow morning and for as long as you’re here, got it?”

I stopped.

. . . Free food?

. . . Well, that just wasn’t even  _ fair _ .

The lady looked to the man and giggled. “I think we have her,” she whispered happily.

. . . Okay, so maybe they did. But I was  _ not _ happy about it.


	11. Chapter 11

The lady from the ramen bar - whose name, I later learned, was Yun Oshiro - at least allowed me to get a hotel room and drop my stuff, but then she practically dragged me away to her place of work. All of her coworkers, similarly in kimono and obi, gasped as I walked in. It didn’t make me feel any better; I knew I looked like a wreck, covered in dirt and twigs and leaves, but they didn’t need to point it out. Two months of hard riding would do that to  _ anybody _ !

. . . I mean, most people wouldn’t  _ also _ get bird feathers and ash in their hair, too, but I was an exception to that rule.

For several hours, it seemed, they fussed over my dirt and my skin and my hair, as if it was their solemn duty to attend to me and only me. It didn’t take long for me to feel rubbed raw - they scrubbed at the dirt under my nails and yanked the twigs from my hair and wondered, in quiet awe, how anybody could get so  _ filthy _ . I tried to explain that I’d been traveling for months with hardly a spring or two to clean in, but they just became more twitterful as I tried to speak, and after a while, one of the ladies even had to go, claiming she “needed a moment” between breaths of laughter and anxiety.

She was probably worried I would get her sick. I wouldn’t be surprised, anyways.

After a while, they steered me in front of a mirror. I blinked hard at my reflection; while we had a mirror at home, I hardly ever looked at it, and the small mirror perched on my dresser at home was just enough for my face. But I could see my whole figure in the mirror they showed me; my deep, black-brown hair, still tangled like mad, twisted down my body to the bottoms of my shoulder blades, though I’d later see it tamed down to my waist. My eyes were wide, blue. My skin had gotten tanner from travel, but it was still pale like my father’s, and it was mapped with bruises over my arms and shoulders. My thighs, too - on the insides of them, there were ripe and round bruises, especially where they’d rubbed against the saddle. And, um, speaking of ripe - the ladies kept wondering over my figure, especially my breasts, which left me flushing from the tops of my ears down their . . . Round . . . Surfaces. Beneath them, my waist narrowed subtly before rounding out to wide hips and full legs, eventually ending at my pale toes.

I swallowed hard after a few moments of looking. I wasn’t entirely sure what I was supposed to look like, if that was supposed to be . . .  _ Me _ . The geisha insisted that I looked absolutely beautiful, a sight for sore eyes, but I wasn’t so sure. The way I was matted with bruises, and how even my brushed locks trapized down my back, and how  _ pale _ I appeared - well, I wasn’t certain if this was supposed to look “attractive”, especially with how not-slim-enough my waist was. I mean, I was a tall woman - always had been, just a little shorter than my dad - but I felt self-conscious. After all, my frame wasn’t like the petite forms of the girls in my class, nor like the models and the geisha attending to me and staring down at me from every picture in every book I’d ever read.

Eventually, they stopped soaking me with water and soap and began wrapping me in a beautiful black yukata, decorated with pink and red roses that fell all the way down my body, ending at my ankles. The obi was a bright pink; it helped flatten my chest, just a little bit, making my figure look slim all the way up and down. They even pinned up my hair, managing it into a tight bun at the top of my head. When they steered me in front of the mirror, I even realized they’d done a minimal amount of make-up, enough light, sparkling silver at the corner of my eyes to make my irises seem ten times brighter.

“Don’t you look absolutely  _ beautiful _ ?” Yun asked me as she showed me my reflection.

_ Was  _ I?

Or was it just the suit I’d been dressed up in, masking my form to make me look as regal and cookie-cut as the ladies behind me?

 

***

 

Despite my concerns about my appearance, I still decided to go have a good time, so I thanked the ladies who’d helped me profusely with several bows and lots of promises to return their yukata - and the small purse they’d loaned me - the next day. They laughed and shooed me off, of course, but I still tried to make them accept my thanks. Even so, I can’t recall if they did in the end or not.

I hadn’t been finished in time for the parade, but when I did get out, all of the stands were up and the evening was being lit by candlelight and flame. People began coming out dressed in both yukatas and normal wear ( _ they lied to me! _ I thought with a pout as I tugged on the fold of my yukata), and there was a bumble of noise coming from everybody looking around and participating. It was crazy - lanyards of flowers both paper and real, people crowded all together, the seductive smell of food around every corner - it was nuts, really, and incredibly, incredibly good.

I’d never been to a festival before, especially where nobody recognized me.

And I.  _ Loved _ . It.

Within just a few minutes, I’d gotten a small plate of  _ yakisoba _ and had started talking to some of the people wandering around, many of whom complimented me on my yukata and my hair and everything else I looked like. Even if I felt like a peacock, I thanked them all, and I asked them about their outfits and their prizes and their food. People laughed, I smiled - as the night descended, the world around me just began to light up with dancing flames and paper lanterns.

Speaking of fire - after a while, I felt an itch in the back of my mind, to let go of my jutsu and just make my own flames spiral into the sky. I’d been watching a man swallowing fire, of course - a band was playing rapturous and ecstatic music as the man lowered the flames to his lips and swallowed it down, and everybody applauded as he was unscathed and laughing. I clapped along with everybody else, but I still wanted to step forward and ask him if he could swallow  _ my _ flames, laugh as he did that and more as we ran in circles and made the world light up even more, enough to dispel the night.

In my thoughts, trapped like a wild rabbit, I didn’t pay attention to my feet - and after a moment, I realized that I’d stepped back and heard a strangled yelp as I smashed somebody’s toes.

“Oh!” I turned around and began bowing like crazy. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean-  _ arigatou _ -”

“Ha! Nah, it’s fine, ma’am! It’s happened!” the man who’d been behind me waved me off, his hair bright yellow and his eyes glimmering with fun as he grinned. I sighed in relief as I looked him over - and besides the six marks on his face that I wasn’t sure were scars or not, I was comforted in that he really didn’t seem to have been hurt.

“I am so sorry,” I said again.

“Eh, don’t worry about it! It happens all the time at festivals like these,” he said, still smiling. “You must be new here.”

“Oh, I-I am,” I nodded. “I’m from the Land of Fields. M-My name is Katya Kameneva-Uchiha.”

“Uchiha?” he raised a brow, confused for a moment, then added- “ _ Kameneva _ Uchiha? So your parents are-”

I gulped. “Yeah, um - Itachi Uchiha and Natasha Kameneva, they’re my-”

“Hey, yeah!” he snapped his fingers. “I remember them! So you’ll be Sasuke’s niece!”

Just as somebody else had pointed out. Seemed like I was being identified more by my  _ family _ than anything else. “Y-Yeah,” I said. “I haven’t seen him yet, though.”

“Well, hey, I know Sasuke,” the man said with a grin. “He’s probably patrolling around like a nutjob, anyways. Wanna go look for him with me? I’ve been meaning to find him anyways.”

“Oh,” I swallowed. Suddenly, I was being asked on an adventure - and to find my uncle, no less. “Um, sure?”

“Sweet!” he grabbed my wrist, and suddenly I was being dragged along with a yelp. My yukata, the cursed thing, didn’t give me the freedom to walk fast, or to even take longer strides - I was half-dragged behind the man as he led me outside of the crowd still surrounding the fire-swallower. I tried stammering for him to slow down, but my embarrassment began to silence me - after all, I could see people watching us. Probably watching  _ me _ .

“S-So-” I was already breathless, probably from the obi tied tightly around my waist. I dragged in a breath and managed to ask, “H-How do you know my u-uncle?”

“He’s my best friend!” he said simply, still pulling me along a little too fast. “I’ve known him since we were kids. We’ve had . . . Problems,” he trailed off, probably referencing the time my uncle had left home and joined an enemy so he could go after his brother, “But! We’re all cool now! Besides, we work together too, which makes things a lot better.”

“D-Do you work with the p-p-police, too?”

“Eh, in a fashion. Really, I work with everybody. Wait, are you okay?” he finally stopped in an area a little more free of people, and he let me go and stopped. “I didn’t realize you were getting tired - sorry about that!”

“I-It’s- fine,” I stammered, my hands on my knees as I tried to claim my breath again. It felt like it was harder to breathe than usual - I naively blamed the festivities. After all, it felt like somebody had kicked me in the chest, and I didn’t know if it was from the excitement of all those  _ people _ or not.

The man looked worried, though. “You need a medic?” he asked.

“N-No, I’m ok-kay,” I stammered, finally beginning to feel like I was able to get my breath back again. I stood up, clutching my small purse tightly in my right hand. “I’ve been traveling for a while, now. Must be trying to r-recover.”

“Are you a ninja, then?” he asked. “So many ninjas these days are traveling farther and farther.”

“I’ve been trained as one,” I said. “Nonetheless, I’m just traveling for other reasons.” Why was I telling him this stuff, anyway? I was saying too much; I told myself to quiet down and stop talking.

The man looked me over, seemingly satisfied that I was better again. “Okay!” he gave me the thumbs up. “If you’re okay, we should keep looking for Sasuke, right?”

I nodded, gave him a weak smile. “Y-Yeah, totally.”

 

***

 

At least his enthusiasm was contagious, because after a few minutes of aimless wandering, I felt like giving up. But this man, whoever he was, seemed eager to keep going, even as we were stopped by person after person. Everybody seemed to know him, seemed to ask after him and his wife. I always stood back while they talked, too shy to say anything; we were still keeping a brisk pace anyway, and it was still making it harder to breathe. I told myself, again, that it was just from the two months’ pace I’d set arriving at Konoha. After the sixth or seventh excuse of that, though, I began to wonder.

Eventually, we made it to the outskirts of the festivities and began to leave most of the people and stands behind. “Would my uncle be this far out?” I eventually asked, looking around at the bareness of the space.

“He’s probably at the gate, to be honest,” he admitted. “He’s a little paranoid lately; after all, we’ve been facing a lot of insurgents lately, but nothing we can’t take care of.”

“Oh,” I said, and I thought of Shisui. He must’ve been home at this point, I thought - his mission would’ve ended shortly after the rain did. I made a small, tiny prayer to a God I wasn’t sure was there, asking Him or Her or It that my brother was at least okay.

I was never sure if I was ever heard when I made those prayers.

“ _ Katya? _ ”

I stopped and looked up, fast - and feet away, I saw him with his blue-black hair tied back, his eyes dark and his figure sporting a short yukata with cotton capris - and I gasped.

“Uncle!” I ran forward, and in moments, I had reached him and hugged him with all of my might. My uncle, of course, grinned and hugged me back, obviously surprised - he hugged me so hard I thought he was pressing all of the air from my lungs.”

“It  _ is _ you, then,” he said, stepping back and holding me at arm’s length. “I barely recognized you in that- that yukata. What are you doing here?”

“Traveling!” I grinned and gripped my purse in both my hands to keep them from shaking. “I’m sorry I didn’t find you earlier, but so much was going on. I guess you didn’t get word from my parents, huh?”

“I never check my mail these days,” he said, and then he looked past me to the man who’d helped me find him. “Wait, Naruto? What are you doing here?”

“I was leading Katya to you!” the man laughed. “Besides, I figured you’d be patrolling like a weirdo anyway!”

Uncle Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Hey, both you and I have business to attend to,  _ Hokage _ . Besides, I thought you’d given me an order to patrol tonight.”

“. . . I did?” the man looked down in thought. “Oh yeah, I guess I did . . .”

Something had started adding up in my head . . . And then it hit me, the name my uncle had called the stranger and the way he’d said-

“Wait a sec!  _ You’re the Hokage _ ?!”

I had practically blurted it out, but the man - no, Hokage Uzumaki - looked up at me and grinned like it was nothing.

“Yep, that’s me! Naruto Uzumaki, the sixth Hokage of the Leaf Village!”


	12. Chapter 12

Needless to say, I spent the rest of the festival with the Hokage and my uncle, both of whom seemed to argue more than chat. It seemed to me that they argued often, or at least appeared to, blaming each other for each goldfish they seemed to lose during a game and fighting each other over the best chocolate banana on a stick. In a weird way, it made smile; it reminded me of Shisui and I, or of my mom and Deidara. It reminded me a little bit of home, if I was being honest. I tried not to let it remind me too fiercely, though.

After the  festival was over, I went back to the hotel and collapsed into bed, but the next morning, I forced myself up, got breakfast, returned the yukata, and searched for the building that handed out the jobs. When I first got a mission, though, the man looked me up and down, eyes narrowed.

I bit my lip. “Is there a problem?”

“No band?” he asked. I realized he meant the typical band worn by the ninjas, to distinguish where they were from.

“I’m from the Land of Fields,” I said nervously. “I never got a headband for . . . Different reasons. Um, does that mean I can’t take a mission?”

The man tilted his head and looked me over. He seemed confused, or at least conflicted. After a moment, he said, “I’m not sure. Let me go ask the Hokage for you.”

When he came back a few minutes, he was trailing behind Naruto Uzumaki, the Hokage, who had a headband in his hand with no symbol I’d seen before.

“I didn’t think you’d go to try and take a mission!” he laughed. I could only blush.

“I need some extra money before I move on,” I admitted. “My family, they couldn’t give me much pocket money when I left.”

“Hey hey hey, I never said you couldn’t take a mission! You should take this, though, just in case,” and he handed me the headband in his hand - and after a few moments of staring at it, I recognized the symbol. It was the “ninja” symbol, used during the previous Shinobi War against Obito.

“A-Am I allowed to have this?” I asked timidly.

“Of course!” he laughed. “This way, nobody asks you about it! Just be careful, alright?”

After that, each time I took a mission - whether it was to help repair a fence or investigate on some bandits - I had no problem with being identified by the band I had tied around my hips, and nobody gave me problems in terms of the missions.

The only change was when the  _ mission _ gave a problem to  _ me _ .

 

***

 

“Hey, Katya, hold up a moment!”

I had just been at the counter a few weeks later, trying to take a mission, when I heard somebody call my name. I turned, fast - behind me was standing a pink-haired kunoichi, her green eyes sharp as she took me in.

I smiled. “Aunt Sakura!”

“I was hoping to find you here,” she said as she returned my grin. “Sasuke said that you were taking missions every day, and I wanted to ask you about one myself.”

“A mission?”

“About insurgents,” she said, and I automatically tensed - I thought immediately of Shisui, of my parents. She must’ve noticed my fear. “It’s nothing big,” she quickly said, “Just a group that we were warned about approaching a little too close to Konoha. I thought I could ask you to come with me.”

Oh . . . So they couldn’t be near my family. Of  _ course _ . Why had I ever thought that? I swallowed my fears, feeling a little ridiculous, and nodded. “S-Sure, I guess. But why me?”

“Mostly because Sasuke asked me to. He seemed a little worried about you last time I’d heard,” she said with a shrug. “Besides, aren’t we allowed to talk at all?”

“Of course we are!” I insisted. I hadn’t been able to speak with Aunt Sakura much anyways - she and my mother didn’t get along very well, although why, I never knew. She seemed to nod and smile at my agreement though, and knowing that she wasn’t judging me for my shock - and my fear - was a little reassuring, to be honest.

 

***

 

We headed west out of Konoha and pretty much ran the whole way, without horses or any sort of means to travel besides our feet. “They’re not too far out here, I was told,” she said as I tried to keep up. “According to our intel, they’ll just be a few miles outside here, and we wanted to cut them off just in case they planned to attack. You doing okay?”

“Y-Yeah,” I stuttered. To be honest, my chest felt like there were little flames hopping around inside of it, and it made breathing a little difficult. Even so, I shook my head and tried to act like it was fine. “S-So,” I stuttered, “You’re a fighter? Mom said you were a m-medic.”

“Your mom . . . Natasha, right?” she frowned a little, not trying to even hide it from me. “Yeah, I’m a medic - and a lot better than she is at this point, though she’d never admit it. I haven’t nearly died healing a man yet, so-”

“Th-That wasn’t what I- what I meant,” I huffed out. Noticing that, she seemed to slow down a little. I appreciated it. It was getting hard to talk.

“Sorry,” she said, and continued. “I was trained by the fifth Hokage, Lady Tsunade. I don’t have much in terms of ninjutsu, but I can kick a guy’s ass with my bare hands. Just ask Naruto - I can beat him two times out of three, at least when we’re not using any dirty tricks.”

“S-Sounds like you’re pretty strong.”

“Yeah, I guess so. What about you? I’ve never seen you fight before.”

Of course she hadn’t. Of  _ course _ . I hadn’t seen her in years, the last time being shortly before I started to fight again. “N-Ninjutsu,” I stammered. “My mom’s wind, Dad’s fire. I-I just make the fire stronger, sort of. I can do t-taijutsu too. A little g-g-genjutsu if I-” I stopped talking, still struggling to keep up. “Sorry, can we- can we slow-?”

She stopped, and so did I. I bent down and put my hands on my knees, trying to swallow down breaths. For some reason, it felt harder to get my breath back. I wondered why. “Sounds like you’re pretty strong most of the time,” Sakura said.

“Y-Yeah,” I stammered as I tried to breathe. “M-Madara trained me t-t-too, at times. He sent me my- my kodachi.”

“The blade,” she gestured at it, strapped firmly at my left hip again. She was one of the only people who knew that Madara was alive.

I nodded and put a hand to my chest, trying to focus on my breaths. “H-He sent it to me from S-Suna,” I said. “For my eighteenth birthday-”

“An expensive gift, that’s for sure,” she said, but then she approached and put a hand on my shoulder, and I looked up and saw her face pinched with concern. “Are you okay? You should’ve recovered by now.”

“B-Been doing missions e-every day now,” I said. “P-Probably just wear.”

“Anything else been hurting abnormally lately? Muscle sores?”

“N-Nah, just the- the lungs. Muscles just- just get better after a d-day.”

“Huh,” she frowned, but I couldn’t answer that - besides, I was finally getting my breath back, steady through my lungs again. I managed to stand again, making her hand fall away.

“S-Sorry about that,” I said. “It’s hard to run around all day, every day, I guess.”

“. . . Maybe,” she said with a frown.

I started to get worried. “Is something wrong?”

“Well- no, I guess not. If it gets worse again, though, tell me. You okay to run again?”

She seemed worried. Wait, more than worried - a mix of that and concern, as if I was a new problem for her to study. I swallowed and shrugged. “Could we slow down a little bit more, please?” I asked. “The running, it’s a little fast.”

She bit her lip and nodded. And then we turned back to the path before us and kept going, even as my chest continued to burn.

 

***

 

It couldn’t have been more than a half hour later - a half hour later, when we emerged from the sea of trees into a sudden empty plain, and she held out her arm and stopped me. “Hold on a second,” she said, and I could hear the tone of her voice well enough to know something was wrong. “Something doesn’t feel right,” she said, confirming my suspicion, and she looked over her shoulder at me as if to make sure I was okay. “Do you feel what I feel?”

I shut my eyes for a moment and noticed it - some kind of subtle unbalance, as if the scenery change was a lot more than just that - a change of scene. I nodded a little. “Yeah, I think I do,” I said. “What do you think it is?”

“I don’t know,” she said, then paused. “You said you had some experience in genjutsu, right?”

“Yeah,” I lowered my voice. “Do you want me to try using my Sharingan?”

She started. “You have that?!”

“Just the three tomoe - but yes, I do,” I explained. “Maybe I can figure out what’s going on.”

“Go ahead, then,” she said. “I don’t mind.”

I shut my eyes and focused, and in an instant, I felt it - that familiar feeling, like I could feel a gulp of hot tea spreading through my body, warming me to my very core as my eyes itched with that familiar feeling of Sharingan. I let out a breath, softly, as I welcomed the feeling; when it activated without my consent, when I woke up from terrifying dreams and saw the world in red and black, it always scared me. But when I had the control, the power behind it . . . I felt strong. It was a different kind of power, better than that accidental feeling where I felt I had no control. It made me feel alive.

It was a good thing, too. When I opened my eyes, the first man had already begun to rush us.

“GET DOWN!” and I tackled Sakura so hard we both fell, the man going right past us with his sword splitting the air right where my aunt had stood. I scrambled up, fast - my hand fell onto her back, forcing chakra through her, so I knew she’d be able to see too, and there they all were - several men, with strikes through their headbands, all grouped together and facing us.

It was four to one, and not in our favor.

“Insurgents . . .” My aunt hissed. “Just like I thought.”

One of the men snarled at us. His voice was like rubble in an avalanche. “Didn’t think two lonely ladies would turn out to be  _ kunoichi _ .”

“You were sorely mistaken,” Sakura hissed. “What are you doing nearby Konoha?”

“Are we near Konoha?” one of the men hissed. “What a surprise.”

“Don’t play games with me. I’m the right-hand lady to the Hokage, and trust me, we don’t take kindly to your antics,” Sakura shot back as I stood back, trying not to tremble. It’d been so sudden, and I wasn’t prepared - I was just getting back my senses, watching the bloodied world around me through my Sharingan’d eyes.

“Pah! Who cares about that stupid  _ jinchuruki _ ? The only use for him is in Lord Obito’s plans, the plans to rid the world of those monsters and destroy the need for war!” the first man claimed, and I felt something like acid rise in my gut - anger.

“Hey!” I stepped forward, finally finding the will to be a little braver. “The hell is that, then?! You want to stop war, but you’re going around making people suffer anyways! What kind of contradicting assholes  _ are _ you?!”

One of the men laughed. “Oh, look, the little girl can do more than scream. This’ll be fun.”

I snapped, my hands flying fast into their signs. “I AM NO LITTLE GIRL!” I shouted, and then I felt the chakra billowing at my sternum and between my hands and in my throat-

_ And I breathed fire _ .

I heard Sakura behind me shouting my name, but I was intent on the men in front of me, suddenly running as the flames, spurred on by my winded hands, rushed them. My eyes were so fast, watching how they all spread - I spat fire faster than them, catching them in my blaze before they could all go free, and I could hear their screams. Hear their agony.

That sound sent a shiver down my spine, enough to make me let up - but the fight wasn’t even over.

I saw Sakura rush ahead, and I saw why - the men who’d escaped the flames, they rushed forward. I saw a man dart in front of me; I ducked his punch, grabbed my kodachi from my hip. It rang as I unsheathed it, ready to swing. He was too close, though; his hand grabbed my collar, held me still as he pulled back his hand and-

_ Stars _ . I’d been too slow, and I saw stars as I dropped.

I gasped and grabbed at my chest, the feeling of flames growing. I saw his feet near me, though - I tightened the grip on my blade and swung. I saw the blade slice into his calf, a little bit above his ankle, and I saw blood spurt-

I gasped as I heard bone break and heard him scream.

_ Sharp blade _ , I thought, but I forced myself up as the man toppled, but before I could stab him, end him, I felt another blow to the chest. I fell as I realized I’d been kicked, and I forced myself up as another man came at me, slapping a seal to my shirt that I quickly ripped off - taking a great portion of my sleeve with it - and threw away.

It exploded, a sharp sound.

I rushed forward and ducked his hands, his knife, and I thrust my kodachi between his ribs and up. He shouted a curse, and I almost did too as his blood splattered my face, but I pulled back and gasped as I stood upright again, breaths caught in my throat. I watched the man fall and felt myself stagger, too, without really knowing why- bracing my hand on my knee, my grip on my kodachi weakening.

_ That’s weird _ , I thought first.

And then I felt my breath  _ stop _ .

I gasped with nothing - I grabbed at my chest and dropped my sword as I fell to my knees, and all of a sudden, I felt panic rising in my body. I grabbed at my throat, tried to drag in air, but I couldn’t- I couldn’t feel the air in my throat, and it wouldn’t go down and  _ stay _ , and my vision started burning like- like the blacks and reds were mixing into ill oil.

I tried to scream - but all that came was a whistle, a faint blow of air. I grabbed at the ground - my knees gave up. I hit the ground hard, still trying to breathe, hands grabbing at my shirt and my neck as I heard somebody shout my name, as my mind vaguely thought  _ you should really answer that poor screaming person _ -

I saw a flash of red and tried screaming again - but my empty wail dragged me into the earth too fast to resist as I blacked out.


	13. Chapter 13

There was a lot of shouting, right in my face, and I felt like I was breathing through a tiny tube. The back of my head was tilted back, scratching badly from something it laid against. My chest was burning; just at my sternum, I felt some kind of warmth, something . . . Nice. Like sunlight was touching my skin.

Then- something opened like water through my veins.

My chest pushed out, and my mouth opened with a  _ gasp _ as my head tilted back farther, pressed harder against whatever I was leaning against.

“. . . Katya, you’re oka . . . Katya, wake up! . . .”

The shouting had begun to become clearer, almost to recognizable words. But I couldn’t find the will to move, nor the energy - I was too tired to try. I tried to let everything go again, sink back into sleep so I wouldn’t have to feel my still-burning chest . . .

I felt a powerful hit across the face, and my eyes flew open.

“Dammit Katya, I know you’re awake! Don’t pass out on me!”

I sucked in another grateful, cool breath of air, and I choked on a cry at just how good, how  _ needed _ , that oxygen was. I could see the grass just a few feet from my eyes; I was staring at the ground. I groaned and forced myself to try and sit up, and when I felt the roughness from the back of my head on the back of my shirt, I realized where I was. I was leaning up against one of the trees from the forest.

“Katya!”

My eyes focused forward, and I realized who’d been screaming: Aunt Sakura. I stared at her for a moment, breathing grateful breath after grateful breath, and she grabbed my shoulders and tried not to shake me.

“Are you okay?! Hurt anywhere? Breathing now?”

I blinked at her sudden, rapid-fire words. Everything seemed to go slowly, like dripping molasses; I nodded to her questions.

“Oh, thank god,” she let me go and sighed. “I was trapped between a couple of those guys when I saw you collapse, and they used the time I was distracted to flee. Stupid cowards!” she cursed. “What happened back there? One minute you’re fighting fine, and then-”

I had collapsed. I shut my eyes and shivered, trying to remember clearly, but it all came in pieces; the fight, the fall. The feeling of something being caught in my throat. I raised a hand to my neck and breathed again, tried to feel for whatever had been lodged before, if anything. Of course, there was nothing.

“-this is crazy. What  _ was _ that? Do you have any idea?!”

I looked back to her and began to feel tired again. I couldn’t answer all of her questions; I was too tired to, and I still had to focus on my breaths. I just shook my head.

“Dammit!” she slammed the ground with her fist, and I couldn’t help but notice that she left a crater. She sat there like a statue; angry, hostile. And then she lifted her fist and turned her back to me, grabbing my wrists and pulling them around her neck.

“Wh-Wha-?” I gasped.

“I’m taking you back to Konoha,” she said as she grabbed my ankles and stood so I was on her back. “I’m going to take you to my sensei. She’ll know what’s going on, I know it.”

Her sensei. My mind scraped at the answer. “L-Lady Tsunade?” I asked.

“Yeah. She works as a doctor now, after having given up the position of Hokage. Try not to fall asleep,” she said as she broke into a sprint.

Of course, I could never follow an order. Seconds later, I laid my forehead against her shoulder and passed out again.

 

***

 

“Miss Uchiha, I don’t have time for games!”

Enough with all the  _ shouting _ . Another voice woke me; I kept my eyes closed and gave off a muttered curse, burrowing my forehead further against my aunt’s shoulder.

“God dammit, Miss Uchiha! Wake up!”

_ What a moody medic _ , I thought in annoyance, but I finally opened my eyes, just a little, and lifted my head so I could see her.

. . . She looked awfully young for an ex-Hokage.

Like,  _ really _ young. Like,  _ ten _ years older than me.

And rather beautiful.

. . . Wait, what was I saying?!

The lady in front of me looked only about thirty or so, with long blonde hair tied back into twin pigtails and a pale face marked only with a purple diamond at the center of her forehead. She was robed in green, for whatever reason, and as I scanned her up and down, I concluded -  _ definitively _ \- that she was a woman. A woman, and most likely Lady Tsunade.

Her eyes had been angry before, but her expression became less severe as she noticed my open eyes, and she smirked - just slightly. It made my heart flutter a little bit, too - her eyes were kind, now that I was complying. “There we go,” she said with her rougher, feminine tone. “You’re Katya, right? Katya Kameneva-Uchiha?”

She knew my name. I was still on Sakura’s back. She’d told her. I nodded quietly, suddenly feeling shy even as I realized I felt much more awake then I did before.

“Katya, I’m Tsunade. A pleasure,” she nodded. “Can you stand? I think Mrs. Uchiha is beginning to get weary of carrying you.”

I blinked and looked around. It looked like we were inside, the waiting room to a doctor’s office or something. The walls were white; a few people milled around, but nobody really took notice of us. I wonder if they had earlier.

Suddenly, I was jostled. “Can you walk?” Sakura asked me again, and I thought it through.

“I-I think,” I said, and I felt her let go of my ankles. I lowered my feet to the floor and let go of Sakura’s neck, letting her step away, but I still swayed on the spot. Tsunade quickly reached out and put a hand on my shoulder, and her touch - it was like she’d been sashaying on a wool rug, because it was  _ static _ .

“Hold steady,” she said, and I did. Oh, I did.

My mind was rattling with a million different thoughts, anywhere from  _ where the hell am I _ to  _ god, her hand is so warm _ , but I tried to think of the rational thought, the one I should be voicing. “Wh-Where am I?” I asked.

“You’re at the hospital,” Sakura said with a quick nod of the head. “It hasn’t been more than an hour - I sprinted the whole way here. Sasuke should be along later, too, but you need to get checked out, okay?”

“You could’ve checked her yourself, Sakura. You have the ability,” Tsunade pointed out.

“I couldn’t make a diagnosis. I’ve never seen this before,” she said.

“Well, we’ll have to work it out together, then,” Tsunade said, and she stepped forward and grabbed my arm so she could pull it over her shoulders. “Let’s get you to a room, okay?”

 

***

 

Once I was seated on a cushioned, elevated bench in one of the rooms, Tsunade began drilling me with questions while Sakura waited outside the room.  _ What happened? Where was the pain? What were the symptoms? _ I tried to answer as best as I could - I’d had trouble breathing, my chest had been burning on the inside, I couldn’t talk or scream. Tsunade sat and took quick notes on what I said, and I tried to get as much information out of my mouth as I could, but she eventually raised her hand at me for silence. I sighed; immediately, though, I dragged in another breath.

“I’m not really good with doctors and s-stuff,” I said quietly, feeling my face go red.

“Many people aren’t - it’s not just you. Can you remove your shirt?”

I started. “Wh-What?”

“I just want to check your lungs,” she said as she looked up at me. Her gaze was too piercing, or at least it felt like it. I swallowed and nodded, reaching down to my hem and yanking it over my head. My hair almost got tangled; I had to work it out with my fingers, feeling it against my bare back as it settled. I folded my shirt and put it to the side; looking down at myself, I realized I was only wearing a skin-colored bra, and a rather . . . Plain . . . One at that.  _ How embarrassing _ , I thought.

She seemed to notice my discomfort as she stood, pulling a stethoscope from her pocket and placing the buds in her ears. “At least you have proper blow flow to your cheeks. Don’t worry, most people are a little embarrassed like that,” she said as she pressed the cold metal to my skin. After a moment, she cocked her head. “Your heartbeat’s a little fast, though. Are you sure there’s no cardiovascular issue?”

Oh, god. I swallowed. “I-I think it’s for a different reason,” I said.

“Anxiety?”

I could only nod.

“Understandable. Hold a moment,” she said as she lifted the metal bit and moved it to different places, asking me to take deep breaths as she listened. I did as she told; I tried to ignore my discomfort and failed. When she pulled away, she seemed concerned - she put her stethoscope away with a “hmm”.

“I think I might have a suspicion of what this might be,” she said as she turned away to a set of drawers and began opening them all up, seemingly at random. “I think I have a medication I could test . . .”

“Will it h-help?” I asked.

“It should, if I’m right.”

“I-I bet you’re right a lot,” I spilled out, only to feel my face go even hotter. She looked back at me with a raised brow; I hunched my shoulders and buried my face in my hands.  _ God? _ I thought to myself.  _ If you’re up there, please. Smite me where I sit. _

Unfortunately, no such smiting occurred; instead, Tsunade walked over with some kind of tool, one shaped like an L with a kind of mouthpiece at the short end. “Put this to your lips and press down the button on the top,” she said, “And then take a big breath.”

I took it in my hands and did as she said. I breathed a big breath - and the feeling that shot through my chest was both expanding and really, really weird. I nearly dropped the tool as I took in a  _ huge _ breath, a hand to my sternum, feeling sweet, sweet oxygen move deeper into my lungs again. I keeled forward and shut my eyes, finally feeling like I could  _ breathe _ again, the tool still clutched tightly in my right hand.

I heard Tsunade make another small, confirming noise. “Better?” she asked.

I couldn’t even talk, the feeling of being able to take a breath was so good. I just nodded, fast.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” she said, and I felt her pry the tool from my hand. “Put your shirt back on. Can I call Sakura back in?”

I agreed and managed to sit up. I pulled on my shirt just as she opened the door and let Sakura in; my aunt sat down in a chair nearby and looked me over, taking in my pink face and deep-throated breaths. “Are you okay?” she asked.

“Y-Yeah,” I nodded. “I think.”

“She’s okay for  _ now _ , she means,” Tsunade said as she looked back to me. “Katya, I know what’s going on now, at least - you have asthma.”

I grabbed at my shirt’s hem again with nerves. “Asthma?”

“Asthma’s a condition of the lungs. They’re more likely to get inflamed than normal, and such moments like you suffered from before - asthma attacks - are very possible. It can also get aggravated over time - you mentioned that you’d felt some issues breathing on the way here, even?”

I had. And then when I thought about it more, I remembered having some moments even back at home, wondering why I was still breathing hard after a day with Hashi. I bit my lower lip. “Is this . . . Bad?”

“It can be,” she said. “Especially in your case, since it seems to be caused by exercise, it could be very bad. The fact that you’re traveling, too, is a bad thing - it means less chance to rest, and after this, you’ll need to rest a fair bit.”

I started. “I won’t be able to travel?!”

“That’s not what I mean. I mean it’ll be  _ harder _ . I can make you medication to take with you in case something happens, and I can give you an inhaler in case of emergencies, but you’ll have to be careful of how hard you push yourself. So you can still travel - and you can still fight, too,” she said at my sudden horrified look as I realized  _ what if I have to defend myself _ ? “Asthma can be dealt with fairly easily if you simply watch out for the symptoms. It’s still possible to lead a life with it, that’s for sure.”

“Hey, Lady Tsunade?” Sakura finally cut in. “How come you never told me about this? I had no idea what to do out there!”

“Asthma’s gotten rarer and rarer lately, so it’s not often somebody comes in with a case like this,” Tsunade said. “Besides that, what you told me you did was an acceptable, temporary treatment. I’ll give you more details later.”

“B-But this is fixable,” I asked.

She looked to me, her eyes piercing. I shrank upon myself, worried if I had spoken out of turn. Thankfully, she just smiled and laughed. “I wouldn’t say ‘fixable’,” she said, “But you can live with it. I’ve seen worse!”

Somebody knocked on the door. Tsunade walked over and opened the door just a crack, but in moments, it was practically flung open as my uncle suddenly marched inside. “What’s going on?! What-” he stopped and looked at me before approaching and laying a hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay?!”

“Y-Yeah,” I nodded, feeling - for a moment - like I really was. “It was pretty bad for a while, but I think I’m okay now.”

“Thank Rikudou,” he said as he suddenly leaned forward and pulled me into a hug. “My brother would’ve killed me if something happened to you.”

His brother - my  _ dad _ . The reminder felt like a knife twisting in my guts. If he’d been there - or even my mom - what would’ve happened? I swallowed and just hugged him back. “I’m okay, Uncle Sasuke,” I said. “I’m alright.”

And I wondered, for the millionth time, why my parents’ names always had to come before mine, even when I was called by my first name.


	14. Chapter 14

Uncle Sasuke insisted that I stay at his home that night in case something happened, and though I tried to explain that I felt perfectly alright, he dragged me home anyways. He gave me a place on his couch and told me to say something if I needed anything, but I just said alright and let him do as he willed. I didn’t want to bother him, even if I was still shaking and scared.

Later that evening, when he and my aunt were asleep, I turned on a lamp and grabbed a piece of paper, intent on writing home. I’d gotten a pen from the coffee table next to the couch and simply clicked it on, and I began to write.

 

_ Mom, Dad, Shi-shi, _

_ It feels good to write to you guys, after what’s been happening. I’m at Konoha now - I’ve been here for the last month or so, taking in the sights and working to get a little more money in my pocket. It’s certainly been crazy - first the ride here, and then working. It’s incredible. I can see now, Mom and Dad, why you love this place so much. _

_ The first day I was here, even, there was a festival. I was practically forced to dress up for it with the promise of free ramen if I did . . . So I ended up renting a yukata and going. I’ve included a photograph with this letter, so you can see. That was the same night I met not just Uncle Sasuke, but the Hokage, too! It was so weird, really, but I had a really good time. Ever since then, I’ve been working to get some more cash. _

  
  


I paused and put the end of the pen at my lip, trying to decide how much more to say. Should I tell them about my missions? My asthma? My mission against the insurgents? I bit the end of the pen, unsure where to start or where to end. I decided to try and delay the inevitable.

 

_ I hope all of you have been doing well. Mom, how’s the studio? Has the wall been fixed yet? And Dad, has the flooding gone down at all? You were right - a few days into the journey, and it started raining like crazy. The paths never got so bad I couldn’t keep going, but it definitely was inundated! And Shisui - how did your mission go? I was worried that you were going to be in trouble because of the flooding I mentioned earlier. Did everything turn out okay? I wish I could’ve stayed to see you back, but the rain . . . There was just no choice, unless I waited for another month . . . _

_ I guess I’m just trying to avoid writing this, but I guess I probably should explain. Mom, Dad, I got a weird diagnosis today. I was going with Aunt Sakura to fight a bunch of insurgents, and I ended up . . . I ended up being unable to breathe. She took me to the hospital, to her sensei Tsunade, and- _

 

I stopped. How was I supposed to describe it? How was I supposed to explain that a woman like Tsunade, for no reason, seemed to leave me nervous and stuttering? I sighed and chewed on my pen again. It was undeniable that she was a very pretty lady - no, not pretty. Beautiful. Gorgeous. Gobsmacking.

. . . But why did I react the way I did?

I leaned back and shut my eyes. I could still see her image behind my eyes, her smiling eyes as she explained that she’d have medication made up for me by tomorrow, her smirk to me as she said to take it easy for the rest of the night. Just thinking of those little details made my face heat up, and I didn’t know  _ why _ . Besides, she was so much older than I was, and I’d never even  _ met _ her! I’d said before that doctors made me nervous, but I’d never been so nervous around anybody like that, not even a physician. Was it just her presence? It did seem to take up a room. Or maybe it was just that she was a kind doctor, an exceptional one, and somebody I wouldn’t mind being . . . Friends . . . With. Yes, of course; I just wanted to be her friend, maybe. What else could it have been?

The whole thought process was making my head spin. I sighed; the more I debated it, the more complicated it seemed to get. I just leaned down and continued where I left off.

 

_ She took me to the hospital, to her sensei Tsunade, and she told me that I had something called asthma. I don’t really get all of it, but the gist is that I have trouble breathing sometimes, especially with exercise. It’s nothing huge - she told me that she can make me two kinds of medication, one for consistent use and one for emergencies - but it was still pretty frightening. When Uncle Sasuke heard about it, he demanded that I stay at his place to rest up. So here I am. _

 

But he’d let me stay because I was his brother’s daughter. His  _ brother’s _ daughter. As if that was the only part that mattered; I respected my uncle a great deal, of course, but I couldn’t help but feel like it was just my last name that he was listening to, just my last name that made him sympathetic at all. And he wasn’t the only one; Aunt Sakura and Tsunade seemed to react the same way. Hell, the only person who had seemed to see me past all of that was the Hokage, and that was because he knew my uncle!

I put my pen down so I could rub at my temples tiredly, and I sat back against the couch to try and relax. I tilted my head back as I thought. While I was enjoying Konoha, I felt like I was still being . . . Choked. I had thought that my last names would give me protection of a sort, but it seemed that they were making it worse, constructing a fine silk noose around my neck so everybody who knew my parents and me could grab the threads and make it harder to breathe. Like I was tied and bound with that same string, the tighter it was binding, the thicker the lines of red it made over my skin. At first, I hadn’t even noticed the strands; I’d just been glad for the familiar faces. But now . . .

_ But there will no familiar faces once you leave _ , I thought, and I knew that. Once I left Konoha, there’d be no more familiar faces until the Land of Stone, and even then, there was the possibility that Deidara wouldn’t be there in time, wouldn’t have gotten the note that my parents tried to send to him before. That meant even longer without somebody who knew me, somebody who could reassure me.

I’d be . . . Alone.

_ Maybe that’s what you need _ , my heart seemed to tell me.  _ Maybe you need to find people who don’t know you by your names and tell them who you are yourself, instead of finding the people who knew your parents. _

I gulped. It was a scary prospect, to throw myself to the wolves. I’d set out on this journey to escape the life I had at home, of course, but I had never thought that by leaving, I’d be leaving  _ all _ of it behind. My names, my history, the frugal protection two names could baptize me with - those would mean nothing when I left. Once I turned away from Konoha, there’d be nobody to truly know who I was, and no words of “Uchiha” or “Kameneva” would help me. It’d be all up to me.

I knew that I was right. I could feel the tears bud in my eyes, and those were what convinced me. But there was fear, too, nestling in my stomach like a lemon I’d swallowed whole. I knew if I tried to keep going forward, that lemon would just rise, nestling right under my sternum so I couldn’t breathe again.

. . . Except now, I was prepared. I could make it go away with just a firm awareness.

So I leaned forward, back to my letter, and forced myself to write the words.

 

_ I don’t . . . Think I’ll be here long. In fact, I’m leaving. Tomorrow. It’s awfully sudden for me to decide this, especially since I know you won’t be able to write back since I’ll be gone, but I think it’s better this way. I appreciate all the help I’ve gotten thanks to the people that know me, but I just need to go. After all, two years is a long time, but not long enough for me to linger for too long. It’s either I keep going, or I stagnate here. _

_ Mom: don’t worry about me too badly. I’ll be moving into the Land of Tea and through the Land of Wind soon, but it’ll all be good, I promise. I’ll be careful, just like you insist. And yes, I will be taking a horse. _

_ Dad: don’t worry about trying to send me money or something; you guys need it more. Watch out for insurgents, too - the group I’d been fighting, well, they escaped after my accident and were moving north. Maybe they’ll go to the Land of Iron or something, but they could step your way. Please, be careful. _

_ Shisui: I wish I could be there to keep an eye on you, but I’m afraid I can’t right now. Still, I want to assume that your mission went well, so congrats, okay? Your sister will be back eventually, okay? _

_ I love you guys . . . Stay safe! _

_ Katya _

 

I sighed and tried to think if I’d missed a thing - and then I thought of Madara.  _ He’d be still at sea, maybe, _ I realized,  _ but if he got back to my parents . . . _

I decided to add an addendum.

 

_ PS: If Madara gets there by the time you get this letter, tell him that I’ll be spending the next three months riding through Suna and into the Land of Earth. Also, tell him thank you a million times for me - the kodachi has saved my life more than once already. _

 

I put down my pen and rolled up my note, including one of the pictures from the festival night and a smiley face on the back. And then I wrote a tag with the address and tied it on, and then I left it outside the door for postman to take next morning.

. . . So it was settled. There was no more turning back after this - I was moving on next morning, once I had my medications. I laid down and shut my eyes, hoping to a God I wasn’t sure was around for my letter to find my family happy and healthy.

 

***

 

What I didn’t know, and wouldn’t know for a good long time, was that my letter  _ would _ find my family, but it wouldn’t find them being well. My mom would sit on the couch and read it, and she would certainly shed as many happy tears for my traveling as she did fearful tears for my predicament and concerns. My father would read it and nod sadly, mentioning that Madara would arrive in a few days, and they could keep the letter for him to read himself. If they were careful, they would be able to convince him to stay for a little bit before he went running after her.

And then they asked what they would do about Shisui.

Because I had been right - Shisui  _ was _ home. He was home, safe and sound in physical body. But that first night, when he’d come back soaked to the bone with rain and blood, he’d asked immediately to see me, practically begged them to let him see me.

And they had to tell him that I’d left, days earlier, to avoid the oncoming storm.

. . . Ever since, he’d locked himself in his room, coming out for meals, missions, and the occasional attempt to appear like nothing at all was wrong in front of my mother and father.

But besides that, they couldn’t get him to read the letter. And when they looked in his -  _ our _ \- room, they discovered he’d taken my possessions from their places around the room and thrown them all underneath the bed where he couldn’t see them.


	15. Chapter 15

I left the next day before noon, just like I’d meant to do. I said my separate goodbyes to my aunt and uncle before getting my medication, and then I thanked Lady Tsunade for her help.

“Just take it easy on the road, okay?” she smiled. “No need to get into any fights if you can help it!”

“I- of course,” I nodded.  _ Just a friendship thing _ , I told myself.  _ Just friendship. _

I grabbed Hashi and my horse, and we rode out of Konoha with a clatter of hooves and a birdcall back. My saddlebags were newly full with food, money, and medication; my new headband was now tied around my head, keeping the April sun overhead out of my eyes. Besides that, I was dressed in a simple short-sleeve shirt and shorts; it was getting warm enough that my usual long-sleeved boatneck no longer cut it. My hair was tied back, my boots were long and leather-supple - I was ready.

It was a good thing. Riding out of the Land of Fire wasn’t hard, but it was arduous, and the further south I went, the hotter it became. I ended up cutting down into the smaller countries and into the Land of Tea; unfortunately, my map-reading was so bad that I ended up cutting out of the country more than once, accidentally riding in the Land of Precipice. Ooh, the way those guards berated me when I cut corners and intruded without meaning to . . .

I had to take a break halfway through the country, though - no matter how I tried to take the medication given to me with a regular timing, the hard riding was still hard on my lungs, and I ended up riding into town one day and practically collapsed on my horse’s back, digging for my emergency inhaler and taking a big breath to try and calm my hyperventilation. Luckily, some of the villagers noticed my predicament and helped take care of me; I got a bath, new clothes, and a room for the night. It wore down on my money, but at least I could get more food. Thankfully.

It was so odd to have to worry about an extra thing during my travels. I could remember talking to my family when I was younger about my travels, especially to Madara. Sometimes, I preferred him over my own parents - I preferred training with him, when I knew he wouldn’t hold back so much it became a nuisance (because my parents always held back, especially my mom, far too much), and he was always honest with me. Before I was able to fight again, he was the person I talked to about my fears.

I remembered asking him, one day, why he traveled all the time, when it seemed to be so much work. “I grew up as a shinobi, okay?” he said. “It’s in my blood. I find that I can’t stay in one place for too long, or else I get jittery.”

“Where have you stayed the longest?” I asked.

“Recently? Land of Lakes, with the Akatsuki Base,” he said. “But overall, I probably spend most of my time on the mainland, in the Land of Fire. There are enough cultures there to keep it interesting.”

“Is it ever hard? To have to move on?”

“Sometimes. It got harder when I started watching out for your mom and dad.”

“Do you ever miss them?”

“Yeah, sometimes.”

“Do you ever miss  _ me _ ?”

It’d been an innocent enough question, and he’d laughed, alright. But then he sobered, still smiling, and ruffled my hair with his hand.

“Yeah,” he said. “I miss you all the time, Kat.”

Memories like that, the ones where I somehow  _ knew _ Madara was sympathizing with me, both brought tears to my eyes and made me smile. The only difference, it seemed, was that he was so used to it, while I was not. He’d lived a long time, and he’d seen a lot, but not everything.

I, though, was just beginning.

It was an exciting feeling, even if it did leave me breathless far too often.

 

***

 

I rode into the Land of Crabs once I left the Land of Tea, but weeks later, I finally found myself in the Land of Wind. It had taken two months to get to that point, and all of a sudden, everything about my travels changed. The familiar earth I was used to riding on became grittier, and then dry before morphing into sand. That first day that started the sand, I knew I was in trouble - or, moreso, the  _ horse _ was in trouble. It couldn’t ride over the uneven sand; it was impossible. It was getting really hot, too - only May, and I was feeling very lucky for having changed into a tank top. But the evening then got cold,  _ really _ cold, and I spent an evening huddling by the fire with the horse at my back and Hashi on my knee. I don’t think any of us really slept that night.

The next day, I got lucky - I found a village where I was able to find a stablehand and ask about how to better help the horse along. To my embarrassment, he laughed at me. Yeah,  _ at _ me. Not a pleasant feeling. “Don’t you know? It’s bloody useless to go riding a horse in this here sand!” he said. “Where y’from, to know so little ‘bout that?”

I looked away, bundled my shirt’s hem in my hands. “Um, the Land of Fields,” I said.

“Aw, shucks, that’d be why! You’ve come a long way, miss!” he hooted with laughter. “Tell ya what, I’ll pay a fine deal for the horse, and you can go do whatever with it. Maybe I should give you a map, too, see if that helps you find your way a little better amongst all this foreign soil!”

“Hey!” I pouted. “I have a map, mister!”

“Oh, sure, sure you do,” he laughed. “Okay, the horse. I’ll run up the numbers for you.”

After that ordeal, I took the money and spent it - quickly. I bought a better bag to sling over my shoulder, just to keep most of my equipment and medicines together, and I got a long cloak to keep myself warm in the evenings. I took the bother of getting a decent pair of leather gloves, too; I assumed that Hashi would either fly, or land on my forearm while I walked. I got another bath; I took another night at an inn. Once my morning meal was done, though, I was out - back to the land of Suna, on my own.

 

***

 

There was almost nobody to find while I traveled, so I was extremely grateful for the pendant Madara’d gotten me. With my map spread between my hands (or on the ground, pinned by my knees when the going got tough), I’d flip it over and watch the needle spin, and it would inform my next direction. I was headed to Suna; that was my perogative, at least at first. But as the heat got worse and the food became scarcer, I realized I’d have to abandon those plans - I was falling behind in time, and while I thought it’d be interesting to meet the famed Kazekage, I figured it would be best to focus on - y’know - surviving.

I passed through another village as I turned my feet northwest, a village that was much bigger than the ones I stopped through before. It was more like a small city, almost; it felt a little bit like home, excepting that there was more sand, less trees, and decent human beings.

Something stuck with me as I passed through, though; it wasn’t that I stayed particularly long, or even that anybody helped me at all. I didn’t even get a room, wanting to hurry into the Land of Grass before the heat got much worse. But something caught my eye while I was waiting outside of a food stand for a bowl of ramen. I’d been leaning against the open-air bar, staring out into the street, when I saw a family turn a corner into the lane.

To be honest, the family was fairly ordinary in and of itself; a mom and dad, two young boys, an even younger girl. The eldest seemed to be just ready for the Ninja Academy, but the girl was still hyperactive and tripping at her age. The mom and dad seemed really happy, too - they corralled the children towards the restaurant where I stood, and as they approached, it became clearer why I was so surprised.

The mother and father had different colors of skin.

I’d seen lots of people of different races, and it never bothered me before. Didn’t even as I stood there, watching the family walk over. But I had never really seen a couple of two different colors before; it just wasn’t part of where I grew up. The mother was pale, paler than me, but the dad has skin the color of carefully-steeped tea. Their children were a blend between them, like a mix of - what was it - Earth and Wind countries. I was surprised, of course, but the memory meant more later, and I would bring it up more than once.

But when the family approached, I smiled at them, and they smiled at me. The girl walked over and pulled on my leather boot, trying to get my attention. “Are you new here?” she asked with wide eyes.

“I’m a traveler,” I said with a smile. “So I’m just passing through.”

Her eyes got big as she saw my headband. “What’s  _ that _ ?”

“It’s a ninja headband. It labels me as a fighter, I guess,” I said. I felt like pulling at it; it was making me self-conscious. “I didn’t get one where I was born, so this is one from the last Shinobi War.”

“Will I get one too someday?”

“I guess, if you become a ninja,” I said. “Yours will have a different design, of course.”

“Oh,” she nodded, but her eyes never left mine. I bit my lower lip.

“What is it?” I asked. “Is there something on my face?”

She cocked her head. And then she said: “You look really, really strong with that thing on your head.”

My words caught. A little girl, saying I looked “strong”? She was too young to know. Too young to know that I wasn’t strong at all, not compared to my family or anybody else. Even when I had fought with Aunt Sakura, before I had fallen, I’d been rash and stupid; my anger had controlled me. And then the asthma attack . . .

“Are you okay?”

I realized that I was crying, tears dropping onto the earth below me, at hers and my feet. “Oh,” I reached up and wiped the tears away. “I’m okay, just- got sun in my eye.”

“Are you alright, ma’am?”

I looked up; the mother was talking to me. I smiled, even if it came out strained. “I’m alright,” I said. “Just the sun.”

“I hope my daughter wasn’t bothering you,” she said.

“No, no; not at all,” I said. “It was nice to talk to her. She was just curious about my headband, that’s all.”

“Ah, yes . . . You’re a ninja, just like my son,” her brows furrowed. “It’s a dangerous job. My son died just six months ago fighting for Sunagakure.”

My heart dropped. “Oh,” I said, my hands finding my belt loops and thumbs hitching through them. “I’m . . . Sorry. It must be hard.”

“Yes, it is,” she said with a sad nod. “Hopefully none of the rest of my children go through that. They’re already on the way to becoming fighters. It’s a little-”

“Scary, I know,” I said, but then I forced another smile. “It’s . . . It’s worth it, though. At least, that’s what I think.”

She smiled. “I know. My son said the same thing, each time,” she looked behind her, where her family was waiting for their own food. A shout behind me alerted me to my own meal; I looked over my shoulder and saw the bowl of steamy ramen coming my way. When I looked back, she was picking up her daughter and waving me away. “You should get eating, if you have work to do. I’m sorry to bother you.”

“No, it’s fine,” I nodded. “Stay safe, ma’am.”

“We will,” she said, and she walked away.

As I sat down and began digging into my ramen, I thought about what the girl had said, and about how her mother had responded. How they’d thought I was  _ strong _ . But compared to my family, I knew the truth: I wasn’t. I was average, just a simple jonin where my family was mainly composed of S-rank ex-criminals. Before my age, my parents had been ANBU! I was exceptional only in my ocular abilities and my jutsu; that was it. If it wasn’t for those, I’d already be dead.

That’s what I thought, at least. So I dug in and slurped up the noodles, and when I left the village and got on my way again, I let the memory sink into the back of my mind, where I thought I’d never have to retrieve it again.


	16. Chapter 16

Three months after leaving Konoha, I approached a small town among one of the rare oasis, steepled among dry earth and lazy trees.

And in front of the gate, shouting with raised torches above their head, were insurgents.

“HEY!” I shouted and ran, and the group turned to me as I rushed at them. Hashi took flight off my arm; my hand went to my sword, and I drew it as I approached and slid its edge along one man’s stomach-

Shouts. I leapt back and readied Fire Style, arching back and forward to spew fire as I readied wind on my hands, making the inferno rise and spread. The men were caught, but they escaped; the blaze barely stopped before the gates to the village. Somebody shouted a lightning-style jutsu - I leapt back and activated my Sharingan as I saw lightning strike where I had stood, reducing the earth at its place to burn to sand and ash. Somebody rushed at me; my kodachi was ready, cutting into his flesh before he or his friends could stop me. I drew back and was surrounded, instantly; I forced my mind out as I spun and slashed, fighting for each piece of ground I could as I focused on defending the gate.

Villagers had seen me - they shouted as I fought. Their voices were distractions, and I couldn’t focus. I screamed as a blade sank into my right arm, tearing down through muscle. I collapsed and dropped my sword, barely dodging another blade as I rolled on the ground and readied handsigns, fighting off my own pain, realizing too slowly that I’d made a mess again, so outnumbered -

“LIGHTNING STY- WATER STYLE!”

Suddenly, the men were blown down by a wave, just as lightning struck. I heard shouts and finished my jutsu, flinging balls of fire from my fingertips as I lunged forward. When the elements settled, only one man was alive, getting up, and I stopped and started and scrambled for my kodachi feet away-

A man suddenly darted past, a blur in my vision, and I heard the sickening sound of steel against skin. One more shout - and it was done.

My lungs ached. My  _ arm _ ached, burning with the wound that cut into my flesh and muscle. I swore; I dropped the sling from my shoulder and ripped it open, searching for bandages, herbs - anything. My hands scrambled like mad.

Two feet appeared in my vision, and then: “You’re hurt. I was too slow.”

I yanked my vision up - and there he was, the shinobi who’d come to my rescue. With a mess of curly hair and tan skin and purple eyes, he stood above me and held out a hand, as if asking me to rise. Stupid mocking hand; I could barely even breathe, much less get up.

“Here,” he said, and then he was on his knees next to me, reaching into one of the pockets on his belt for bandages. I winced as he grabbed my arm and looked over the smooth wound, his actions making it bleed more. “It’s scored muscle,” he said. “That’ll take a few days to heal, at least.”

“Assuming somebody’s a freaking  _ medic _ here,” I said.

“You’re in luck; that’d be me. Resident medic and savior of lost little shinobi ladies,” his eyes dazzled, and he gave me a wink, but I could only roll my eyes.

What a  _ dweeb _ .

I realized then that I could hear the sound of cheering. I looked to the gate and saw several of the villagers cheering and shouting, evidently pleased by our quick save.  _ Lucky I was nearby _ , I thought, then:  _ lucky both of us were nearby _ . I felt warmth against my arm and realized he was healing me, his chakra warm, the same color of his eyes. Powerful, but not as powerful as I’d felt amongst my family. Although that being said, he’d used two jutsus, right after another, with different elements. I was one of the few people I knew of who could do that . . .

“Oh, Jade!” one of the older ladies from the crowd broke through, approached with a worried look. “Are you well? Your companion-”

“My companion’s more like a stranger, but she’ll be fine,” he laughed and looked up to me. I could see the muscle and skin stitch back together like magic, but it ached. A  _ lot _ . He kept talking anyways. “If this little lady hadn’t been around, we might’ve been in serious trouble, but looks like we were just lucky.”

“Oh, young lady!” the woman smiled down at me. “What’s your name, dearie?”

I swallowed; “K-Katya,” I stammered.

“Oh, you simply  _ must _ let us repay you! Jade, we must let her into the village, of course,” she said. “If you were to lend her a spot in your home, with that second lonely bed-”

He froze for a moment; and then his face took on a smile. “Of course,” he said, as if he hadn’t just hesitated. He looked back to me. “Jeeze, you sure are a sight for sore eyes. Looks like you haven’t rested in forever, anyways. Good thing you came here.”

. . . First he flirted with me, then told me I looked like a wreck.

Again. Such. A.  _ Dweeb _ .

I sighed, then tried on a small smile that I hoped looked more real than it felt. I was goddamned  _ tired _ ; I didn’t want a fuss. Although from the looks of it, that wasn’t an option. “Thank you for your generosity,” I said. “I’ll gladly take your offer.”

“Oh, excellent!” the lady went, and then I felt the warmth fade from my arm, and I looked down and saw nothing but a tight, pink line. It was still sore when I bent my arm, but nothing I couldn’t grit my teeth at. “Come, Jade, help lead her inside! We’ll take good care of you, we promise!”

“Upsi-daisies,” he said as he pulled me up, leading me towards the gate. I almost wanted to choke out a thank you - at least, until I realized that my sling wasn’t over my shoulder. It took me a moment to realize that the strange man - Jade, was it? - had it, but it only took half of one to turn around, still anxious about losing my things-

And there was a man kneeling beside one of the corpses.

I stopped in my tracks, forgot everything, even Jade. Somehow, seeing the guy before me - whoever he was - made me uneasy. And I don’t mean in a  _ oooh, look how handsome he is _ kind of way either. I mean that suddenly, something trickled in my mind, like a cold crawl of ice over a hot coal.

The man - he couldn’t have been much older than I was. He had dark hair, closer to black than brown, and his skin tone - it reminded me of the family I’d seen before, with the pale mother, dark father, and mixed children. He was kneeling by the side of a corpse and wore a long pair of trousers, matched by a short shirt that looked like it’d been ripped off around the midsection.

And just above his navel, there was a small symbol, one I couldn’t well see.

I must’ve gasped, must’ve done something, because the guy looked up from his analysis of the corpse and right at me. His eyes widened - they held dark brown irises, flicked with gold around the pupil. That I saw them so clearly was strange, at least until I realized why - my Sharingan was flickering on and off, my pain and sense of unease putting me in a position between relaxing and raising my hackles. But the guy didn’t seem like a threat, didn’t . . .  _ Feel _ like one. He felt more like a stranger, and the more I looked over him, the more I became certain that he was more than that. He wasn’t just a stranger - he was another shinobi.

I’d wondered, earlier, that I’d met another person who could use two different jutsus so quickly after one another.

But when I thought back, then, I realized I’d been wrong. There had been two other voices. And this newcomer - he must’ve been the owner of the second voice.

I realized, then, that the woman had put a hand on my shoulder, speaking into my ear. Asking me what was wrong.

“I-” I looked to her and saw worry in her eyes, and I felt her hand on my shoulder like the other man’s - Jade’s - on my arm. I cleared my throat. “Who’s- who’s he?”

“The one helping you? That’s Jade, dearie; Jade Kinland.”

“No, that’s not, I mean  _ him _ .”

“Who?”

“ _ Him _ ,” I pulled my arm free from Jade’s grasp and heard him turn as I pointed to the stranger. “Who is he?”

“Who?” the lady leaned forward, around and past the man. I felt my frustration mounting.

“Him, right there!” I stepped forward, pointing directly  _ at _ the guy, and I could see his eyes narrowing me. Analyzing me. It was making me angrier, to feel so watched and have nobody notice. I turned back to the lady. “See him, he’s right-”

She wasn’t looking at him. She was staring at  _ me _ . Like I’d gone bonkers.

“I . . .” I stopped, bit my lip. My eyes darted to Jade - he was staring at me strangely, almost like he was suspicious, or otherwise curious. Did he think I was crazy, too? I couldn’t be wrong, right? I looked back to the stranger, wondering if he was gone, but he was still there, still staring at me.

Still watching, still looking as uneased as I felt.

“Dearie, are you  _ sure _ you’re okay?”

The old lady again. I looked back to her . . . And finally decided I had to let it go. I sighed. “Must’ve . . . Must’ve been my imagination.”

She gave me a kind look. “After a fight like that, you must be tired. Come along, dearie, we’ll sort your aches and give you a place to sleep, alright?”

I nodded and followed after her, and Jade put a hand on my shoulder to kindly usher me along.

But I couldn’t help but steal one more backwards glance at the man, who’d begun to tear open the packs of the dead ninjas, as if he was a vulture readying to pick their bones clean.

 

***

 

“We’ve never seen you around these parts before, ma’am. You’re not from Suna, are you?”

I winced as he pressed a sponge to my arm with a little too much force; it made my arm ache. We’d gone into a building further into town, one I assumed was his home; I’d been seated on a worn couch across from the older lady, and Jade took to caring for my wound, or at least for the blood that had dried around it. My head ached from before, especially from the fight (which had done more than winded me); I had to think out his question carefully before I answered. “I’m a traveler. I come from the Land of Fields.”

He gave a low whistle. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Katya. Just- Katya.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, Katya,” the lady said across from me. Her eyes were kind enough, but after what had transpired with the man from before, she seemed . . . Edgy. Like she thought she was rooming with a crazy person. “What brought you to our little town, then?”

I gave another wince as Jade pressed against the healed tear in my arm, trying not to send him a glare. “Um- I’m on my way to the Land of Grass and decided to stop by the oasis southeast of here. Then I noticed the bandits.”

“So you came to my aid before I was even there,” Jade said with a smile in his voice. “I’m the resident shinobi here, after all. Not bad,” he added with a wink.

I pouted. “I didn’t come to  _ your _ aid; I just wanted to stop them from getting into the town. I’ve faced some of them before, anyways. Um, which reminds me-” I cleared my throat. “Thanks. I was in a bind there before you came.”

“Not a problem,” he said with a wink. “Not at all.”

“That’s our Jade,” the old lady smiled with crinkles at the corner of her eyes. “He’s so strong with his lightning and water. Did you know he just discovered his power for  _ suiton _ only a few months ago?”

I doubted that. I nodded anyways.

“Such a good boy,” she said happily. “Such a good boy.”

“And as the good boy, I should ask you to go on home,” he said, pulling away from me long enough to focus on the elder. “This is going to take a while, but trust me; as the town’s medic, I’ll take care of her.”

“Oh, I trust you will,” she said as she stood. Then she looked back to me; “Let me know if you need anything, alright?”

I nodded. “Of course.”

The lady nodded and toddled out, looking like she needed a cane or at least some kind of support should she fall. But despite that (and despite him being a medic, which I thought was supposed to include being  _ helpful _ ), Jade got up after she left and shut the door behind her, leaning his back to it with a sigh. “Ladies,” he muttered.

I sat up a little more, angry. “Hey! I’m a lady too, y’know!”

“Oh, that’s not what I meant. I mean ladies like  _ her _ . She’s nice, but too nice. Too nosy, too,” he crossed his arms and looked at me, as if he was trying to puzzle me out. “So, then - Katya, was it? Nice to meet you and all, but you’re probably pretty exhausted. You should rest, y’know.”

I wanted to tell him no - besides, I wasn’t sure I felt  _ that _ safe with him - but I could tell that I was getting tired  _ anyways _ . Stupid, intelligent dweeb. “I probably should,” I muttered, wanting to lie down.

“Go ahead and curl up,” he said as he pushed himself off the door and walked to over, leaning down and picking up something from the floor I hadn’t noticed before, which turned out to be a blanket. He tossed it on my lap and walked out the other way, into an area I assumed was his kitchen or something. “I’ll brew up some tea,” he shouted back. “Relax, okay?”

Against all of my instincts, I listened and put my head down on the armrest, shutting my eyes. I fell asleep in instants, the only people around himself and I.

But when I woke up, mere hours later, we weren’t alone. And I could hear the stranger’s voice echoing in the room.


	17. Chapter 17

I woke up from sleep slowly; my head was groggy, and the pain in my arm stabbed in my head. I resisted a groan; I went to move, to sit up, but-

“Dammit, Jade, I’m not telling her.”

I froze. A stranger’s voice- I didn’t move. My eyes were still shut, but I could hear him stomping around just feet away, followed by Jade’s sure footsteps.

“Dude, she saw you. Don’t you realize what a breakthrough that is?” Jade’s voice rang out, solemn and serious, so unlike before. “This could be a chance. I don’t know what it is, but-”

“People have seen me before, Jade,” the stranger said. “Why is she so different?”

“Because at first, she  _ didn’t _ see you. You were feet away, and she didn’t notice you. And then-”

“What’s the deal, then? So what if she can see me? It doesn’t change anything.”

“You’re missing the point, Harper.”

Harper - so that was the stranger’s name. And that wasn’t all; when I opened my eyes, just a little bit, I could see the stranger for who he was - the man I’d seen earlier.

Apparently, seeing him was a big deal.

He looked tired - he was sitting in one of the armchairs with his face in his hands, shoulder slouched and posture poor. He hadn’t even changed out of his torn black clothes. They were like rags on a skeleton, although luckily, he did seem to have some muscle, some . . . Form. I couldn’t see anything more; my position on the couch, and pretending to be asleep, no less, wasn’t a big help.

“Look, Harper,” Jade said, and I realized he’d been standing across the room anyways, leaning against the doorframe to the kitchen. “If this girl couldn’t see you, and then  _ could _ , she could be the solution to your problems. All of this-”

“How do you know this, anyways?” the man - Harper - asked with a sigh. “It could be a fluke.”

“I think she has some kind of skill. I saw it in her eyes - they were red, flickering, when she looked at you. Maybe she was able to dispel the genjutsu around you.”

Wait, genjutsu? This Harper guy had been using genjutsu on me? And if that was so . . .

Hold on a moment, but why did that matter so much anyways?! Was I in danger?!

“We should wake her,” Jade suddenly said. I heard him approach and shut my eyes.

“No,” Harper said, and I heard Jade pause. “It doesn’t matter, Jade. Just- just give it up. I’m used to it.”

A pause. “You’re used to being dead to the world?”

I tensed involuntarily, mind reeling. Then:

“Yeah. As sad as that is, I am.”

Nothing was making sense. My mind was running a thousand miles and hour, and my head was spinning, and I could feel the pain in my arm like a sickening stab to my senses. I had to resist a groan, or else try, but I guess I must’ve done a crappy job at that; next thing I knew, Jade was saying, “If you really don’t want to see her, you should go. I’ll try to keep her out of your bedroom, alright?”

“She’s injured, though. She needs the bed, not your crappy couch.”

A stifled snicker. “Yes, well,” Jade said, “I’ll offer my bed. Maybe I can convince her that sleeping without her clothes would be better, too.”

“Nasty pervert.”

_ WHAT A FUCKING DWEEB! _

I heard Jade laugh even as I internally cussed him out. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding! She’s cute, but she’d probably flay me alive. Now get out of here; I’m waking her regardless of your opinion.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I heard somebody get up and move. “Just don’t let her find out anything okay?”

“Of course,” Jade said, and I heard footsteps following away, and then a slammed door.

. . . What had they been talking about? Playing dead, flukes, genjutsu? I’d never heard of any of it; I knew so little about genjutsu anyway, the knowledge I had coming from my academy education and my father’s lectures. After all, I’d taken after my mother in that regard; I had no skills in genjutsu, at all. I supposed that was a relief to her, in some strange way - after all, she’d suffered often under the guise of illusions. Yet . . .

I felt a hand on my shoulder. “Hey, wake up, ma’am.”

I tried to pretend to wake up slowly, like I was coming up from a long sleep. I allowed my eyes to flicker open just barely, like I was fighting tiredness; I groaned, and for added effect, I nuzzled into the hand on my shoulder. “Mmph,” I ‘forced’ my eyes open wider and looked up at him. “S-Sir Jade?”

He smirked. “Sorry to wake you up,” he said, “But it’s actually getting late, and you should sleep in a real bed. I could hear you whimpering in your sleep, and this couch isn’t a friendly place to sleep.”

“Oh . . .” I faked - okay, so maybe not  _ faked _ \- a yawn while sitting up. “I-In your extra bed?” I asked.

He gave me a look - maybe one that said “I know what you’re up to” - but he laughed. “I have a bunch of shit lying on that extra bed,” he excused, “So I’ll lend you mine. I’d offer you some body heat too, but-”

“I’ll be . . . Fine,” I said, resisting the urge to punch him. “Can you lead the way?”

“Of course,” he leaned down and took my arm so he could strap it along his shoulders, and he helped me up and walked me through the kitchen, down a hallway past a closed door I assumed was the other bedroom. He led me into his; clean, and super dark. It must’ve been the middle of the night. I couldn’t care, even as I collapsed on the bed in a huff.

His voice sounded amused. “Need anything?”

“Nn,” I toned. I guess that sounded noncommittal enough.

“Well, sleep well. Let me know if you need anything; I’ll be on the couch,” he said, and then I heard his footsteps walking away, and I heard the door to the room shut.

But I just sat up, and I couldn’t sleep for the rest of the night, genjutsu and secrets roiling through my mind.

 

***

 

“Your injury sure did give me the chance to come out here and get medicines, but aren’t you sure you don’t want to stay inside and rest?”

I rubbed at my eyes; the marketplace was crowded and busy, far too loud for my tastes, but I kept to Jade’s side. “I need to get some things myself,” I said, “And I should go look for my falcon.”

“Falcon, eh? I do recall you having one of those,” he said with a laugh. “Well, we’ll find him. Her?”

“Him,” I corrected.

“Yes, then, we’ll find him. I’ll accompany you into the woods later so we can figure out where he went.”

I suppressed yet another yawn. My arm was sore, terribly; it felt like the skin was puckered and pinched and held together with pins; the skin was puffy and pink, barely healed and, according to Jade, needing salve. But more than needing that, I also needed more food and herbs, as well as an apothecary to make me some more of my regular medication for my asthma. I’d run out of pills that morning, and while my mind was on the thought, I remembered to ask Jade if the apothecary was where we were headed first.

“Probably,” he said. “I’m a good medical shinobi, but I’m not skilled with my own medicines quite yet. What do you need the apothecary for, anyways?” he asked. “Does this have to do with whatever you were taking this morning?”

“Yes,” I said, and as if I felt the need to clarify, “I have asthma. I was diagnosed three months ago.”

“Back in April?” he asked. He was right; we’d entered July. The fact of that surprised me, as well as the fact that I’d been away from home for half a year already.  _ A quarter of the trip through . . . _

I shook my nostalgia off of me and nodded. “Yes. I was in Konohagakure and met with a bit of an accident.”

“I see. Ahh, asthma,” he sighed dramatically. “I’ve had many a patient coming for me for  _ that _ little sickness.”

“You know what it is?”

“Yeah, of course. It’s not at all unusual here in the Land of Wind, although then again, the sand does a good job of aggravating such symptoms. We’re here, by the way,” He said, pointing out a brick building as we walked up to it. The sign in the window read “OPEN” - I was almost surprised that we’d walked up to it, I in plain sight, and it hadn’t been flipped to “CLOSED” just to spite me.

I shook myself as we walked in, trying to beat off bad memories of home.

The apothecary was beautiful inside - while the exterior had been of a red brick, the inside was wood-paneled and rustic-looking, like many of the inns I’d stayed at from home to Konoha. It smelled of oak and herbs, and speaking of herbs, the walls were lined with bins of herbs and brown papers to wrap medicines in.

I was in awe. During the time where I’d been staunchly opposed to fighting, I’d learned about the herbs and medicines that could help those in need, discovering the differences between leaves that could heal and those that could kill. Here, even, I could look at the plants and not the labels, and I knew immediately what each plant was for and in what dosage and just how rare - how  _ rare _ \- they must’ve been to the area. And they smelled so fresh, too - I leaned down and breathed in some of their scents, and they made my head spin. I stepped back and smiled, and then I grabbed a few sheets of brown paper and began to wrap some of what I needed.

They weren’t all happy memories, though. I knelt down to pull out a bin of herbs closer to the floor, and on accident, I took a big breath of the scent. I gasped; everything around me felt like it’d disappeared, my mind sending me back-

_ Watching from the porch, holding onto my father’s leg and Madara’s hand as I watched and waited for my mom. I strained my eyes trying to watch for her figure in the distant trees, the strain making my vision hurt. I was still covered in blood, the scent of iron and of my mother cloaked around me tightly. The scent of it made me feel sick. _

_ When I saw her, though, I gasped and let go of my father and Madara to toddle forward, tripping down the steps and grabbing onto the guide rail as I watched my mom stumble out of the trees hundreds of feet away, her form hunched more than usual, but still hers.  _ Hers _. _

_ I smiled, feeling tears run down my face. Even when she paused, my smile barely wavered; I was just happy to see her alive. _

_ My smile fell as, out of nowhere, she felt to her knees and hands, and then altogether. _

_ And then I was running. _

_ “NATASHA!” _

_ That one word rang, and then I was being picked up and carried, and I could smell my father’s scent and see Madara’s back, his rough black hair tangled beyond repair from worry and anxiety, and I knew why - I knew too badly why. But my father was fast, and Madara was faster, so when we got to my mom’s form, Madara had rolled her over and collected red chakra in his hands and pressing them to her chest, healing one of the deep marks that’d been scored across her collar- _

_ My mom was soaked in so much blood. I clung to my father and stared, eyes watering, lower lip trembling. _

_ And when she was as healed as Madara could make her, we carried her to the house and put her to bed, and my father brewed me a cup of tea to help me calm down. _

_ Most of it was spilled from my shaking hands. _

“Katya?”

I was shaken out of my memories by a hand on my shoulder, and when I looked up, Jade was staring at me with worried, purple eyes. I swallowed -  _ how long had I been distracted? _ \- but I shook my head and told him I was fine. “Fine?” he asked, with a raised brow, but I gave him a glare, and that shut him down. I guess I must’ve looked spooked.

After all, that was how I’d felt.

 

***

 

We took our herbs and medicines up to the front counter, where the kind lady - about my age, with her gorgeous red hair tied up in a high bun - mixed up my medicine and calculated the price for our goods.

“I can pay for this,” I said to Jade. “After all, you’ve been so kind to me.”

“I’m not complaining,” he said with a grin, and I pulled out my wallet, counting out yen as I suffered under the gaze of the beautiful saleslady.

Even though I felt like her gaze was too close to my form, she seemed to speak more to Jade than me. “A patient of yours?” she asked.

“Yeah - she was helping with the insurgents from before,” he said.

“Ooh, those Akatsuki men,” she frowned, the red corners of her lips arching down in a way I couldn’t tear my eyes away from. “Do you remember what they did just six months ago, not many miles from here? My mom cries every night for that. Such a terrible loss.”

“Yes,” Jade nodded. “A terrible loss of life.”

My throat felt thick as I watched the saleslady. I handed her my yen and tried to find a way to ease my nerves.  _ Just because she’s prettier than me _ , I tried to think,  _ that’s all _ . “What- what happened a few months ago?” I tried to ask. “I’m not from these parts, so . . .”

“Oh, well . . .” The lady frowned even more, and I saw her eyes water - her brilliant  _ blue _ eyes water, that is. “A few months ago, a big band of insurgents were passing through on their way to - where was it? - the Land of Rain, I think, somewhere north. A group of men from Suna went to stop them, though, including our own Jade,” she nodded to him. “But unfortunately . . . Well, one of the men died. It was so entirely unpredictable, so sad. He was even a jonin; he’d become one only weeks prior. Jade couldn’t get there in time to save him; the rest of his team had left by then.”

I bit my lower lip. “That’s terrible . . .”

“Yes,” Jade nodded, sighed. Then, though, he looked to the saleslady once more. “Your mom was the one to identify the corpse, wasn’t she?” he asked, voice weighed by apparent sadness. “Do we know his name?”

“Oh, yes,” the lady nodded, looked down in thought. “Mama was also so good with cadavers, strangely enough. I think she said his name was - yes - Harper, I think?”

I froze.

. . . Seriously, I thought my insides were going to freeze over. Frost around my heart, and especially around my lungs.

I couldn’t move; my eyes were wide open, and I dropped them fast to the counter. I could feel their eyes on me; the saleslady’s, concerned and worried. Jade’s, serious - as if he expected something, as if he was reading me.

And why shouldn’t he have been?

After all, we were talking about the man from before, the one who seemed convinced that I’d seen through some kind of his genjutsu.

I took a deep breath, and I let it out. Then, as naturally as I could, I said, “I’m . . . So sorry.”

The saleslady nodded, tears in her eyes.

But even as we left with our purchases, I could feel Jade’s eyes on the back of my neck.


	18. Chapter 18

Jade followed me out of the village back to where the fight had taken place, just outside of the gates. The corpses were gone, probably disposed of in the middle of the night; I could still see bloodstains on the ground. It was a haunting reminder of what had happened before, but I couldn’t stare at it forever. So I raised my eyes to the treetops and whistled, twice, sharply.

I felt Jade approach, stopping at my side. “Can you sense your bird at all?”

I shook my head. “Not right now,” I said. “I don’t have much in terms of sensory skills, at least not right now.”

“You’re in luck then, because I do,” Jade said, hands on his hips as he looked up at the treetops with me. “What kind of falcon was it?”

“Red-brown,” I said. “I call him Hashi.”

“After the first Hokage, Hashirama?”

“Yes, actually.”

“Good.”

I couldn’t see or hear anything - at least, not anything that sounded like Hashi. I shouldn’t have been surprised - the rare times I’d been attacked while traveling, Hashi flew away and out of danger, the humans far too big for him to hunt like he did the smaller animals. After all, while he  _ was _ growing, he still wasn’t quite big enough to aid me, besides hunting and getting food. Even so, I knew he couldn’t be far; he always waited close by. I gave another whistle and, upon getting no response, bit my lower lip.

Then, from nowhere: “You’re a terrible actress, Miss Katya.”

I stopped. I held my breath, and then I let it out in a slow breath. I tried to act natural, licking my lower lip and looking to him as casually as I could. “What do you mean?” I asked.

“Cut the bullshit,” he looked back to me, a small scowl on his face. “You heard everything last night, didn’t you? You heard Harper and I.”

“Harper?” I raised a brow. “Who’s he?”

“Again, knock it off. You’re fidgeting with your shirt hem; it’s an obvious tell. Now drop the act.”

. . . Oh.

I hadn’t realized that would give me away. Truth be told, I’d even dug in my nails so hard I made tiny, crescent-shaped tears in the fabric.

Finally, though, I had to relent. I sighed and dropped my shoulders and face. “I’m sorry,” I muttered.

His voice seemed to perk up. “Aah, there’s the honesty I was looking for.”

I sighed. Something was tickling at the edge of my consciousness; Hashi’s chakra. I lifted my face to the sky and gave two more sharp whistles, and though I could feel him coming closer, I could also tell he was staying away - on  _ purpose _ . I looked to Jade and saw his eyes distracted, half-glazed. I had a feeling I knew why.

I frowned. “Stop scaring away my bird,” I hissed.

He looked to me. “Who said I was doing anything?” he asked. Then, when I opened my mouth to speak, he said, “If he was staying away, it’d be because he can tell you’re tense.”

Was that so? I wasn’t sure. I crossed my arms under my bust and waited for him to speak, but he seemed content with looking at the forest canopy, half-lost in thought. I huffed and looked away, back to the bloodied ground. I began to wonder when somebody was going to take care of it.

Suddenly, Jade spoke again. “When I first saw Harper, it was because I was waiting in the trees, watching his companions talk about how he was dead.”

I looked back to him, surprised. “You told the lady back at the apothecary that you’d been too late.”

“Too late to stop what happened,” he said, facing me at last. “I could see them discussing their comrade’s death, but I could also see Harper stepping around them, waving his hand in front of their faces, trying to make them pay attention. Seemed like a cruel joke to me, or it would’ve if there hadn’t been cadavers nearby. But yeah, his comrades just walked right past him, and I could tell by how casual they did it; it was no joke. They really had no idea he was there.”

“But that’s impossible.”

“Not really. When I got down there and introduced myself, I asked if I could examine him quickly, convinced that something was wrong. He was wearing the same clothes he was last night, torn above his navel. And there was a symbol tattooed into his skin, too, one he said hadn’t been there before. An empty yin-yang symbol.”

I cocked my head to one side. “How?”

“Genjutsu. He said somebody had hit him there while they were fighting, and right after, he fell unconscious. The other guys must’ve thought that blast killed him,” Jade brought a hand to his chin and stroked his five o’clock shadow. “Anyways, once I was assured he was just sore, I offered to take care of him back at the village, but when we returned, almost nobody could see him; just me and a few other people. I sent the apothecary’s owner - the woman from before’s mother - to check on the bodies before, and she convinced me that there was only one person she could recognize, and that was Harper, long dead. Harper was right next to me when she told me that; he turned pale as the ghost people supposed him to be.”

I swallowed. “That’s terrible . . .”

“Yeah, and worse is that he’s almost entirely given up on people ever seeing him again,” Jade said. “So few people notice him, and it’s been months without a new face to come up and say something. But you,” he shrugged. “As you must’ve heard,  _ you _ picked him out where others hadn’t.”

I supposed that deserved an answer. “I have a skill called the Sharingan. It allows me to see past genjutsu, and I was in enough pain that it was flickering after the battle. I guess I saw him then.”

His brows rose in surprise. “Sharingan, eh . . .? Then you’d be-”

Oh. Oh, shit. I guess that sort of gave it away. I groaned and put a hand to my face. “Yeah . . . One of my last names is Uchiha.”

“ _ Damn _ ,” he gave a low whistle and shook his head. “I should’ve known. You look enough like an Uchiha-”

“Please, don’t,” I said dejectedly. “I’m really tired of people knowing about that.”

He nodded. “Well, okay, I guess. I mean, I’m honored, but-”

“ _ Don’t _ .”

“Okay, okay!” he raised his hands in defeat. “Anyways, I just thought you’d want to know what the real story was. As you overheard, Harper really doesn’t want to talk about it, but I thought it only fair that you know. Just don’t tell him that I told you, okay? And, well,” he shrugged. “Try to ignore him, maybe. Give him space.”

“He already knows I can see him, though,” I pointed out.

“Yes, well,” he started, “There’s nothing more to be done about that.”

Suddenly, I saw his eyes focus, as if he’d been distant before and was slowly coming back. Something at the edge of my perception shifted; I heard a bird call and turned to the sky, and from the trees came flying Hashi, coming down and slowing his descent as I held out my arm. He landed on my fingers gratefully, it seemed, and I smiled and raised my fingers to pet his head.

Something reminded me; I looked back to Jade and bit my lower lip. “I thought you said you weren’t doing anything?” I asked.

At that, he suddenly looked sheepish. In a moment, I realized what it was and covered my face with my free hand, embarrassment mounting in my cheeks.

“Hey, I thought you’d know already,” he said defensively, followed by a laugh. “Come on, then. I’ll lead you to the town’s aviary.”

 

***

 

He’d suggested after we left the aviary that he had a few more things to take care of, and at his insistence, I allowed him to lead me back to his abode. He let me in and then left, so I shut the door behind me with a sigh and locked it behind me, running my fingers through my hair.

I was exhausted; the story told, and now my secret to keep, I had to figure out how I was going to react the next time I faced - if I ever did - Harper. The idea was wearisome enough on its own, never minding that I still knew almost nothing about him. I knew he seemed stubborn enough, if the previous night’s conversation had shown anything, but that didn’t tell me very much at all.

I felt at my hip for my kodachi and remembered as I felt the empty spot where its hilt should’ve hung; I’d left it in Jade’s room, hesitant to take it out into the village. Feeling dumb and more gullible than before, I quickly walked into the hallway that led to Jade’s room and stepped inside, grabbing my kodachi from its place beside the bed where I’d put it the night before.

When I turned around, he was  _ right there. _

Admittedly, I nearly jumped from my skin, and I dropped my kodachi not just on the floor, but on my bare  _ toes _ . “Ow!” I cursed as it rolled of my foot and onto the floor, and I knelt down and grabbed my foot in pain.

I heard footsteps come closer to me. “Are you okay?”

“Ow- no, not really, I’m an idiot and a blind fool, but you know, that’s typical,” I winced out as I sat down and looked at the toes, already beginning to turn purple. “Owww . . .”

“Hold on a sec,” I looked up, but he was already grabbing my foot, tilting my foot towards himself so he could look at the bruising toes. “Damn, that must’ve been a heavy sword,” he muttered.

“Hey!” I tried pulling my foot away. “That tickles, you!”

“And you’re way too loud for this time of day,” he said, and I realized that I must’ve woken him when I came in; he still had tired bags under his eyes. “Now  _ hold still _ .”

I huffed and crossed my arms, annoyed and, to be honest, a little furious that he’d  _ grabbed my foot _ without so much as a warning. My feet were sensitive enough already with all of the walking and running I did; I didn’t need somebody fondling them after I dropped my sword in  _ shock _ . If anybody else had been there, I was certain they’d be laughing.

But as he looked them over, my anger began to drop, replaced by . . . Curiosity. Why was he even  _ here _ ? From what I’d overheard, he hadn’t even wanted to see me, never mind  _ talk _ to me. And he was still wearing the same shirt from yesterday, torn at the navel, as if he hadn’t even been bothered to  _ change _ . It was only when I looked closer, leaning up while he was distracted, that I realized that it wasn’t the same shirt - it was new, just ripped in a similar way.

And it was that distraction that led me to looking at the mark on his abdominals.

Jade was right - it did look like the yin yang, a circle split into teardrops. But the tomoe inside were gone, and there was no inking of black or white on the inside. More like a squiggly-split circle, if I was really being honest. But other than that, it didn’t seem too suspicous.

. . . Or was it? Something seemed off. I let the chakra rush to my eyes and my Sharingan activate just so I could take a better look-

And then my toe gave a throb of  _ pain _ as Harper gripped it tightly between his finger and thumb.

“OW!” I shouted and lost all of my concentration, the technique slipping from my eyes as I gave Harper a strong glare. “What the hell was that for?!”

“Your toe’s broken,” he said, still gripping the second toe from center on my right foot. “It’s not deformed, but we’ll need to get Jade to look at it.”

“Jeeze, Harper!” I cut back, hands tightening into fists. “Don’t you have any human sense of  _ decency _ ? When a person’s already in pain-!”

He’d stopped to stare at me, his face getting paler. And then I realized why.

. . . I’d said his name, when I shouldn’t have known it. And if we were being honest, I hadn’t even been shocked at him being there, even though I should’ve been surprised.

. . . So much for the whole “let’s act natural” plan.

Harper blinked just a few times, mouth slowly tightening into a line. I, of course, felt like an idiot; I opened my mouth to say something-

“Don’t. I can only assume that Jade’s told you.”

I clamped my mouth shut again. I just nodded.

“Dammit,” he sighed, rolled his eyes. “He’s such an idiot sometimes. When I say I want nothing to explain, he goes ahead and spills everything anyway,” he dropped his eyes back to my toes, as if he was considering something. And then he spoke again.

“Get on the bed. I’ll get an icepack for your toes, and then we can talk, got it?”


	19. Chapter 19

My toe really did hurt - it was the second toe on my right foot, next to my big one. I ended up sitting on the edge of the bed and, when Harper came back, let him wrap the two together.

“So it heals normally,” he said. “Jade can look at it later, of course, but I figured this would be best.”

“I appreciate it,” I said as he tied the knot, “But can you find a way to numb it, too?”

“Got it,” he said as he held up an ice pack, pressing it to my foot. “So, then,” he said, “How much do you know?”

He was starting on that already? I mean, he had a right to, but it took my off-guard; the pain in my foot was a little distracting, anyway. “Um- I heard the two of you last night,” I said. “And Jade told me what happened before, about the mission.”

“About how I’m dead to most of the world.”

That was a harsh way of putting it. Still, I nodded.

“Well, yeah, that’s about it. Not much to explain besides that,” he said, frowning. “Although the mystery to  _ me _ is how you managed to go from ignorant to . . . Well, seeing me.”

“An ocular ability,” I said. I really, really didn’t want my last name to slip out again.

“Ocular, huh?” he asked. “Is that what you were trying to use when I nudged your toe?”

Wait a second, he had done that on purpose?! “Hey!” I gripped the sheet in my hands, just so I could resist strangling him. “You broke my toe just to stop me?!”

“No,” he said, as if it was obvious, and he looked at me with a raised brow. “I was investigating and notice you were staring at my stomach. So I stopped you.”

“How rude!” I snarled. “I suppose living with a medic teaches you all kind of fun tricks like that, huh?”

“Hey, and I guess wherever  _ you’re _ from teaches to stare at guys with no embarrassment whatsoever!”

“It was curiosity! And I’m from the Land of Fields!” I said, and I finally crossed my arms in a huff. “Look, I was just  _ curious _ . Besides, after what Jade told me-”

“What he  _ blabbed _ about.”

“-hey, I’m not picky! Anyways, after what he told me, I couldn’t help it! Besides, I wanted to know if there was something about it, like any kind of chakra that could be dispelled!”

“Well, there  _ is _ chakra, but it  _ can’t _ be dispelled,” he rolled his eyes. “Jade tried, anyway.”

“And I’m not Jade! Who, by the way, is a dweeb  _ anyway _ ! If he wasn’t a medic, I wouldn’t give him a sideways glance!”

Suddenly, he was resisting a smirk, and I realized that I’d begun to smile a little bit, too. When had  _ that _ happened? Harper tried to cover his grin and asked, “A dweeb? Really?”

“Hey, he  _ flirted _ with me. I mean, no offense, but it’s a little creepy,” I said, and he finally laughed outright, and I couldn’t resist a chuckle myself. When the hell had we gone from arguing to laughing with each other? Weird. As soon as I thought it, he shook off his sudden fit of good-natured-ness and looked back to my toes.

“. . . Still,” he said, serious again. “I doubt you could see much more than Jade could.”

“Jade’s a sensory shinobi, right?” I asked softly. “Is that how he investigated it?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, then looked up at me. “I doubt you can-”

“My ocular jutsu isn’t sensory,” I said. “It’s primarly meant for genjutsu.”

His eyes widened, just a fraction. “Really?” he asked, a twinge of suspicion coloring his voice. How many times was I going to have to explain myself?

I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. “Yeah, my jutsu is  _ Sharingan _ ,” I said, “And yes, I’m an Uchiha. Now, can I help or  _ not _ ?”

He frowned, and I expected then a firm refusal. After all, he hadn’t yielded yet at all; besides our giggle fit, he’d barely even cracked a grin.  _ Doesn’t have much reason to _ , I thought sadly,  _ especially with the whole “he’s not dead” confusion _ . I began to wonder if there was a way I could force him to let me see - which, of course, would be a violation of his privacy, but at least I wanted to  _ help _ .

Then he surprised me by grabbing my hand, pressing it to the ice pack on my foot, and pulling away to stand. “Go ahead,” he said suddenly. “Look all you want.”

The ice pack had slipped; I pulled my foot closer to my body and gripped it tightly, and I looked him over. He’d held out his arms; I could see his whole frame, up and down, without him hiding anything. His shirt had even risen, allowing me to more clearly see the symbol on his stomach.

Slowly, as if I was worried he’d try to fight back, I activated my Sharingan.

I’d never looked at a person so closely with my Sharingan; I’d always been fighting people, and the only signatures I was really familiar with were my mom’s (green chakra, surrounding her like a blazing storm), my father’s (blue, and well-contained), and Madara’s (firey red, cloaking him like a second skin). It was my first opportunity to really look at somebody with my kekkei genkai, so I looked as much as I could.

Harper’s chakra was purple - deep purple, like Jade’s eyes. It wound around his skin like a poofy jacket, but smoothly, like thickly-twined rope. It flowed like water - I took a guess at him being able to use Suiton, like I’d heard during the battle at the gate. There wasn’t a lot of it - about as much as the average ninja’s - but it was thick and strong. Only by squinting could I tell that it was old, unused; he hadn’t fought in a while.

But when I looked down at his stomach, I noticed a change. It wasn’t much, but around his stomach, surrounding the symbol, the chakra . . . Changed. His purple chakra changed and bled into a different kind, orange-looking and incredibly thick, thick enough that it almost obstructed the symbol and the surrounding skin. It was strange; I found myself putting down the ice pack on the bed and getting up, despite the pain in my toe, and squatting down so my face was level with it.

I saw his body shifting before I knew he did. “What do you see?” he asked.

“It’s . . . Weird,” I said. “It’s not your chakra, but it’s so heavily twined with yours it’s like there’s no separation. But it’s a different color and consistency; it’s a lot thicker, and all centered at that symbol.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” I squinted, even brought up a hand to hover nearby it. “Do you mind if I try reaching into it?”

He shifted again, from foot to foot, as if he was nervous. “I guess,” he said, before adding, “Off-topic, but I really hope Jade doesn’t get back for a while.”

“Why?”

“You’re a teenage girl staring intensely near my navel. Think of the dirty implications he could come up with.”

. . . That comment alone made me feel a little sick. “ _ Please _ don’t bring that up again.”

“Sorry,” he said, raising his hands in surrender. “Sorry, sorry. Promise I won’t do that again.”

I rolled my eyes, but I focused well enough on his body - no, the  _ symbol _ and the  _ chakra _ \- again. The closer I looked, the more dense it appeared; that was weird enough on its own. My father had always told me that chakra was fluid, like a spiritual liquid that surrounded people. For it to be so centralized, and without any of Harper’s apparent control,  _ and _ bordered between complete separation and complete joining with the rest of his being . . .

Well, it was definitely weird. I finally reached out a few fingers and put them into the chakra I could see, down to my first knuckles, allowing my chakra to flow just a little bit through the tips of my fingers.

I was burned and shocked all at once.

“SON OF A BITCH!” I pulled back and fell on my ass, Sharingan off, shaking my whole arm as I tried to make the sensation go away from where it’d stuck up my whole arm and stinging in my old wound. “Fuck, fuck, FUCK!”

“What happened?!” Harper knelt, looking at me intensely. “What the hell-”

“I tr-tried probing the chakra at your stomach, and it went completely haywire!” I grabbed at my wrist, my forearm, but it  _ hurt _ . It hurt so badly that it dragged tears to my eyes, and I felt my body heave with a soundless sob of pain. “What the hell- what on  _ earth _ happened to you?!”

“I thought Jade told you!” he said, eyes alight with panic. “I was hit in the stomach by a guy-”

“But with what jutsu?!” I asked as I looked back to him. “That’s not regular genjutsu, man! That’s intensive shit!”

“Well, I should expect!” he replied hastily. “It’s making everybody think I’m  _ dead _ !”

“Well, no wonder - it’s super, super strong!” I pulled my arm close to my body and rocked back and forth, trying to push out the pain. “Oww . . .”

“What do you need?” he asked. “Should I go get Jade?”

“Y-yeah!” I felt my lower lip tremble. “This hurts like hell . . .”

“Got it,” he said, and he was up and out like a lightning bolt.

I couldn’t think - the pain was too intense. All that would spur into my mind, just a little bit, was that Harper acted in a manner that reminded me of how I treated my own little brother.

 

***

 

“You two are  _ idiots _ ,” Jade said when he got there, gripping my shoulder and my hand as he pumped healing chakra into my body. “Why the hell did you think it’d be a good idea to try probing an unknown chakra that thick that has the kind of effect we’ve seen in the last few months?!”

“Hey, she wanted to,” Harper from the doorway, feet away. “I just let her.”

Jade gave me a look that wasn’t as much of a glare as it was an unamused stare. “So you reached into a chakra like that while suffering from a muscle injury and a broken toe.”

I grabbed at the leg of my shorts with my free hand and looked away. “I-I didn’t really think about that,” I said. “I just wanted to know what was wrong.”

“Well, you’ve completely bollocks’d up the healing process on your arm,” he said as he looked it over. The cut had split open again mere minutes after Harper had left; it’d oozed blood like it was pus. “Can’t say for sure how bad it is, but trust me, letting a foreign chakra into your system like that didn’t help. At  _ all _ .”

“I didn’t mean to let it in, though!” I insisted. “I just meant to see-”

“If it would bite back?” he asked. “Yeah, you have your answer.”

. . . That didn’t make me feel better.

Harper sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I’ll be the one to apologize, Jade,” he said. “After all, I should’ve known better. After six months with no progress, I was naive to think that there was any kind of hope at all.”

After a statement like that, it made me feel worse.

But it also convinced me that I needed to try again.


	20. Chapter 20

I was bedridden for three days. Jade said he’d never seen anything like it; even after healing me as best he could, the effort of it all was exhausting, and I fell into his bed and didn’t wake up except for the occasional bite of food and my medication. Harper didn’t come see me at all; even if he had, I wouldn’t have noticed, for underneath the warm comforter and sheets, I slept like a log. I supposed it was what I deserved - I really had acted stupid, and the mark on my arm never went back to that thin, puckered line from before.

But when I did wake up and moved around, I was happy to know I was back in fine form; my toes had been healed by Jade while I slept, and even though the wound was still raw as a scar, I figured that I would be fine in no time. I applied a mix of my own herbs while Jade attended during the rare moments of pain, and when he told me that I would be able to leave  in a couple of short days, I made plans to leave and start for the Land of Stones before I lost my nerves.

But the problem surrounding Harper still weighed on me.

 

***

 

I found myself days later closing the front door behind me and giving a heavy sigh, feeling weighed down like there were boulders on my shoulders. I rubbed at my eyes and looked up, realizing that Harper had been sitting on the couch, reading a book.

“Any luck?” he asked as I stepped in.

“None. I keep asking people about you, but they never seem to think anything of it. They insist that what happened was a tragedy, but that was all. Nobody will even consider the idea that you’re still living,” I sat down in an armchair and rubbed at my temples with a sigh. “I really wish you’d come with me and start waving in their faces. Maybe then it would work.

“It’s hopeless,” he said, looking back to his book. “There’s no point in trying. It’s over.”

I pouted.

And then I got up and ripped the book out of his hands.

He whipped around to stare at me, eyes wide. “What the hell was  _ that _ for?!” he asked, jaw fallen.

“For being a depressing pessimist!” I stomped my foot and held the book behind my back. “All you ever do is read books and angst about! It’s worse than my parents, and  _ trust _ me, I’ve seen them angst before!”

“Have you, now?” he asked with a raised brow. I waved him off.

“That’s not the point,” I said. “I mean that you’re moping around complaining and doing  _ nothing _ ! It’s terrible! Makes me depressed just looking at you!”

“Stop worrying about it, then,” he said, eyes narrowing. “Now give me back my book.”

“No! Not until you start lightening up!”

He pushed himself up and standing. He was several inches taller than me - he loomed like a dark shadow. “I  _ said _ ,” he hissed, “Give me back my book.”

“And I,” I insisted, “Said no.”

He reached behind me, but I leapt back only to stumble and fall on my ass. And then he was, of course, crawling over me to get it back; I held it back and leaned, and then I threw it across the room. His eyes followed it as it flew into a corner - and then he glared at me.

“ _ God _ !” he hissed. “You’re such a little kid!”

“And you’re such a whiny pessimist!” I shot back. “It’s been six months! Don’t you think it’s time to start trying to  _ live _ again?!”

“Yeah, but guess what?” he pointed to his stomach. “This little thing keeps getting in the way, dammit!”

“If you took every downfall as a certain defeat, you’d never get anywhere!” I insisted. “Do you think I lied down and gave up when I figured out I had asthma?! No, I didn’t, dammit!”

His eyes widened. “Asthma?”

“Yeah, asthma!” I said. “And anyways-”

He’d stopped listening. His eyes had gone distant.

“Hey, are you ignoring me?!” I asked, fisting my hands in the carpet. “I swear, if you’re not listening-”

“You have what my brothers have?”

I blinked. He’d sat up, giving me the freedom to do the same, but I didn’t move. Not then. He had a strange look in his eyes, and I found myself raising a brow. Somehow, his expression was . . . Familiar. Like I’d seen it before.

Or like I’d  _ worn _ it before.

He looked back to me, with that same look of protectiveness I couldn’t place. “You said,” he asked, calmer than before, “That you had asthma?”

I shifted back and crossed my arms, still angry and pouty as ever. “Yeah,” I said. “What of it?”

“I have two younger brothers,” he said. “They, along with my mother, have asthma, too.”

Brothers? His mom? My eyes widened. With that surprise, I felt some of my anger leak. “You have siblings?”

“Yeah . . . A whole family,” He said, leaning back and putting a hand to his chin. “Both of them are young, but the eldest should be going to the ninja academy soon. I have a little sister, too; she’s a lot younger than them. I haven’t seen them since months before the accident.”

“Really . . .” I bit my lower lip. It seemed a familiar situation, although how to place it, I didn’t know. What I did know was that I understood; “I have a brother, too,” I said. “He’s a Chunin in the Land of Fields, but he’s never been good like my parents or I.”

He gave me a scathing look. “I have a feeling that your standards for ‘good’ are really skewed compared to the real world.”

“That’s neither here nor there,” I said, shaking my head. “Anyways, what does it matter? The asthma, I mean.”

“It doesn’t, really,” he said, pursing his lips and then frowning. “You just- you reminded me, that’s all.”

“You said you hadn’t seen them in months?”

“Last visit was a few weeks before my mission. I haven’t bothered to go back to see them.”

“Why?”

He looked up at me, his frown still imprinted on his face. “Haven’t had the guts.”

The guts . . . “You think they won’t be able to see you.”

“Yeah,” he said. And then his eyes dropped again. “I think if they don’t see me, then I’ll . . . I’ll feel something terrible. And I don’t want to see how they’ve been living without me, either.”

. . . He really had given up.

We were feet apart at that point. I curled my feet in, wrapped my arms around my knees. Meanwhile, his legs were splayed; he rested an elbow on his knee and his chin on his hand, lost in thought. And suddenly, that’s what my brain began to associate with; the thoughtful look, the one you had when you had siblings to think of and watch out for. I’d seen it before; I’d seen my dad with the same expression when we talked about my uncle. I’d seen Madara make it whenever we talked about the war, or whenever he talked about his smaller, more tragic family from the past.

I’d felt the expression on my own face, thinking and worrying about Shisui.

Shisui, who’d returned from a mission without me home.

And, for a reason I couldn’t pinpoint, my stomach began to ache.

“You,” Harper said, breaking me from my thoughts, “Are such a child.”

I sighed; my annoyance came flooding back. “And you’re the one who’s planning on hiding the rest of his life, even from his family. Don’t you think that’s a waste?” He put his face more fully into his hand, and I realized I’d maybe hurt his feelings. “I-I mean,” I stuttered. “I’m sorry, Harper.”

“No . . .” He lifted his head and shook. “You’re right. It’s a waste. But we both know-”

“That you’re stubborn?”

“That there’s no  _ point _ ,” he muttered. “Less than a quarter of the world can see me-”

“A quarter of  _ this village _ .”

“It still applies, okay?!” he sounded angry for a moment, looking back to me. “And anyways, there’s no way to fix this, dammit. I’m alone.”

“. . . But I fixed it for me,” I said quietly.

He didn’t answer at first, just looked away. “Well,” he said, “You can thank your Sharingan for that. Nobody else has that sort of skill, at least not as many as before.”

“That’s not what’s to thank. I can thank  _ myself _ and my  _ abilities _ for it. The Sharingan is just a tool,” I said. “And besides, how do we know that nobody else could do it without it?”

He sighed. “I really doubt the Sharingan could affect-”

“But maybe I could use my chakra! Release them from the genjutsu!”

“Jade already tried that.”

“Well, I want to try again. Everybody deserves a life, including you.”

He looked back to me, and I saw a little bit of the strength in his eyes - his whole form, really - slackening. “There’s just so little hope, dammit.”

“Of course there isn’t, when you don’t look for it,” I said.

He looked down and sighed, and I followed suit. Why was he being so  _ difficult _ ? I wanted to help him. I wasn’t entirely sure  _ why _ , of course, but I knew I wanted to stop acting like his life was over. It was a part of me that couldn’t help itself when it came to those suffering, I guess. 

_ I became a ninja so I could help others, so nobody would have to live in pain _ , I thought, eyes sliding shut as I thought back.  _ Isn’t this exactly what I thought of? What I wanted to fix? _

Harper hadn’t said anything, and I couldn’t blame him. But my feet were getting itchy for movement and I thought about the time, and I remembered one last errand I had to make. I got up, stretching, eye shut. “Just- whatever,” I finally said, feeling like I was giving up. “I really want to help, I do, but right now’s not the time. I need to go to the apothecary so I can get more medicine prepped for when I leave-”

“Wait,” he asked. “You’re leaving?”

I opened my eyes and looked down, but he was already standing. Shock had plastered itself to his face; I wondered why. I spoke slowly as a result. “Jade said I could leave anytime,” I said, “And I hadn’t meant to stay this long anyway. I need to meet my uncle in the Land of Stone. So I’ll be leaving tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?!”

I lifted a brow and cocked my head to one side. “I thought you’d be glad to have me gone,” I said. “Then I won’t be bothering you so much.”

He didn’t answer.

“Oh, whatever,” I finally sighed, sick and tired of being annoyed with him. I turned to the door and moved to walk out, beginning to speak. “I just have to go get some extra medicine, they didn’t make enough the first time for my asthma. It won’t take longer than-”

“Let me come with you.”

I stopped, looked back to him. But his eye seemed serious.

“Let me follow you to the apothecary.”


	21. Chapter 21

I was sort of regretting letting him come with me; he was not a talkative partner to walk with. But it was also strange to see what happened as we walked through the busy town, which was this: everybody nodded to me, said a few pleasant hellos, and then walked by like they hadn’t seen Harper at all. Nobody even walked into him, either; they just so happened to walk around him, without even brushing him, it seemed. I looked up at him and asked, “Is this always what happens when you go out?”

“Most of the time,” he admitted. I could tell from his reddening cheeks that he didn’t like to talk about it. I let it drop.

When we walked into the apothecary, the scents nearly took me away again. It was stronger than before; new herbs, I assumed, fresher ones. I took a big breath and nearly swayed on the spot, the medicinal scents making my head feel clouded and dizzy.

When I looked behind the counter, though, I nearly felt faint again for another reason entirely that had nothing to do with plants, and everything to do with the young lady from before, standing behind the counter again, her red hair this time flowering down her shoulders in cascades of delicate vines, looking soft and delicate as a cloud, almost as smooth and inviting as her red lips against her porcelain face-

_ Platonic _ , I thought, shaking my head furiously.  _ It’s just platonic, that’s all- _

“Oh! Miss Katya, is that you again?”

_ -even if she does have a voice like a river of honey and sugar. _

“H-Hello again,” I smiled in a way that I was sure must’ve looked cheesy. “I-Is it just again today?”

“Yes, ma’am!” she smiled. “My mama’s always running around supplying for the shop. These herbs aren’t common, after all!”

Harper, behind me, spoke up. “Fresh ones, too,” he said, and I had a feeling only I could hear him. “Some of these must’ve been imported from the Land of Grass, or even from Konohagakure. They certainly seem to have come from those parts, anyway.”

“You think so?” I asked, turning back to look at him.

“Yeah,” he said with a nod. “Been to Konoha a few times. Nice place, and these herbs look like they’d belong there.”

The lady spoke up behind the counter again. “Did you say something, ma’am?”

“Oh!” I looked back to her and blushed. “Um- nothing,” I claimed. And there was the awkward part of having a companion that nobody could see - it made me, via replying to him, look a little dazed in the head.  _ No wonder he steps out so rarely _ , I thought,  _ if everybody makes out his friends to be madmen. He must feel terrible. _

I shook my head of the thought. I was getting distracted. “Um,” I said again, stepping closer to the counter as I drew a list from my pocket, a list I’d been holding onto ever since Lady Tsunade had given me my first round of medication. “Remember the medicine I asked you to make a few days ago?” I asked. “I have the list of ingredients here, still; I was wondering if you could make another supply for me?”

“Oh, of course!” she smiled and took the list gratefully. “It shouldn’t take me too long; I can mix it up in a few minutes, if you want.”

“Of course,” I said, but my mind was still on Harper, and when she turned away, I suddenly thought of something. “Hold on a second . . . Could I see that list again?”

“Of course,” she said, turning back to me and, just as I’d hoped, showing me the list without letting it go. “Here you are.”

My stomach was tying itself up in knots; already, I could feel the chakra settling in my eyes, so I kept them downturned, hoping my hair hid them from view as I pretended to look over the list. I remembered Jade telling me, at one point, that she wasn’t a shinobi at all, but with her chakra, she could’ve been; her vitality made her chakra a ripe green of leaves, of a summer forest, and it floated around her body like a peaceful cloud. I wondered if she knew how to control it; and, if so, if she would sense what I was about to do.

I swallowed and leaned forward, reaching out a hand. “I-I’m sorry, um . . .”

She made an affirmative noise, and I took a deep breath as I took her hand in mine, acting as if to pull the list closer to my face. It felt like my heart was thudding a million times over as I concentrated, trying to think of how best to send her my awareness, what would work the best. In the end, I let the supply of chakra to my eyes diminish; I tried what felt like sending that chakra from my irises to my hand, enough so I could see a small glow around my fingers . . . And then I pressed it into her, and hoped she didn’t notice.

“O-Okay,” I pulled back, and when I looked to her again, my Sharingan was gone; I could see her demure, yet pleasantly surprised expression once I looked back to her. I gave what hoped looked like a realistic smile. “I have an allergy to an herb,” I said. “I just wanted to make sure this list didn’t include it.”

“Of course, I understand,” she gave me that dazzling smile again, at the same time that I felt the use of power take a toll on me. “Allergies are terrible, and I’m sure asthma is a thousand times worse! Perhaps you should wait outside; you’re beginning to look a little red-faced anyways, and I’m sure it has to do with all of these strong herbs around!” she said with a laugh.

“The herbs - right,” I said. While I stood thinking about it, I  _ did _ notice I was feeling a bit red. “I think- think I’ll take that advice. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome! I’ll walk it out to you as soon as it’s done.”

“Thanks.”

I turned and saw Harper was already waiting at the door, waiting for me - and he did looked  _ amused _ . I tried to keep a neutral walk, including a neutral face, as I walked out, knowing he was right on my heels.

Once we were outside, I leaned against the brick exterior and waited for him to start. I didn’t have to wait long. “What the hell were you  _ doing _ back there?” he asked, although instead of a scowl, he’d started looking inquisitive instead.

“I-I was just trying to see if it would help,” I said, biting my lip. “I m-mean, I thought she had a pretty good chakra signature, and I figured- with my chakra and hers-”

“What?” he raised a brow, then shook his head. “I didn’t mean any of  _ that _ . You’re welcome to flail all you’d like. I mean what was with the  _ hand holding _ ?”

“Wh-What!” I quivered on the spot. “It was the means to an end!”

“You sure?” he raised a brow. “I dunno about  _ that _ . . .”

I tensed and raised my voice. “What are you talking about, you little-!”

“Miss Katya!”

I started as the door opened and the lady stepped out, bright eyes and warmth radiating from her. I shut my mouth and hoped she hadn’t seen or heard anything - again, I didn’t want to seem crazy. “Wh-What is it?”

“I just noticed, we’re behind on a shipment for one of the herbs,” she said, “But I have a substitute that has the same properties and works just as well. Do you mind if I use that instead?”

“O-Oh,” I nodded. “Yes, of course.”

“Great,” she said with a smile.

And then she surprised Harper and I both.

By turning  _ straight to him _ .

“And who would you be?” she asked sweetly. “Are you her beau? You two would look so  _ cute _ together!”

Harper’s eyes went wide - like,  _ dinner plate _ wide. No, scratch that, even - they looked too wide to describe. His whole face almost seemed to light up, as much as it could, at least, with surprise, shock, disbelief, the run-of-the-mill reactions.

And slowly - very very slowly, as if he was going to be stung - he held out a hand and said, in a shaking voice, “I-I’m Harper,” he said. “Just- Harper.”

“Oh, Harper, is it?” she smiled and shook his hand. “My mother knew a man of the same name. Said he died a few months back, but you know, you look so much like him, from what she described to me. Maybe I’m just remembering it wrong. But the two of you look like good friends, anyway. Oh!” and she stopped and turned red. “Also, I’m sorry for not coming up to you in the store earlier. You looked like you knew what you were doing.”

“It’s . . . Fine,” he said. I wondered if he was going to pass out.

“Well, okay!” she smiled and stepped back. “I’m sorry, I should get back to work! I’ll have your medicine ready in a jiffy, ma’am!” she said to me, and then she went back inside, and we were alone again.

. . . Frankly, I’d stopped breathing at that point. I turned my look to Harper, who looked even more stunned than I did, and I tried to speak. “I- my chakra - and now she-”

“Yeah,” he nodded slightly. “Yeah.”

“Isn’t this good?” I asked. “It’s-”

He dropped his eyes - and suddenly, the aura of sadness fell over him again. “It’s not a complete solution, though,” he said. “I think- I think that was just lucky.”

Maybe it was. But I wanted to remain hopeful.

But his sadness, when he should’ve been happy, weighed down on me.

 

***

 

“Katya?”

He’d spoken up while we were walking back to Jade’s house. “What’s up?” I asked.

“I . . .” He sighed. “You said you were heading to the Land of Stone, right?”

“Yes,” I said, beginning to worry. “To meet my uncle.”

“Ahuh,” he said. And then, slowly - “I know this is weird, but I want to ask . . .”

“What?”

“. . . I know it’s not easy going up that way. I mean, I know the terrain. And I’ve been here a while, and- okay, look. I know you’re an older sister, but-”

I stopped, suddenly, in my tracks. He did, too, looking back to me. I blurted out my thoughts.

“You want to come with me?”

And for the first time - the  _ first time _ \- I saw him give me a smile. A real, joker-ish smile. One that lit up his eyes just a little bit, instead of leaving them looking hollow.

“Yeah. After all, can’t let you go running off with your big head full of steam where you could get yourself into more trouble, right?” he asked. And then, before I could make an angry retort - “And I think you might be right. It may be time to start moving again.”

Just like that, my anger slowed . . . And I found myself smiling a little bit, too.

And I couldn’t find the heart in me to say no, when he’d finally taken a stab at what I’d been trying to tell him about - hope.


	22. Chapter 22

We left together first thing in the morning, with our goodbyes and thanks to Jade taken care of ahead of time. Nobody was awake when we left, and it was just as well - I didn’t want him to feel awkward as we left, with only me as the subject of attention.

The oasis quickly petered out to sand again once we left, and that sand lasted for days before finally transitioning back to moist soil and deep-green grass in the Land of Woods. The grass underfoot was a reassurance and a blessing; it meant no more slipping over sand and rubble. Not only that, we could get horses, and I was ready to hop on the back of one and give my feet a rest.

“Does it really take you so long to find a horse that likes you?” he asked when I met him outside the stables, a horse in tow. I turned red.

“Most animals stay away from me,” I said. “I don’t blame them. Most people keep their distance, too.”

“Why’s that?”

“Family,” I said as I pushed myself into the saddle, careful not to bump Hashi, who’d taken to sitting on the mantle before hopping onto my knee. “My family is made up of criminals, really; nobody really likes a family of criminals.”

Harper got into his saddle as well; he seemed in a happy enough mood, probably because the stablehand had  _ seen _ him. “Your parents are the issue, though?” he asked.

“Yeah. My Uncle Deidara and - well, he’s not really a  _ grandfather _ ,” I explained as we kicked our horses into trots, “But my mom’s adoptive father. Those two aren’t around very much, so it’s mostly my parents that are to blame. After all, their crime was no secret. They destroyed the whole Uchiha clan, minus my Uncle Sasuke and my dad. It’s not something you can keep . . . Quiet.”

“Of course not,” he said. “Anything unusual, and people start going to lengths to keep it out.”

I thought of his situation, exorcised from society. I tried not to think too hard about it. “But you know, it was an order,” I tried to say instead. “My dad had orders to do it. My mom, well, she just helped because she knew it was the right thing to do, and so did my grandfather. They did it because it helped other people, not because they were criminal bastards. They fought for what they thought was right.”

“Like you,” he said, and then he turned away and forced his horse into a canter, and I was forced to keep up by riding back up to him. But we were too fast for words, then - and that forced my mind into thought.

 

***

 

After I was nearly kidnapped, the experience left a mark on me - a mark so big, I decided not to fight. My parents, of course, weren’t pleased, but they dealt with it. Deidara did his damndest to distract me from the fear, and my brother - well, he was too young to understand why I spent many days sitting in my room and crying. He was only five.

But Madara was damned stubborn. My mom told me that in his day, everybody was a fighter - no exceptions. It was either that, or be killed, and that was the First Shinobi War as they knew it. After all, Madara had lost  _ all _ of his siblings to war, including his younger brother, Izuna. She told me later that she suspected he and her were not so different; they feared every day for the lives of their loved ones. Hell, my mom had nearly  _ died _ to save her husband. And Madara had done his part to protect them, too.

So Madara started staying for longer periods of time, and every time he was around, we trained. We trained like hell, and he forced me so hard some days that I crawled into bed and could barely get up the next morning. I protested the training often, and though he tried very hard to be gentle with me, he never let me out of it. He held back enough to keep me from serious harm, but that was it. He expected me to fight him - and if I didn’t strike first, he did instead.

“I don’t  _ want _ to kill people!” I finally burst out when I was thirteen. “I don’t want to lead a life where I’m t-taking people and hurting them for revenge or sport or  _ anything _ ! I just want people to be happy without having to watch people die!”

I’d begun to cry, sitting on the ground like a child and covering my eyes with my hands, sobbing and sniffling and covering my face with tears and snot. Madara hadn’t said a word for a long time; he’d stood back and watched me with a curious expression on his face, as if he was trying to decide what to do. I wasn’t sure, as I sat there sobbing, if I wanted him to come help me or not.

In the end, he walked over and pulled me into his arms, and I sobbed into his shirt.

When he led me into the house minutes later, he found my mom sitting on the couch in the living room and, with a protective arm still around me, he said five words, flat.

“You need to tell her.”

I had seen the light in my mother’s eyes die, almost. She stared at him emptily, and then she shut the book in her lap and stood up, and she walked away.

It made me cry for longer than I had during the fight, and I didn’t even know  _ why _ .

A couple of evenings later, my father took my brother to a festival just the two of them. Madara left to go find a group of insurgents that had wandered too close to the village. And my mom - she found me in my room and sat down on my bed, and she told me about the Uchiha Massacre.

“The Uchihas had been planning a coup d’etat,” she told me. I asked her what it meant. “It means that they were going to overthrow the government, and lots of people would die as a result. Your father was given an order to kill them all, and if he refused, he’d have no chance at saving his younger brother. So he made a deal so that he would be able to protect him.

“I joined him, of course - so did Madara. I had no orders to, of course, but-”

“Why, then?”

She didn’t answer my question. Three years later, I would learn that she helped him because it was the chance to get away from her abusive father.

“The mission . . . Made you both criminals,” I said after she told her story. “You didn’t have to become criminals, but Dad  _ wanted _ the status to shun him, and by disobeying orders, you became a criminal as well. Why?”

“Well, I expect that’s exactly what Madara wants you to know about. I think he thought you were ready to hear the reasons,” she slid an arm around my shoulders and gave me a sad smile. “Your father, especially, was tormented by the reasonings he made for many years, to the point where he nearly lost his life. But for me, well, I guess I made my peace with the events a little faster. After all, I hadn’t had to kill my family.”

“So why?”

She sighed. And then she looked at me and gave me a firm look, one of certainty.

“Because otherwise, other people would’ve suffered. And in the end, I decided that I would take a burden upon myself in order to help those people. Your father did the same. He just took longer to disassociate the guilt from it.”

. . . I’d purposefully failed the graduation exam at the Academy for four years; I was skilled enough that the first time they tried to make me a genin was at nine. I’d failed them so that way I wouldn’t be forced to fight, and at the time that my mother told me the story, the exam was a few weeks away, and my grades had been suffering.

Several days after what she told me, a teacher came to the door while I was at school and asked to speak to my mother and father. And she asked them, with a strange sounding voice, “Has anything changed in this household in the last week?”

My mom, apparently, had raised a brow and said, “Nothing that I would know of. We had a . . . Discussion . . . With our daughter, but nothing more.”

“Well, whatever that discussion was, it’s done something,” she said. “Within the last few days, her grades have gone from failing to excelling in each task. Her official grade is no longer within the failure range - it’s now average.”

And I’d fixed the rest of my grades, too - by the end, my grades weren’t perfect, but they were good enough to let me pass. I became a genin at thirteen, all because I had found a reason to fight. When Madara heard, he was ecstatic.

“I guess talking to your mom did  _ something _ , right?” he asked me slyly once he’d learned.

Because he was right. It  _ had _ done something. It had given me my reason to fight, to defend even if I was still afraid, still trapped in trauma.

Days later, I found the will to push the rest of the trauma aside, because if I hadn’t, my mother would’ve died.

 

***

 

I’d never seen an actual border guard between the countries while I’d been traveling. Even when I’d been leaving the Land of Fire, I’d seen no guards. Even when I entered the Land of  _ Wind _ , there’d be nothing to stop me from riding in. Even the stray soldier or two that I rode past gave me no heed - if anything, they shouted me a welcome as I entered the countries.

The Land of Stone was different.

Each mile down, there were teams of ninjas - and they all looked ready to fight.

We’d heard in a village just a few miles from the border, when an older lady told us about the strange activity. “They’ll halt every person trying to come into the Land of Stone - even shinobi,” she whispered. “And nobody has left in  _ weeks _ . We’ve had no news since.”

I knew Harper felt the same way I did:  _ concerned _ . We mounted our horses after refreshing our supplies, but we didn’t leave. Not yet.

“Maybe we should avoid it for now,” he said. “Try riding up through Ame and the Land of Grass instead.”

“Whatever’s going on in the Land of Stone can’t be as bad as it can be through Amegakure,” I said, shaking my head. “After the last war, leadership there has been bouncing between heads. Rumor has it that insurgents are particularly concentrated in there, and they’re trying to ‘reclaim’ the leadership themselves.”

“But at least that, we  _ know _ ,” he said. Then, he added, “Didn’t you tell me that your grandfather had ordered you not to go to Iwagakure?”

“Iwa’s several months away at this point,” I said as I hiked up my chin another notch. “Besides, if something’s going on, I want to know about it. If it’s bad, we’ll just  _ leave _ .”

“The lady just said that nobody’s been let out, though!”

I shrugged and rubbed down my horse’s neck, leaning my face into the horseflesh in the hopes that Harper wouldn’t hear.

“Then we’ll break our way out ourselves and take anybody who needs to leave with us,” I muttered, and then I sat up and kicked the horse into a gallop.


	23. Chapter 23

The spot where we approached the border had one shoddy-built house that kept five or six men inside, all of whom filed out as Harper and I rode up. All of them looked right at me, of course - none of them saw Harper or his horse. I gave him a look, one that I hoped communicated “Let me handle this”, and I turned to the men and gave them a quick greeting.

“Please dismount the horse, ma’am,” the man said, and I did as he said, a hand on my knapsack and Hashi on the mantle of the saddle. The man seemed almost bored as he led me away from the building, yards away, in fact; he pulled out a small notepad and started taking notes. “Name?”

“Katya Kameneva,” I said. He didn’t even flinch.

“Age? Destination? Reason for entry?”

“Eighteen,” I said, and I remembered then the date - the beginning of October. I’d be nineteen soon; I shook off the thought. “I’m simply passing through up to the Land of Waterfall. I’ll be meeting my uncle at some point, is my hope.”

“And your uncle’s name?” the man asked. He barely bothered to look at me.

“Deidara Iwa. He’s my mother’s brother.”

He stopped writing; I watched his shoulders stiffen. He looked up at me with a suspicious look. “Your mother’s brother, you say?”

“Well, unofficially,” I said, shifting my weight nervously. I could still see Harper from the corner of my eye; he seemed anxious, wanting to ride past the border yet trying to wait for me. I tried to give him a look to make him get the hell out, but he shook his head. So it was.

“So he’s not really your uncle, then?” he asked, eyes narrowed.

“No,” I said. “I guess it’d be more accurate to call him a family friend.”

“Hm,” he looked back down to his notepad and began scribbling again. “And your mother? Who would she be?”

What a weird question. “Is that . . . Necessary for you to know?” I asked.

He raised a brow without looking at me. “Ma’am, are you resisting an officer of the law?”

_ You’re a shinobi just like me! _ I thought, but I tried to keep my annoyance hidden and instead gave an apologetic smile. “No, I’m not. My apologies,” I said. “My mother’s name is Natasha Kameneva. She asked me to check up on her friend for her.”

He hummed, and then he put the notepad away and held out his hand. “Your bag, please,” he said.

Part of me wanted to shoot a million questions at him, some of which had to do with  _ what do you need my bag for?! _ , but I handed it over without a word. Immediately, two more men approached and began opening it, digging through my supplies. “Uh-!” I stiffened and tried stepping closer. “Please, be careful-!”

“Ma’am,” the first officer stepped in front of me, blocking my view. “It’s procedural, ma’am. Now, might I ask after the horse and bird?”

“. . . The horse is being borrowed. I intend to return it to a stable in the Land of Waterfall,” I said. “The falcon is my companion, Hashi.”

“Companion?” he raised a brow. I resisted a groan.

“He’s a normal falcon, not a summon,” I said. “If he was, I’d know, correct?”

“Is he healthy?”

“Yes, I had him checked out in the grasslands.”

“Would you submit him for an exam-”

“You sure are asking a  _ lot _ of pressing questions, mister,” I said, and out of instinct, I reached down and gripped the headband I’d tied around my hips. “Look, my falcon is perfectly well. There’s no need to-”

His eyes latched onto my headband. “And what is that for?” he asked.

Oh my  _ god _ . This was flat-out harrassment! “I got it from the Hokage in the Land of Fire,” I snapped, “Because I never got one in the Land of Fields. Sir, am I being detained?”

“Sir,” one of the men suddenly spoke up, and the first officer turned on his heel to look at-

The bottle of my medication.  _ Oh, hell _ .

The officer snatched the bottle of medication from the other man and turned to me, scowling. “And  _ this _ is?” he asked.

“Medication! For asthma!” I said, and on cue, I felt my breath laboring. Sweet Rikudou, was he going to keep me all day?! “Look,” I said, crossing my arms. “I need it for daily use so I don’t collapse and die of lack of oxygen, okay? I have an emergency inhaler in my bag, too, so there’s no need for you to-”

“Ma’am,” he tucked the bottle of medicine into one of his pouches on his hip. “I’ll need you to come with me.”

I stepped back, shocked. “What?!”

“There’s a station a few miles down from here, to the west. We’ll need to check out your medication, credentials, health-”

“What health?! This isn’t a routine passage!” I growled as I stepped back and grabbed the hilt of the kodachi, ready to pull it out if need be. “Sir, if you’re going to make excuses-”

“Katya!” Harper suddenly shouted, grabbing my attention. He was stiff as a corpse on the back of his horse. “If you keep trying to resist, they could kill you!”

“Does it look like I  _ care _ ?!” I used my other hand to try and wave him off. “Grab Hashi and get the hell out of here!”

“Not without you!” he shouted back.

“Ma’am!” the first officer shouted at me, pulling my attention back. “Who are you talking to?!”

“If I told you, you’d kill me faster!” I dragged out my kodachi and leveled it at his face. “Now  _ let me through _ !”

Suddenly, a squack - and Hashi was  _ attacking the officer _ .

“What the hell- dratted bird!” he swatted Hashi away with a curse, and I suddenly lunged forward thinking  _ nobody touches my fucking falcon- _

And then the building nearby  _ exploded _ .

Somebody screamed-  I stepped back in shock, eyes wide as it went up in a burst of flames, and I thought I heard a flapping of wings and a shout and-

“You stupid-!”

I turned back to the man and did the only thing I could - I swung my blade so hard it sank into his chest and left a bloody line, watching his face pale before he could pull out his own weapon and-

“RUN!”

Who knew who said it, but I did it.

I ran like  _ hell _ was at my heels.

 

***

 

My feet pounded for ages, like I was trying to wear my boots thin, and it was miles later that I was forced to stop, having entered the woods and collapsing to the ground, breath heaving. I felt around for my emergency inhaler, somewhere on my belt, but I remembered - too late - it’d been with my bag. It’d still been with the men back at the explosion site.

_ Don’t panic, don’t panic _ , I thought as I dragged myself behind a tree, trying to right my senses and pull in my breaths. It felt like I was sucking through a straw - my chest felt swollen. I put a hand to my sternum and tried to breathe, tried to recalculate the situation.

Harper was gone; I’d lost track of him while I was running. He had the horse - mine had been left behind, and though I’d heard its whinny at the scene, I knew it hadn’t followed. Hashi had followed me, though - when I looked up, I saw him balancing on a tree limb, cocking his head at me from above, confused. I let out a sigh - as much of one as I could - and relaxed a little more.

_ But what the hell happened back there _ ? I wondered. My bag and my medication had been left behind - I had nothing but my kodachi at my hip and Hashi above.  _ That’s not all I have though _ , I thought: I had my jutsu, and most of my wits. Still, a building randomly exploding - that wasn’t normal, that was for sure. So what had caused it? And why the hell had it happened  _ then _ ?

I’d killed a man to get away. I’d lost Harper.

What else could be out there?

I heard a snapping twig and was immediately alert, trying to stand - but suddenly, my lungs pressed out a cough, one so strong it shook my body and made me lean over, pressing hands to my chest. I felt it like it was draining me, like it was ripping up my lungs, and I felt tears bead in my eyes as I tried to breathe, tried to get back my wits-

“Katya?!”

Somebody shouted my name, but who knew who. But then somebody was kneeling in front of me and putting something to my lips, something familiar, and I was suddenly sucking in a breath and felt my lungs widen, expand. I gasped and fell back against the tree, eyes shut, as I finally was able to take in precious oxygen. The relief spun my head, pulsed in my head - and it made it easier to hear the words.

“Holy  _ shit _ , that was supposed to be a hallucination, un! I didn’t think it was going to seriously be  _ you _ ! What the fuck are you  _ doing _ here?! And for that matter -  _ where the hell is an adult?! _ ”

I coughed a little and forced my eyes to open, just enough to see . . .

A mop of blond hair falling over one side of his face - a scratched headband tied over his forehead. A bright blue eye peering down at me.

Suddenly, I was lunging forward to pull him into a hug.

“ _ Deidara _ !”

He stiffened once I had my arms around his neck, but then he was hugging me back tightly, and when he pressed his hands to my back, I could feel the hard press of my inhaler against my spine. “Holy  _ crap _ !” I leaned back and looked him over, and then I saw it - my  _ bag _ . “Deidara, you-!”

“What are you  _ doing _ here, Katya?!” he asked, wide-eyed. “How the-”

“I should ask  _ you _ that! You saved my life, and-  _ my mother’s been worried sick _ !” suddenly I remembered her worry, and I was slapping him upside the head and watching him wince as I scooched back and crossed my arms. “Last news we had of you, you were passing Madara in Sunagakure, and Iwa was in some sort of trouble! Why are  _ you _ around here?!”

“That’s not important, un!” he shot back. “More important is why you’re here in the middle of rebellion!”

I stopped for just a second before I asked. “Rebellion?”

“Yeah! Haven’t you guys heard? Ever since the tsujikage died-”

_ “The tsujikage is dead? _ ”

He gave me a dry look, and I shut my mouth. This wasn’t the time; I had my breath back, for the most part, but there were more important issues to talk about.

“You’re damn lucky I was in the area when you rode up, hm. I was just about to duck into the Land of Grass for supplies, and I ended up raiding their border house instead. Tell me you didn’t come into this on  _ purpose _ .”

“I’m traveling! And I’m traveling with-” I stopped and shook my head. “I need to find my companion, Harper. We must’ve lost each other in the rush of things.”

“You had a companion?”

I groaned. Great, Dei  _ hadn’t _ seen him. It really  _ was _ difficult to travel with Harper. “Look, it’s complicated. You probably can’t see him. Genjutsu shit. Complicated,” I said before reaching out and grabbing his hand, sharingan activated. “Look, just wait for a sec. Hopefully I can take care of this before-”

Suddenly, something  _ very _ moist and  _ very _ slimy  _ licked my hand. _

“GAH!” I reeled back and wiped my hand on my pants. “Fuck, I forgot about-!”

Deidara glared and held up his hands in defense - and, of course, the mouths on his hands  _ smiled _ at me, tongues out and lolling. When was I going to remember that?!

“Ugh, just- whatever,” I shook my head and grabbed his hand again, quickly sending a jolt of chakra through him before struggling to my feet. “G-Give me my bag,” I stammered. “We have to find Harper.”

“Your companion?” he asked with annoyance. “The one I apparently can’t see?”

“Yeah,” I coughed and leaned against the tree. “And I need- medication. The pills, Dei-”

He pressed a bottle into my hand, and though one of my thoughts was  _ he had to pickpocket a corpse for this _ , I tipped a pill into my hand and swallowed it down. While I was sealing the bottle again, Dei put a hand on my shoulder to steady me. “You’re hurt,” he said.

I shook my head. “Asthma,” I said. “I was diagnosed-”

“I know.”

I turned to him with wide eyes, and he gave a sigh as he ran a hand through his hair.

“Your mom wrote to me. Your dad, too. Now let’s go look for your friend, and you can read the letter while we walk.”


	24. Chapter 24

While Deidara led me out of the forest and summoned one of his clay birds, I asked him how he’d gotten anything -  _ anything _ \- from my parents. “Simple,” was what he said. “They sent Sylph after me. Took a few weeks to find me, I’m sure, but they managed. Sylph got hurt, though - wasn’t able to send back much of a letter, and it took a while.”

“Sylph got hurt?!”

“Not badly - I could to his injuries myself. I don’t know falconry though, so it was a bit of a burden, un,” he said before looking to my fingers, where I’d gotten Hashi to sit once I’d coerced him to leave the tree canopy. “I see you’re getting into it, though,” he said.

“Hashi has kept me from subsiding on nothing but bread and butter for a while,” I said, stroking his feathers gently. “My mom helped me get him, and I trained him before I left home.”

“ _ God _ ,” he shook his head with a sigh. “Leaving home during a time like this - well, I wouldn’t have recommended it. The world seems a lot crazier from within here than from outside.”

Once he’d gotten us seated on the bird and into the sky - at a far lower altitude than I would’ve thought he’d risk - he gave me two closed envelopes, stuffed with letters. “Just don’t drop them,” he said, and assured me he’d let me know if he saw anything.

The first, of course, was from my mom:

 

_ DEIDARA IWA! _

_ I SWEAR TO THE GOD OF SHINOBI HASHIRAMA SENJU THAT IF YOU DON’T RESPOND TO THIS WITHIN A MONTH, I AM COMING DOWN TO THE LAND OF STONE TO SHOVE A FOOT UP YOUR ASS MYSELF! _

 

. . . Despite nearly being dissuaded from reading, I decided to (delicately) read on.

 

_ I cannot TELL you have nervous we’ve all been, especially now that Katya’s left (more on that later)! First Madara sends us a letter warning about Iwagakure, and then we start hearing rumors about the dead tsujikage. Are they true?! I can hardly believe it myself - I’ve only seen his face in pictures, and he’d certainly been a lesser man before the war, but I’d heard such good things about him after the fact. And to think he was also your  _ teacher _ . . . I’m sorry, Dei. It must be hard for you. _

_ I don’t have much time for updates, so I’ll make it quick; I have a class to teach in a few minutes and, afterwords, a mission to run- _

 

“Mom’s running missions again?!” I asked hoarsely. Deidara looked over his shoulder at me and nodded.

“Read on,” was all he said.

 

_ -but I’ll tell you as much as I can. First off, a few months ago, Katya left home. I’m sending a copy of her route to you; we’re estimating she’ll be nearing the Land of Stone in October. I’d figured that it’d be fine as long as she didn’t pass by Iwagakure, but then a few weeks ago, we got the news about the dead tsujikage and all news from the Land of Stone stopped . . . I’d thought about going after her, but her letter months earlier said she’d left Konoha, so there was no way either I, or Itachi, could follow. There was no way. _

_ You should know something in case you run into her, though: she told us in her letter that she had asthma. I don’t know the details, but if you find her, make sure she’s alright. I’ll maim you if you don’t! What a terrible thing to learn, especially just as she starts her journey . . . _

_ I hope you’re okay, Dei. I really,  _ really _ hope you’re okay. Don’t do anything rash, okay? Madara said you’d been returning to Iwa last we heard. You’re not doing anything stupid, are you? Don’t get yourself killed. You’re Shisui’s godfather, after all. I won’t forgive you if you die and leave him in the lurch! _

_ And that’s something else I wanted to tell you, and something I’m hoping you’ll pass on to Katya, if/when you see her. Shisui’s . . . Something’s  _ wrong _. _

 

Suddenly, I felt like I couldn’t breathe again.

 

_ Shisui had a mission back in January - his first as a Chunin. I don’t know much about what happened, because he hasn’t told me (I’m not surprised - he prefers Itachi. Both kids do), but when he came back, the first thing he asked was where Katya was. And when we told him she was gone . . . I’ve never seen the light fade so fast from that kid’s eyes. He locked himself up in his room, and for weeks, he didn’t come out. Only snuck out in the middle of the night for food. _

_ He’s been . . . Better . . . Now, but something’s still wrong. He’s gotten back to leaving the house and talking with friends and actively talking to his dad and I, but his chakra is . . . Different. Stronger. I guess I should pleased, but that’s a pretty big difference from when he left. I remember noticing it the first night he got home, soaked from the rain that’s been thudding in the region. It’s strange. And not only that, but- . . . _

 

She’d scribbled the next part out, and only added one note in the margins: “I’ll let Itachi explain”. Wasn’t sure what it meant, but it still made my stomach feel like ice. I took a deep breath and read on.

 

_ Look, I’m sorry to be whining. But I’m just worried, especially about  _ you _. Be careful, and if you see Katya, take care of her. We’ll do our best over here with our family; after all, we gotta hold things together somehow, no? Katya likes you. You’ll have no trouble protecting her. _

_ Be safe; let us know how you fare. If not, I’ll come shove my foot up your ass, just like I said. _

_ Natasha _

 

I let out a quivering breath. Shisui? In trouble? What would’ve happened during his mission that would’ve thrown him off so badly? There was no answer, I supposed, but maybe my dad’s letter would explain more. I opened it up and scanned it through fast.

 

_ Deidara, _

_ First off, I should warn you about Natasha. She’s threatened more than once in my presence to go find you and slap some sense into you. I’ll hold her off, but I’d be wary anyway. Take too long, and perhaps I’ll have to go  _ with _ her. You know how she gets, and you’ve been gone for too long anyway. _

 

I wasn’t surprised.

 

_ Things haven’t been going well here at home. Missions are getting far too unwieldy now; the demand has risen, especially missions concerning insurgents. Most of them have been northward, to the Land of Mountains; we’re worried they’re trying to center a group there. There have been missions to Rain, Sea, and Lakes as well, but obviously, we can’t really go in those directions. Our only news from those parts come from Madara, of course. _

_ Speaking of which, Madara’s home. He got here a few days ago; he basically took over Katya’s bed and fell asleep for a few days. I imagine he’ll stuff a letter in with Sylph before I can stop him, but you should know he’s worried about you anyway. Of course, you know he’ll say something about not wanting you to get your “idiot-ass” kicked, but you know he cares. _

_ About Shisui. Natasha’s off on a mission, but she asked me to tell you about what he told us. I think he’s tiring of some of the discrimination; maybe it’s because Katya hasn’t been here to help him. But the other night, he sat down in front of us and told us flat out that he hated that we were a family of criminals - and he even went as far as saying that he wished I’d never killed the clan. That was months ago, of course, and he  _ does _ seem to be doing better now, but something’s definitely changed. Perhaps it has to do with his sister being gone. I’m not sure. He’s at least been taking more missions lately, and harder ones, too; he took an A-rank the other day and came back victorious, even if bruised and bleeding. I’d say I was proud, but you know he was barely handling B-ranks just recently. It’s worrisome. I have my suspicions, of course, but I can’t imagine he would . . . Nevermind. _

_ One more thing. This region has begun to become a lot rougher - the rain earlier this year has been making the terrain more dangerous, flooding the rivers and foundations of the town. Just the other day, a building slipped off the cinderblocks and nearly collapsed. It’s dangerous, and we haven’t been well-prepared to deal with it; it’s leaving us vulnerable. That’s why we’ve been taking so many more missions. I just wanted you to know. If you ever get out of the Land of Stone (we expect updates on that), we’d appreciate your help here. _

_ Ah, looks like Madara wants to write an addendum to this letter. I’m going to give the paper over to him, Dei. Keep safe, alright? Send us whatever news you can when you can. _

_ Itachi _

_ PS: Please take care of Katya. She was supposed to pass through the Land of Stone - I don’t want her to be traveling alone anymore if she can help it. After all, if she really is ill . . . _

 

After that, it ran into a familiar scrawl - Madara’s. I smiled, just a little bit, but my heart still felt like it was sinking. I read on and steeled myself for more bad news:

 

_ Dei, _

_ If you don’t send a message back to Natasha and Itachi, they’re going to leave me with the kid and go kick your ass, so PLEASE report back soon. I don’t want to deal with an angsty kid all on my own. _

 

. . . Okay, so not bad news at first. Geeze, my family was like a group of peas in a pod.

 

_ Look, I don’t want to rant on and on. I’m sure Itachi and Natasha have done enough of that. But of course, I’m going to warn you about more insurgents - Sea, Mountains, Rain, Lakes. You know the drill. Stop them if you can . . . You won’t have many advantages over them. They’re damn tough. _

_ Shisui’s fine - moody, but fine. Natasha and Itachi will be worrying sick over him, but he’s holding up, just gets moody when his sister is mentioned. He’s fine, really. Natasha hasn’t been sleeping; she’s getting moody, too. That woman reminds me of myself far too often, dammit. And Itachi is Itachi; trying to keep up with fatherhood and missions. You get the drill. _

_ Now, about Katya. _

_ If you let my darling granddaughter walk through the Land of Stone all on her own, I’ll grab you by the ponytail and drag you hair-first from Suna to Kiri. Don’t doubt I won’t. _

 

. . . Good to know he cared?

 

_ I have to stay here in the Land of Fields for a while so I can look over Shisui; with all the missions going on, Natasha and Itachi barely have time to sit. But I’ll leave when I can and try to meet up with you and Katya; after all, I deserve a chance to travel with her, too. To be honest, I’m surprised she left on her own; she should’ve waited. I guess I understand the reasons why, but it’s annoying to think she left without me. And on MY suggestion, too! Hold on a moment, I’m brought to tears . . . _

_ Okay, whatever, I get it. Awkward. Still, keep her safe, and keep your own ass safe too; I’m not coming all that way to peel your body off of a lonely road, you know. Just be careful. And come back in one piece so that way I don’t have to restrain Itachi and Natasha from killing you. _

_ Madara _

_ PS: Katya, if you’re reading this, I’ll be relieved. I hope that kodachi has been helping you, as well as the pendent-compass. Be careful. _

 

It was a lot to take in, that was for sure. I put my head in my hands and took a deep breath, in and out, and managed to still my hands enough to put them away without damaging anything. “When did you get these?” I asked.

“A few weeks ago,” he said. “I sent them another message, un, but they won’t have gotten it yet. Sylph was still pretty battered up when I let him go.”

“I hope he doesn’t get lost,” I worried.

“Well, there’s no helping it. Right now, it’s not safe for bird  _ or _ man here.”

“Why?”

“I’ll have to explain later,” he said, leaning over one side of the bird to look down. “That’s all. Now, what should I be looking for?”

“Harper,” I said, looking down with him. “He’s got dark hair and dark skin, but he’s on a horse, so-”

Suddenly, a wave of vertigo washed over me. I shut my eyes fast and gripped the back of Dei’s shirt, feeling myself shake.

His voice lifted. “Are you okay?”

“H-Heights,” was all I could say. The ground below had looked dark - so far, the trees like little green pills littering a dark brown table. It made me feel sick.

“We should land,” he said. “It’s taking too much chakra to keep this bird up, and I’m not ready to deal with the repercussions if we get spotted.”

“S-spotted?”

He didn’t answer, but within seconds, I felt our bird touch the ground. I waited for it to steady and nearly fell off, five feet above the ground, and landing on my arm with a wince.  _ Thankfully it wasn’t my bad arm _ , I thought, and I got to my hands and knees. Luckily, Deidara was at my side in an instant.

“You  _ are _ hurt, un,” he accused.

I looked to my other arm. It’d scarred over, of course, and it no longer bled, but the color was still a deep, raw red. “It’s fine,” I said as I forced myself to sit up. “It’s been like this for a while. I’m alright.”

When I looked up, he still seemed worried. “Are you sure?”

“Of course.”

“Well,” he sighed. “If you say-”

“Katya!”

I heard the horse clopping closer and looked up, and in seconds, I scrambled to my feet as Harper approached, quickly getting off his horse. “Harper!” I ran over and put a hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay?!”

“Yeah,” He said, nodding. “Are you?”

“Had a small asthma attack, but I’m fine,” I shook my head. “Where did you go? After that explosion, I totally lost you.”

“I rode northwest - I guess you headed for the treeline,” he said, sighing. Then he looked to Dei; “Who’s he?”

“My uncle,” I said, turning to him. “Deidara, this is-”

Deidara was giving me a strange look, and I felt my stomach sink.

Then, he asked; “Who are you talking to?”


	25. Chapter 25

We spent a long half-hour trying everything we could to make Deidara see Harper, including giving him blips of chakra, making Shisui use his jutsu, even slapping him upside the head. But nothing seemed to work; he was still unable to see Harper. “You need to believe me,” I insisted, picking at my ninja band worriedly. “I’m not crazy, I swear. I don’t know why you can’t see him, but-”

“Katya, I’m friends with a supposedly-dead man and a lady who saved her lover by expelling his illness and falling comatose. I’ve seen enough crazy shit to believe you, hn,” he shook his head. “We should make camp. It’s beginning to get late.”

It was; the sun had started setting, casting an eerie orange glow over the land. Deidara led us back into the forest, wincing as he walked on; it took me a while to realize was the issue was. There were thistles and brambles littering the forest floor, of course, but those hadn’t bothered me at all; my boots were wearing thin, but they were strong and held up to the debris. But then I noticed what the problem was: Deidara was barefoot. His typical shoes were gone, and his feet were callused and red, as if he’d been walking without them for a while.

“You’re going to get an infection,” I muttered.

“Hm? He asked without turning to look at me.

“N-Nothing.”

Harper looked at me as we moved deeper into the forest and voiced a thought: “Why are we going so deep in?”

“Good question, Harper,” I said, and then I raised my voice. “Dei, why do we need to travel so far to make camp?”

Deidara stopped and looked up at the tree canopy. I looked up with him - the sky was beginning to look purple and dark blue; I could see bits of it chopped up in the canopy. “I’m waiting to get to a denser part of forest,” he said. “I saw a bit of it further in. Just keep following, alright?”

I rolled my eyes to Harper, and he rolled his right back. But minutes later, Deidara finally said we could stop, and soon, we’d gathered firewood and readied it for timber. While Harper took care of our things, I knelt across from Dei as he tried to light the fire, the flint in his hands looking worn.

“I could light it with my jutsu,” I pointed out.

He shook his head. “Your asthma,” he said.

“The fire doesn’t bother me. Speaking of,” I said as I remembered the scene from before. “How did you know what to do? My mom and dad didn’t know anything about my treatment.”

“I had childhood asthma,” he said, swearing as he got a spark only to watch it die. “Never got it diagnosed, at least not until I got a team and Onoki pointed it out.”

“Did it ever go away?”

“Yeah. Flares up sometimes, but very rarely now. Haven’t had to carry any medication with me for a while.”

“Lucky,” I said, and finally sighed as I watched another shoddy spark die due to Dei’s poor attempts. “Just- wait,” I shook my head and made a few handsigns, and in seconds, I was breathing a small flame into the wood and watching as it lit up the small clearing we’d settled in. I stopped and waved my hand in front of my mouth, clearing the smoke in front of my face.

Dei stared up at me and almost smirked. “Damn, Katya. Last time we’d talked-”

“About a year ago, before you left to travel again, and I told you I only used jutsu for defense,” I rolled my eyes and sat back, watching the flames catch onto the kindling and fuel. “Traveling- well, it makes things different, I think. I still stand by what I said, by the way.”

“Yet you had no qualms killing the man from before,” he said, looking at the kodachi at my hip. “Speaking of, that’s probably bloody now. Might want to clean it. It’s from Madara, right?”

I shuddered. “Thanks for the reminder,” I said nastily. “Not like I wanted to remember it.” Still, I drew out the blade and wiped it off on the grass as Harper approached and sat down, running hands through his hair.

Deidara stiffened; he looked around, eyes landing on the horse, and said, “When the hell did we get a horse?”

I sighed. “Th-That’s Harper’s.”

“He saw my horse?” Harper raised a brow.

“Yeah,” I answered.

Harper shook his head. “Great. He can see a four-legged creature whose purpose is basically the same as a pack mule’s, but he can’t see me. Why did I come along with you again?”

“Because you’re a  _ pessimist _ ,” I said, leaning over to whack him in the arm, “And you decided to start  _ living again _ .”

“Great choice that was,” he said. I wasn’t sure if he was joking or not, but I smiled a little anyway.

Deidara looked to me with another raised brow. “I’ll assume you were talking to Mr. Ghost over there,” he said.

“ _ Rude _ ,” Harper said. “But while we’re playing the questions game, Katya, can you ask him why the hell there was a border guard? I think it’s time for answers.”

I repeated the question back to Dei. To my surprise, Deidara actually leaned back against the tree behind him and sighed; while he’d been ageless just like my parents and Madara, I was surprised to see bags under his eyes, weariness pulling at his form, and it seemed to me that he appeared to be his age for a few seconds, like he really was forty-something and past his prime. But in instants, I saw his youthful appearance again, and I watched him rub at his eyes with a groan.

“You two,” he finally said, “Shouldn’t be here.”

I felt it like a kick to the chest. “H-Hey,” I protested quietly, and I stared at my knees and fiddling with a loose threat of my shorts and tried not to feel hurt. Even still, I felt my eyes water, and suddenly my buoyant mood from earlier sank. He didn’t want me around? Was I in the way? Deidara always preferred to travel alone, I knew, but . . .  _ Ugh _ .

“It’s the truth, un,” he said, oblivious to my hurt feelings as I felt tears run down my face. “It’s just not a good time. When I got the letters from Natasha and Itachi, I hoped that they were wrong, or that you’d have the sense to go through Ame and Grass instead of coming up here.”

“But-” I shut my eyes. I remembered, sickeningly, that Harper and I  _ had _ talked about that. He’d suggested it himself. And what had I said?  _ It’s too dangerous _ . We could’ve  _ avoided _ Amegakure - we could’ve been safer from whatever the hell was going on here. Why didn’t I  _ think _ ? Why didn’t I listen to him?

Suddenly I heard Harper get to his feet, and I looked up and saw - and heard - the cracking of his knuckles.

“This bastard is glad I can’t affect him,” he said, “Because he deserves a punch in the face.”

“ _ Harper _ !” I burst out. He turned and glared at me.

“You just had an asthma attack! You had to kill a man to get in here, and then we got separated. And that was for  _ nothing _ ?” he gestured to me and shook his head. “You’re even crying, now.”

Fuck.  _ That _ was embarrassing, when he put it like that. I rubbed at my eyes and said, “But he’s my  _ uncle _ . And you were right and I was wrong, and-”

“Who the hell said that we were in the wrong? We still don’t know what’s going on,” he said, crossing his arms and glaring at Dei. “Tell him he’s a pitiful excuse for an uncle. And then tell him to explain what’s going on. Now.”

“You have no patience,” I told him, even if it sounded pitiful to my ears.

“I have no patience for my friends getting hurt. Just ask my parents how many times I’ve drop-kicked little kids to protect my siblings.”

. . . Okay, that was a little too much information, but I’d take it.

Deidara suddenly caught my attention again with another big sigh. “Can you please clue me in again? I can only hear one side to whatever’s going on, un.”

I swallowed - and then I found my mouth running. “Harper thinks you’re an ass,” I said, “And he wants to know what’s going on, now.”

Dei’s eye - the only one I could see - widened in shock. And, um, I think I might’ve done the same thing.

Gosh, I didn’t think I was  _ that _ hurt.

Deidara frowned. “Your friend sure is mouthy,” he said irritably.

“And he’s also getting impatient,” I said as I saw Harper take a threatening step closer to Dei. Pointless, but it made a point to me.

“Fine, fine!” Deidara tossed his hands in the air and sighed. “What do you know about the situation right now?”

“The Tsujikage is dead,” I said. “You said as much. A man named Onoki, one of your teachers? Also, there’s crazy-ass border protection.”

“Good enough,” Deidara shrugged. “Simple story is this: the new tsujikage is a dictator. It was fine for the first few months, but then I started hearing rumors. I keep up on this place, you know,” he said, and then added, “I began to hear that the people were beginning to get hungry, and that genin were beginning to be mass-trained in larger groups. And then I heard that Iwagakure was beginning to train all of its citizens, and the people who couldn’t be ninjas were being deported to other towns.”

“Sounds like they want a higher number of ninjas,” I said.

“Yes, well, it gets worse,” he said. “I was in Suna when I heard, but rumor is that the new tsujikage is - well - an Akatsuki insurgent.”

I saw Harper start, his whole form suddenly tensing up. “One of the Akatsuki insurgents?!” he asked. I repeated his shocked reply.

“Yeah, or so we think, un. I came back to try and figure out what was going on, but then people were starting to rebel and fight against the shinobi. There’s been rioting in Iwagakure for months; those who can’t travel that far have been trapped in their villages. So I, along with some other groups, have been moving around to try and take care of the people.”

“Including supplies?” I asked, looking at his bare and red-raw feet.

“Yeah, supplies included,” he said. He saw my gaze and shook his head, covering the bare toes of one foot with his hand. “Don’t worry,” he said, “This has been recent. Lady needed a new pair of shoes and I wore the same size.”

“They could get infected,” I said, shaking my head. “Let me look at them later.”

“Fine,” he said, shrugging. “But that’s really it. People are rebelling against terrible conditions and ninjas are being trained into missions they don’t want, so everybody’s split - insurgents versus rebels. We’re sort of at a standstill right now,” he added, “And it’s been like this for months. I’ve been here since November, but apparently it’s been like this for much longer. What’s worse is that so many of the ninjas  _ prefer _ this tsujikage, as if we hadn’t been fighting against his like twenty years ago. And the ninjas that disagree, they’re either put under genjutsu and made to cooperate, or killed.”

I bit my lower lip. “That’s horrible . . .”

At least I knew, now, why Deidara had said what he did; it really  _ wasn’t _ safe. It was dangerous, especially for a standstill, and it sounded like there was a lot to be done. I’d never seen a truly war-torn nation; I was too young to remember the war anyway, and I only had dim memories of the recovery process.

So then I’d be walking through a battlefield . . .

Harper suddenly spoke up, finally sitting down again next to me. “There aren’t many options from here, huh?” he asked me.

“I guess not,” I said. He nodded, as if he could see the worry on my face.

“Our options are to try and get out again and make our way through Amegakure and Grass on our own,” he said, “Or pass through the Land of Stone until we reach Waterfall.”

“But who knows what Ame is like?” I asked. I pinched my brows in worry. “The Land of Rain has never been very stable; that’s what my parents always told me. And the conditions down there could be very different from up here. At least here we know what to expect.”

“We know more what to see down there. Amegakure doesn’t sound so bad when you hear about this stuff,” he said, but I shook my head.

“Deidara knows the lay of the land. If he could lead us through, he could help us get to the border faster. We could even use one of his clay birds.”

“Is that safe?”

“I’ve flown on his birds all the time,” I said, but then I had a vision of seeing the ground so far below and felt myself turn green again. Stupid heights.

“I don’t know,” Harper said finally, sighing. “Maybe if we got him to drop us off in Grass-”

“But then that’s pointless; we’d have to most likely cross back into Stone again to get to Waterfall,” I pointed out.

Harper snapped, “Well, I don’t fancy traveling the whole way with a guy who can’t see me, so sorry for seeming so opposed to the idea!”

I winced and pulled back on reflex. I’d forgotten, again - traveling with Harper was  _ not _ like traveling with somebody else. People couldn’t see him; he had to rely on me for anything he said to get noticed. And he brought up a good point - while it might be easier to travel through Stone, it wouldn’t be comfortable for him. He’d spend a long portion of it ignored.

That’s not why he’d come along.

I sighed and looked to Deidara. “I’m sorry, Dei, we’re just at an impasse. Harper and I-”

I stopped. Deidara had a funny look on his face, as if he was mulling something over, or as if he’d eaten something sour. I opened my mouth to ask him what was wrong, but he raised a hand (the tongue sticking out at me) and reached up to part his bangs away from his left eye. “Sorry, I’m a fucking  _ idiot _ ,” he said as he revealed the lens attached to the left side of his face and pulled it away, revealing both eyes. “I should’ve thought- if this is  _ genjutsu _ -”

“Oh!” I bit my lip and saw his pupil contract, perhaps because of his anti-genjutsu trick working, and I prayed upon a hope and hoped upon a prayer-

And then Deidara leapt up and back, as if stung.

“Holy  _ shit _ ! There WAS another guy with you!”

Harper stiffened; so did I, jaw fallen, and the next thing anybody could say was:

“HEY! Did you seriously doubt her enough to think she could come up with all of those good comments on her own?!”

And then I was giving Harper a  _ serious _ noogie and hearing Dei laugh, in disbelief, that I had been telling the  _ truth _ .

_ With that fixed _ , I thought,  _ I guess we’re traveling through Stone. _ I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.


	26. Chapter 26

We traveled mostly at night, keeping at once close and away from the border. Deidara always led; we had to listen to his advice the entire way, which both reassured and worried me. It was pure luck that he didn’t ask us to leave the horse behind as we traveled; he mentioned, more than once, that it was a risk to let the animal tag along, but Harper insisted that it belonged with us at least to carry our supplies, and that seemed to calm him enough to let us keep the horse alive.

It was lucky we had Hashi, too, because it was the easiest way to get food as we traveled first through dense forest, then rocky plains and into deep valleys surrounded by stalagmites arching from the ground. More than once, I found Hashi flying away from his place on my arm only to find him later, farther ahead, with a kill between his claws. The kills were getting bigger, too, at least from an animal perspective; even still, the animals were thin, as if they were all starving.

“I’m not surprised, hm. The animals were getting better with Onoki in charge, but now they’re beginning to die off again,” he said when I asked him about it. “We’re not particularly protective of our wildlife, like the other nations are. Especially Konoha - I’ve never seen so much life there.”

“Don’t forget the smaller countries too,” Harper pointed out as we walked. “They have incredible wildlife too. Rumors have it they’re finding a lot more life there, even some more summon animals.”

“Oh, summons . . .” I bit my lip. “I’ve never had a summon before. What about you two?”

“No,” Deidara shook his head. “Itachi summons crows, and I think Madara can summon falcons, but I don’t have a summon, and neither does Natasha. Wouldn’t know about your brother, though.”

“I have a summon,” Harper said.

I whipped around to face him. “You do?! That’s so cool!”

“Yeah, well,” he reached back and rubbed his neck, looking away. “I just summon otters. They’re not very friendly and some of them have attitudes.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” he said. “One of them called me a cock-sucking bastard once, just because I’d pulled him away from his favorite watering hole. That was probably the hardest battle of my life, too. He wouldn’t listen to a damn thing I said.”

I laughed hard, clutching my gut, and he laughed along with me too. But in the process, I didn’t notice Deidara staring at us, and thus couldn’t stop him from drawing conclusions.

 

***

 

Eventually, we made it into a village, and I began to realize just how serious everything was.

The people were . . .  _ Gods _ , they were so emancipated and thin that it was scary to look at them. The children looked like they were built of twigs and bone; the adults had paled and started hanging their skins on their skeletal forms like laundry out to dry. It was horrifying; when we approached and I saw the first people in the streets, I gasped on impulse and hid behind Deidara like I was a child.

Dei looked over his shoulder at me and frowned. “They won’t hurt you, un.”

“Th-That’s not what I’m upset about,” I whispered hoarsely.

Harper sighed. “You’re such a kid, Katya.”

“I don’t c-care,” I muttered, even as I felt water rise painfully to my eyes. “C-Can we- I just want to-”

“Let’s keep moving,” Deidara said, and I thanked him with silence.

I couldn’t relax. The town around us looked like it was ready to topple or else disperse into dust and ash, and the people looked even worse for wear. Many people seemed to sit outside, in the streets; they held threadbare blankets around their shoulders and huddled together, holding out hands for extra change and food and whatever else we could spare. So many of them approached us and threw their bodies at our feet, but though I wanted to stop for each and every one of them, Deidara insisted that we keep moving.

There was one group he couldn’t stop me from gaping at, though. Three children, all under the age of six, almost crawled over with dirty faces and matted hair, their eyes watery and blue. They were siblings - that much was obvious - and they had pale streaks down their faces where tears had washed away grime and dirt. Just their piercing looks, looks of hunger and malnourishment, broke down all of my defenses; I had to stop in the middle of the road, staring back at them.

“Katya,” Deidara said, grabbing my arm. “We need to go, un.”

“N-Not until-” I shook my head and pulled away, and I slung my backpack from off my shoulder. The children stared at me dimly; they seemed to be completely unaware of anything but me, my hand in my bag as I reached around for something,  _ something _ , to give the poor children.

Finally, I pulled out a loaf of bread and a skin of water, and I knelt and held them out for them. The tallest - the oldest kid, I assumed - stepped forward warily, hands outstretched to keep his siblings behind him, as he looked between me and the food in my hands. I swallowed and nodded; “They’re for you,” I said. “It’s the least I can do.”

I saw the kid’s throat shift with a gulp, and I realized - they didn’t believe me. They thought I was going to spit in their faces.

“Take it,” I said, holding it out further, so my bag dragged against the ground and my back hurt from the posture. But the boy, he just looked back up to me and held out shaky hands, readying to take the offerings from me, still wary that I was going to pull away.

I held his eyes and didn’t let them go until he’d taken the bread and the water from my hands.

A hand on my shoulder. “Katya,” Harper said above me. “We have to go.” But I wanted to stay so badly, watching those kids as they broke their bread and sat down and the three of them set about tearing into it, like they were little starved things, and it tore my heart into pieces. I put a hand to my chest and slowly let Harper pull me up, and once I’d adjusted my bag, I let him pull me away, back to Deidara.

Deidara looked at me, and he must’ve noticed I was crying, because he smoothed his annoyed expression into one of patience as I tried to steady my broken heart. “It happens,” he said, shaking his head. “You can’t save them all. Eventually, you just have to stop trying or start doing bigger and better things.”

I knew he was right. But the pieces of my heart thudded otherwise.

 

***

 

Later that evening, after we’d left town and into another thatch of woods, I sat down next to Dei and helped him stoke the fire as Harper walked off with Hashi on his shoulder to hunt. “Let me do it,” he’d insisted when I tried to follow. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost. You should sit down and relax.”

Maybe I had seen ghosts, I wondered as I watched him retreat into the woods. Maybe those children had been half-ghosts anyway, so much like Harper himself.

Still, I settled next to Dei and watched him attempt to light a fire again, his useless flint clashing together like battle-hardened swords. I shut my eyes and sighed, rubbing at them as they ached. “You should really let me do that,” I said.

“You’ve been lighting the fires ever since we started traveling. It’s my turn, un,” he insisted. I could only sigh in return, really; he was being ridiculous, but I’d never prove him of that. “We’re approaching the tri-section of border between Stone, Rain, and Grass, un. We’re moving faster than I thought.”

“Probably because we have the horse,” I suggested. He shook his head.

“It’s more than that, un. Maybe it’s because you’ve been accustoming to travel so much more,” he shrugged. “Anyways, I’d like to remind you that you’re sort of working into my time, anyways. This is a bit of a detour, y’know.”

“Where were you going, anyway?” I asked.

“Well, I’d been  _ planning _ on going to Iwagakure before I got your parents’ messages. There’s a ton of work to be done there, with the city practically shut down at this point. I’d been on my way there from up north when Sylph finally found me, and then I figured it’d be best to go look for you. You’re lucky I was at the border when you came rushing in; gave me the chance to both steal supplies and get you the hell out of there.”

“What did you do with those supplies, anyway?” I asked.

“Gave them to a group of fellow ‘terrorists’ to distribute. Told them I’d be a while. We agreed to meet up in Iwa when I finished with my personal business, and then I went and found you,” he said, but he must’ve noticed my face had frozen in a mask of fear, and his eyes suddenly went wide. “Shit, wait, I mean-”

“You’re working with  _ terrorists _ ?!”

“Fuck,” he swore and shook his head. “I meant, uhh,  _ treasurists _ , un! Like, treasure hunters! You know-”

“Come on, Dei!” I glared at him and spat out the words. “I thought you promised Mom you’d stop doing that stuff!”

“What?!” he shook his head. “Since when?!”

“Several years ago! You and Mom had gotten into an argument when you came home from a rebellion in the Land of Crabs, and you promised to stop all of it! I was ten years old and heard all of it while you argued in the backyard and I hid the bushes! Gosh, Dei!” I groaned. “When I get home, I am  _ so _ telling on you!”

“Hey, whoa, no need to overreact, un!” he shook his head. “Look, I know I made that promise, okay?! But it’s not what you think. I haven’t been bombing  _ anybody _ , at least not without a valid reason!”

“What valid reason  _ is _ there? To defend others?!”

“Yeah, and to break the control of the government. I told you how things were, un!” he said. “And if you’re telling Natasha that I’m doing this, I’m telling her that you got a boyfriend!”

“WHAT?!” I screetched.

“Hey, it’s not like it’s a secret!” he cut back. “And by the way, the way you were looking at those kids-”

I could’ve retched. “Harper and I are  _ not _ dating!” I nearly screamed. “Dei, just- no!”

“How am I supposed to know that?!” he asked, putting his face in his hands. “ _ God _ , before you two go, I’m giving that Harper guy a condom.”

“DEI!”

He huffed and turned away, and I did the same in turn. It was getting chilly anyway, and he  _ still _ hadn’t lit the fire; he’d been distracted arguing. I heard him striking the stones again and, after long minutes, could feel chill setting in.  _ God, he’s useless with that thing _ , I thought, so I finally turned back to him and knocked his hands away.

“Just- let me,” I finally said, and I made the handsigns and set the logs aflame with a well-taken burst of flames. The wood took to it quickly; the bark singed away, and the lumber took to a slow burn, one that made the chill under my skin scamper away in fear. I sighed and laid back again, and I saw Deidara do that same after putting away the flint with a grumble of, “Stupid, angry niece.”

We were silent for a few minutes - a few minutes of hearing squirrels running around in the trees and leaves rustling against each other in discord. The silence was impossible to bear; with Dei, it always was. He wasn’t Deidara without some amount of outrageous noise and hasty assumptions.

Finally, I broke the silence. “. . . If it’s not just bombing, then,” I asked, “What  _ else _ have you been doing?”

I heard him shift, sigh. “Propaganda art,” He said quietly. “Been making it and pasting it up as quickly as I can, un. Was easier to do when I had a larger group to move with, but I had to put it down helping you guys. I hope you’re happy.”

I rubbed at my temples. “Happy is not the word,” I said, “But I appreciate the help all the same, so thank you. What kind of propaganda? I thought you could just work with clay.”

“Oh, that’s not all I can do, un!” he finally looked back over at me, and I to him, and I recognized that familiar flare of light in his eyes that he got whenever he got excited about anything (mostly his art). “Back before I was a ninja,” he said, “I drew with charcoal all the time! Just the way that I could control it - blacks to grays and whites to black, it was  _ amazing _ . I could leave any number of people awestruck by my work, even if I just scribbled for a few minutes in the dirt. It was a great way to earn a meal, but once I got older, I started making more dangerous art. Art that criticized our dirty tactics and unhonorable ways of living, and I was given a headband and told to shut up just so I would stop making it. That was before Onoki was the Hokage, of course,” he said. “Anyways, I got pretty good at it after a while, but I sort of put it down after running away. Picked it up a little bit after getting into the Akatsuki and then dropped it again when we ran.”

“And then started again when you got here,” I filled in.

“Right, well, explosive clay doesn’t make as much of a visual mark as charcoal,” he rolled his eyes. “I used to know a guy - well, he was my Danna, I guess, but we weren’t friends, un - and he always had this thing about eternity and the lastingness of art and all of that bullshit. Never agreed with him on anything, but yeah, he’d totally talk my ear off about ‘I was right all along’ and ‘art has to last as an eternal message to the people’ or whatever. Either way,” he shrugged. “He’s still an asshole, and he’s an idiot. My art gets ripped down days after I put it up.”

I shifted back and forth nervously. “Um,” I started, “I’m sorry?”

“Oh, no! I love it. Proves him wrong after all, and proves that I  _ am _ making an impact, un. I’m still right, after all these years. I even outlived him!” he laughed, but I didn’t have a good thing to say to that.

A rustling in the bushes distracted us, and then Harper emerged with a sigh and a few birds hanging from his fist while Hashi stood on his shoulder. “Sorry about taking so long,” he said as he put down the meat. “Hashi was looking pretty furiously, but there just aren’t many birds around here, and of course  _ he _ had to eat too, and- . . . Deidara? You’re scaring me?”

I froze, and I saw Deidara get to his feet. “Oh, right, about that,” he said introductionally, and I swallowed and nervously began to realize what he was going to say, and I found myself thinking  _ please, don’t, please don’t Deidara _ -

“Good to see you here, Harper,” he said, “But I’m going to need to talk to the two of you about your relationship before you go getting funny ideas.”

. . . Oh, he did.

I  _ hated _ it when he did that.


	27. Chapter 27

“For the  _ last time _ ,” Harper ground out over the sizzling of meat over the fire, “We are  _ not dating _ .”

“Oh please, un. I’ve lived long enough to know that a man and woman living together is a sign of  _ something _ going on.”

“Or, y’know, a sign of people being  _ friends _ !” I snapped at him. “Gosh, I thought when you were with the Akatsuki-”

“He used to be an Akatsuki member?” Harper interrupted with a wry look.

I shot him a glare. “Long story, he’s a good guy now,” I said, “But  _ anyways _ , didn’t the bunch of you occupy a single base for a while? With, what, a one-to-six ratio? And from what I heard, there weren’t a bunch of orgies going on, unless my mother has been  _ lying _ to me!”

“That was different. We were together for different reasons. And anyways, until Madara turned up, your mother worked  _ alone _ .”

“Why?! Wasn’t that risky-”

“She didn’t like anyone at the base,” he said flatly, “And it kept her out of trouble, at least!”

Harper groaned and put his face into his hands. “You are such a misogynistic-”

“WHAT WAS THAT?!” Dei shot back.

I groaned as well. “Please, no fighting,” I pleaded.

“Fine, fine,  _ whatever _ ,” Harper rolled his eyes. “It doesn’t matter. We’re not dating.”

Dei raised a brow. “But you could in the future.”

I thought I was going to turn green and hurl. I felt bad for just a moment thinking that before seeing that Harper was looking the same way, reassuring me at least a little bit that he felt the same way.

“ _ We are not dating _ ,” Harper finally ground out, “And we’re never going to. We’re friends, that’s all. She was helping me with the genjutsu attached to my body and I agreed to travel with her for that reason. It’s platonic.  _ Platonic _ . Nothing else, got it?”

Dei rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. I sighed and just repeated what Harper said.

“We really are just friends, Dei,” I said. “I’m not attracted to him at all, nor him to me.”

“And if it helps,” Harper pointed out, “I’m pan, and I lean more towards men anyway. So there.”

. . . I was such an idiot. I looked up at him at the same time as Dei, both of our brows creased, probably, and we both said the same thing:

“You’re attracted to frying pans?”

He let out an angry sigh again and replaced his face in his hands. “You two are insufferable,” he said.

“What?!” Deidara crossed his arms defensively. “I’m not opposed to it or anything, especially with the company I keep, but  _ pans _ ? You couldn’t at least go for a skillet or two?”

“Fine! I’ll call it omnisexual, then!” he snapped, and then he reached forward and grabbed one of the pieces of bird over the fire and shook its stick, the fats hitting the fire with hisses. “It just means that I like people regardless of sex or gender,” he said. “But in my case, I prefer  _ dudes _ . Y’know. Dicks.”

I shut my eyes. “Well, that was one way to put it,” I said.

“At least we agree on that though,” Deidara muttered, but seeing as I didn’t even know what he  _ meant _ , I just ignored it.

“Regardless,” Harper sighed and just collected the sticks of meat from the flames, passing them to Dei and I before taking his own. “I can promise you, Mr. Deidara, that I have no interest in your niece. Our personalities just clash far too much for it to work out, really. And anyways, she reminds me too much of my younger siblings for me to really connect with her in that way.”

Younger siblings? “What’s that supposed to mean?!” I asked with a pout.

“You know what I meant,” He sighed.

“Oh, whatever, un,” Deidara said with a sigh. “So you like dicks, at least. Gives the two of you something to agree on, I guess, as long as it doesn’t go farther than  _ that _ .”

His comment made me stop with my lips halfway to my food, but neither Harper nor Deidara seemed to notice, occupied with their own meals and not with the previous comments. But I couldn’t help but notice my own pause, nor keep my thoughts from wandering to two of the ladies I’d meant on my journey, one a medic and the other the daughter of an apothecary woman . . .

I shook my head and sank my teeth into well-cooked meat, trying to ignore my thoughts.

 

***

 

I couldn’t escape them forever, though, because we eventually hunkered down for the night and rolled ourselves up in our blankets and started to fall asleep separately and soundly. Dei was the first to pass out, of course, and though he snored loudly, it didn’t seem to bother Harper, whose soundless breaths echoed in sync minutes later. Normally, I never had a problem trying to sleep with somebody snoring nearby - Shisui, on some nights, snored as well, though he had some kind of sleep apnea that woke me whenever he  _ stopped _ snoring.

But. I couldn’t sleep.

Thoughts kept running rampant through my mind, of course; thoughts about the starvation I had seen and the poverty and abuse and all of it, really, the whole village we’d been through. Deidara, too, was trapped in my head - the way he’d returned to bombing to rock around a government who’d, essentially, taken side with the Akatsuki. And that was undeniable at that point - the Akatsuki really  _ was _ back, in some meager way, taking the side of a man long-dead. And it was  _ good _ that Deidara was fighting against it (even if my mother would kill him for it), but it was a worrisome thought, and one that nearly gutted me.

But there was more than that.

Like the fact that the moment Dei had suggested any kind of relationship of mine with Harper, on a romantic level, I nearly lost my lunch.

Or the fact that when they assumed I was straight, something in my gut clenched.

_ I’m surrounded by people who defy the norm _ , I thought as I rolled over to try and get comfortable. But it was true: my own mother, even, had thought herself to be a lesbian from the time she was thirteen until she began dating my dad. My father had been known to take on a feminine role to please her with no complaints; Deidara, from what I’d heard from my family, seemed to straddle the issue, if he even touched it at all. And then, of course, there was Madara, who had been with the First Hokage before he was led into darkness by hate and agony . . .

I tossed myself onto my back and rubbed at my eyes, then spread my arms as I looked through the canopy to the narrow view of stars above.

. . . It was so strange that I was always expected to be the normal one, even amongst such a family.

_ I  _ am _ straight, though, even if my family is varied so readily in that department _ , I thought, but for the first time, I began to have conscious doubts. Before, they’d all been so quiet in my mind, the feelings I got around Tsunade and the apothecary lady, the way they made me feel raw and unsteady on the inside. I’d been trying to tell myself that they were just because of the caring or strength of them, or even on their pure  _ beauty _ that I’d never have, not in a million years. And maybe that was part of the appeal, was their strength or their appearance, but wasn’t that what I admired in my friends? My own  _ family _ ?

_ I’ve been raised to admire the power of others _ , I thought,  _ as well as the power I have the potential to possess. _ That was true - I knew that. Not a day passed where I didn’t worry about getting stronger, to the point where my own appearance was neglected into tangled layers and bruised skin - just like I’d seen in the mirror at that beauty shop in Konoha.

I’d done it for free  _ food _ , of all things.

. . . What kind of a woman was I?

I shut my eyes against the lights in the sky.  _ There is no shame in admiring other women, even lusting after them _ , I thought, but ooh, the way it stung me, to think that it would’ve been another thing to separate me from the norm. I had criminal heritage; I was eighteen and a well-trained jonin. I was a traveler. I was foreign. I traveled with a male companion, with a falcon, with an illness that, nearly twice now, could’ve proven fatal.

Was my appearance, my sexual interest, going to push me away again?

_ There could be so much more to this _ , I finally thought with a sigh.  _ I haven’t seen the whole world yet. There’s so much more to see. I’m not even halfway through this journey, and there are so many more people to see. The men of the north, the men of the ocean. The women of them, too. Maybe . . . Maybe that could provide some clarity. Or- or I could go home, ask my mom. She’d always know the answer, and if she didn’t, she’d be honest with her thoughts. _

Home. Mom. Dad. I squeezed my eyes and lifted my hands, and I rubbed at them, but I felt them ache with tears and ache with something hidden and I whimpered and rolled onto my front, curling in on myself and covering my face, with the useless hope that nobody would see me cry, that nobody would realize that for the first time in months, I’d become homesick, from nothing more than the angsts of love and lust and appearance.

_ I’m not normal _ , I finally thought.  _ I. Am. Not. Normal. _

A sob broke free from my chest. And a light touch brushed my free shoulder.

I opened my eyes and sat up fast, as if expecting an enemy; the silhouette in front of me, though, didn’t move at all, but I still couldn’t see who it was with the backlighting of the fire. My eyes searched through the dark, desperately, blindly - and I finally caught the frayed edges of a waist-high shirt, fluttering in some absent wind, and I knew who it was. Harper.

“Are you okay?” he whispered.

I’d woken him. Dammit, not only was I feeling worthless, but I’d woken him to my tears too. Dammit. “I-I’m  _ fine _ ,” I insisted, but really, it didn’t help that I sobbed right after the statement.

This wasn’t my night.

“I’m going to go ahead and say that was a fruitless lie,” he said as he shifted from kneeling to sitting, legs crossed like a pretzel. Then, I saw his eyes shift to take in Deidara’s form in the darkness.

I took a deep breath and tried to calm my sobbing. I pulled the blanket tight around me form and just shook my head to the gaze. “He’s a deep sleeper,” I said.

“Right,” he nodded, then looked back to me. “Nightmares?”

“No,” I said. “Haven’t had one of those since I left home back in February.”

“Since February? Really?” he asked.

“It was when I finally decided to become a ninja for real. What my purpose with it was, I guess.”

He smirked, just slightly. “Oh, yeah, I remember. To help pessimistic dead men to the light.”

I reached out and thwacked him on the arm. “That’s not what I mean, stupid.”

“You’re the stupid one,” he said with a smirk, one that faded moments later. “Seriously, though; what’s wrong? It’s late. I thought you were going to sleep.”

“I tried,” I shook my head. “Too many thoughts.”

“Aah, the too-many-thoughts conundrum,” he said. “Any you’d like to share with the class?”

“. . . Mostly just . . . Home,” I admitted. “And, well, with the  _ earlier _ conversation. My mom, well, she’d be able to clarify so much of what I’m thinking about. After all-”

“You like women,” he filled in.

I gifted him a glare. “I haven’t  _ quite _ decided that,” I said.

“Well, it’s pretty clear that’s one aspect,” he said, shrugging. “After what happened with the shop girl-”

“Look, I just . . .” I lowered my head and buried my face in my knees. Why was it so hard to admit it in my mind, yet so easy to admit it to  _ him _ ? “My family - nobody in it is normal. One of them is a known mass murderer. Another is a trademarked lesbian who risked her own life to save a man she’d known since she was ten. My godfather’s supposed to be dead, yet is kicking with life; my uncle has returned to terrorist bombing and propaganda posting. And then my brother . . .”

. . . Had no explanation.

I sighed.

“I’m just not normal, Harper. After all this time, all this travel, I just wish I was  _ normal _ .”

He didn’t respond to that, at least not initially. He let me just keep my face down, hair cascading over my shoulders and around my face to cover it from view, and watched me (presumably) as I tried, desperately, not to start crying again.

After a few moments, I felt him put his arms around me, a gesture I allowed only because I was cold and the fire was going down and he was my friend, a friend I needed in the absence of my family.

“Katya?” he said. “Nobody is normal, nobody in the whole world. And while you’re circumstances are unique, that doesn’t make you any stranger than the rest of the world.”

 

***

 

I promised a few minutes later that I was okay, that I was ready to fall asleep again, so Harper wished me good night and crawled back to his bed covers, breathing steadily in moments. It didn’t take me long to fall asleep either; the tears had fixed my insomnia problem.

But I dreamed of myself in a black and red yukata, running through the forest with bare feet as the people of the past - Lady Tsunade, the mixed family in the Land of Wind, my own brother - chased after me. All the while, I tripped along with my hair catching at every branch and piece of bark I passed, painfully pulling my scalp.

And as I ran, I reached out a hand - a hand to the distant form of my mother.

When I woke up later, with a barely-repressed scream, I realized it’d been the first nightmare I’d faced since leaving home.


	28. Chapter 28

The next day was October the sixteenth, and the day was goddamn dreary, which made my forgetting of the date initially pretty good. Meant I couldn’t pin the events of the day fully until later.

We left shortly after I woke from my nightmare, with Deidara and Harper adamantly insisting that they’d been awake for a long while and they hadn’t even noticed anything out of the norm while I slept, while I decided to disbelieve them entirely. Good friends, they were; good  _ liars _ , they were not.

It was good that we left early anyways, though. Around noontime (by our guesses, because we couldn’t actually see the sun to tell), it began to lightly drizzle, and once I began to complain about getting wet (not my favorite thing), Deidara began telling us of the upcoming village.

“It’s one of the least affected villages yet,” he said. “My group has been spending a lot of time donating supplies to the people there. There are a bunch of rebels there too, un, making it a safe place to send messages and belongings along.”

“Wouldn’t that make it a primary target, though?” Harper asked.

“Nobody’s learned about it yet,” Deidara insisted. “It’s been kept pretty quiet. Besides, most of the people are actually women, children, and the elderly. Those who aren’t are wounded ninja who couldn’t do a thing even before Onoki died.”

“Are they the rebels you’re talking about?” I asked.

He nodded. “You’d be surprised at how much people can do when they’re motivated. Buddhism teaches that the path to enlightenment is individual, but seeing a group like them work together, it’s far more fulfilling, un.”

“It’s ‘fulfilling, un’?” Harper cracked a grin. “Nice tic, man. Totally subtle. I bet the ladies love that.”

“OI!” he turned on Harper fast, fists clenched. “Don’t provoke me, un! I can pack a punch when I want to, dammit!”

“You two!” I laughed a little, pushing Dei and Harper apart. “Let’s keep moving, okay?”

After a few sighs and grumbles, they agreed. We kept walking for a good half-hour, eyes either on the path or on each other as we made small talk. It was getting colder; the air was a touch cool, and though I could see Harper shivering, I felt warm. “The difference between Katon and Suiton users,” I joked.

“Ass,” he called.

I was ready to make a retort - probably something about  _ him _ having the ass, or at least the closest thing to one, with the horse - but then Hashi suddenly squacked and took off from my arm, flying fast ahead into the distance, and we all  _ stopped _ .

Nobody spoke. Then:

“That looks like a smoke cloud.”

Harper had said it. I heard Dei make an agreeing sound. “Not big, but still decent,” he said.

“Can’t be more than a few miles away,” I added.

We all looked to one another.

And then we  _ ran _ .

 

***

 

I was the first one to smell the sickening stench of burning flesh.

I nearly gagged and grabbed my throat, half ready to vomit, but Harper grabbed my wrist and pulled me along, and I had to follow even as my breath rasped. Deidara was running far, far ahead - even shoeless, he wouldn’t be stopped, and Harper and I were falling behind, fast- until he abruptly stopped, and we nearly ran into him.

Buildings standing nearby, partly bordering the clearing we’d entered, littered by only few living people while in the middle were ninjas with the Land of Stone’s headbands, surrounding a stake with-

Oh god.

_ With a man tied to it, set aflame. _

“STOP!”

I rushed forward before Dei or Harper could hold me back, and the insurgents’ eyes were on me immediately as they screamed and ran at me. I made hand signs, fast, shot out my breath into viral flames that caught onto the men just as I readied wind-

_ No! _ My mind intercepted.  _ If you aggravate the wind, the man tied at the stake will-! _

I heard the man scream, but the soldiers met me suddenly, and I took a sudden kunai to the chest, swiped across my collar with a shout-

An explosion behind me, taking their attention, and suddenly they were shouting  _ Deidara Iwa-! _

“SUITON!”

Water rushed past me and into the ninja’s bodies, but it wasn’t enough to reach the stake - and I ran to its base and I began to climb up the unlit logs towards the stake and the man being set aflame and I though desperately, tried to steady myself before the man, screaming in agony, as I reached and grabbed the chains around his arms that bound him to the pole-

I screamed as they burned my hands, pulling back so fast I fell off of the mound of fuel and onto the ground.

Another scream. I scrambled to my feet and made the handsigns for wind, focusing on everything I’d remembered my mom telling me about oxygen and wind, a strategy she’d composed when fighting my father with his katon - how his fireballs would come at her and she’d cut off the oxygen around it, killing its fuel, until it dispersed into nothing but harmless smoke. But my mind was rampant, and I choked on breaths as I tried to focus and saw the air waver around the flames but still, still nothing would happen and it wasn’t stopping and god I couldn’t think-

Something hit me from behind. I fell and rolled, painfully pulling my kodachi into my burned hands and aiming a hit right across an enemy Earth nin’s chest, watching his chest bleed crimson. I got to my feet and found another two my way, and I rushed them and aimed a solid stab at one man’s chest, but he was too fast and had used earth techniques and blew me into the air like I was a paper mache toy. I flew - the earth met me hard, bruised my shoulder with a sickening  _ crack _ that made my shout in pain. I scrambled up again and made my signs, shoved another fireball at them to engulf their bodies. They screamed as it enveloped them.

I looked back to the stake, and thank god Deidara was handling the rest of them, because Harper was using water to douse the flames, and I gasped and stumbled and sheathed my kodachi and approached the timber and climbed with winces of pain, only to reach the gasping, charred man and struggling to removed the chains around his body.

He slumped into my arms. I grabbed him and leaned him back, struggling to speak - because his skin was black, burnt into crispy coal and red-brown stiffness. I forced myself to swallow my scream and to speak: “You’ll be okay, we’ve got you, it’s over now-”

The man blinked, dizzily, just a few times up at me. And then he smiled.

He smiled just before going limp in my arms, just before death dropped into his body.

 

***

 

I’d lost men on the battlefield before. I’d seen my teammates die and my enemies bleed, often both at once. I’d been the cause of death before. I’d even held more than one teammate’s hand as I reassured them that help would be there soon, only to learn days later that they’d died in surgery. It was nothing new to me, Death.

But to see a man I didn’t even know - a man who I’d barely spoken to for a moment’s time - dying in my arms? A man who, I could only assume, was fighting for a freer world?

The moment Death made a weight of him, I felt like I’d been petrified into stone.

And for long, long moments, I didn’t move.

 

***

 

“Katya! What happened-”

“He’s dead, Harper.”

I heard him gasp, most likely from both the news and the pitch I delivered it in. But a part of me had gone numb, shaken. Some part of me couldn’t register it, like it’d forgotten the pain Death delivered. It left me shaking, shivering. And for the first time that day, it left me feeling chilled to my skin.

“Katya, un,” I heard, and I finally looked up from the corpse to Deidara down below, standing in the puddle surrounding the unlit stake. “Katya, can you- put down the body, okay? Come down here. You’re hurt.”

Anger surged through my veins. I opened my mouth to retort, but he’d been right - that moment, all of the pain came back, to my chest and my collar and my hands and my shoulder. I bit on a cry instead, eyes clamped shut.

“Harper,” I heard Dei say, “You need to help her.”

“Yeah,” and then I heard Harper climbing up the wood pile. I refused to open my eyes, both because of pain and the sight in front of me. It was more soothing to see the darkness behind my eyelids, yet even as I was assured of that, I could still feel my eyes aching from pain, and I realized too late that during the battle, I’d turned on my Sharingan. I focused on turning it off.

A hand landed heavy on my shoulder, and I turned fast and looked up at Harper.

“We should take him down for a proper burial,” he said, eyes sad - but, somehow, not sad enough to measure the grief that was suddenly shaking my form.

“Um,” I licked my lips. All of a sudden, my throat was dry. My eyes kept hurting. “Okay. Okay.”

“Here,” he said, helping me move my arms from the man’s body, but it was in doing that which made him notice my quivers. “Are you okay?” he asked, looking back to me with concern.

“I-” I swallowed, and realized in an instant that I was seeing in black and red - I’d failed to turn off my Sharingan. I shook my head and put a hand to my collar, bloody as it was. “I’m sorry, I just- I hadn’t thought- I never meant to-”

_ Pain _ . Pain stabbing me behind my eyes.

And I  _ screamed _ .

“ _ Katya _ !” and he grabbed my by the shoulders as I put my hands to my eyes, gasping at the burns and the pain and the white spots that seemed shot into my eyelids. “Katya, what’s wrong?!”

I gasped. “My-my eyes-!”

“Let me see-” he grabbed my hands and pulled them away, and it was then that I felt a wetness on my cheeks (I assumed they were tears) and he forced my eyelids to open and looked at them and-

His whole face paled.

“Ho. Ly.  _ Shit _ .”

I felt my lower lip tremble and fisted my hands- only to realize that they were slick, slicker than before. I opened them and looked at my palms, seeing that even with my Sharingan’d vision, they were definitely covered in blood.

And when I put a clean finger to my cheek and put the taste to my mouth, I could taste copper.

My eyes were  _ bleeding _ .

“Katya,” Harper’s voice trembled. “Katya, your eyes-”

Deidara was suddenly at my side, grabbing my arm. I turned to him fast, and his single eye opened  _ huge _ as he let out a series of curses, and when I looked up to the sliced headband he still wore over his forehead, I got my reflection in its surface, making my eyes seem like they were overtaking the majority of my face.

I swallowed, hard, chest shaking with aching breaths and raging panic.

My eyes were designed with three lines, branching in half, to make triple designs that looked like lilies cut into halves.

My Mangekyo Sharingan had awakened.

And I hadn’t even thought of it as I cut down men only to save another man’s life.


	29. Chapter 29

I couldn’t remember what happened following the awakening of my Mangekyo Sharingan. I was helped down from the pile by Deidara and Harper at some point; I was taken to an inn, my thoughts hazy as I was dragged into a room. Somebody had the sense to notice my breaths and give me a shot of my inhaler; I breathed it in and, supposedly, passed out. According to Harper, I slept for hours.

Later in the night - probably around midnight - I opened my eyes and, upon blinking weariness from them, felt crusted blood down my cheeks.

I sat up fast and felt the world spin, but I put a hand to my face and tried to steady myself, tried to ignore the way I wanted to just fall over and go to sleep again. My stomach growled with emptiness; my whole face hurt. My hands and chest shook with slight stabs of pain, but when I looked down, I discovered they’d taken off my shirt and bandaged the wounds on my hands and chest, leaving me exposed from waist up to - god, it was embarrassing - to nipples.

“You’re awake.”

I looked around and saw Harper sitting on the edge of my bed, looking determinedly at my face. I felt myself turn red; I covered my breasts and stuttered out, “Where’s my shirt?”

“Ruined,” he said. “Um, I think there’s an extra haori under your pillow-”

I dive-turned onto the bed and reached under the pillows for the jacket, breathing a sigh of relief as I pulled out one in a deep brown. I thanked an unknown God and pulled it on, tying it shut quickly.

“You okay?” he asked as I finally turned back to him, still exposed, but at least with my more sensitive parts covered.

“Y-Yeah,” I nodded, shut my eyes. “What happened? And can I- um- clean my face?”

He wordlessly rose and walked to the other side of the room. I saw him pick up a shallow bowl, and when he walked back, I saw it was filled with crystal-clear water. “They had to pull this up the old fashioned way,” he said. “I offered to use Suiton to help, but the one man who could see me insisted. Your face looks like a wreck, by the way.”

“Thanks,” I said with half my usual sarcasm. I was still shaking; I reached into the bowl and started rubbing the blood from my face, even as my hands tingled and stung from the sensation.

Harper looked me over as I worked on cleansing my face. “You look like shit.”

I croaked out, “I  _ feel _ like shit.”

“What the fuck happened back there? Your eyes, they just-”

I shuddered. “Mangekyo,” I whispered. “It’s- complicated.”

“. . . Sharingan related?” he asked.

I could only nod.

“Well,” he sighed. “That’s no fun. At least it was good timing, to have happened here in a village.”

Good timing?! I looked up at him and scowled. “Mangekyo is  _ not _ a good thing, Harper! It only activates after the trauma of a death!”

“What- that’s not what I mean!” he groaned, slapping his hand to his forehead. “I mean that it’s good we’re in a village to begin with! The locals had no chance to stop the burning of the rebel-”

“Who  _ was _ that man, anyways? I didn’t mean- didn’t-” I felt my eyes water. Harper noticed and let his face soften, reaching out to clasp my shoulder.

“It’s okay,” he said, attempting to be soothing, but I could only shudder and shut my eyes.

. . . Mangekyo . . . My parents had told about it. Told me their stories. My godfather had awakened it losing his father and becoming head of his clan, and my father got his when his best friend - the man my brother was named after - forced him to take his life. I knew there were benefits to Mangekyo - techniques that greatly increased one’s power - but the price was the gradual loss of vision of the user, leading to blindness. The only way to combat it was to switch eyes with another, in the cases of Madara and my dad, switching eyes with their brethren.

But I didn’t have anybody to switch visions with. The only other Sharingan user was Shisui, and he only had single-tomoe Sharingan to begin with.

I didn’t want him to suffer to get the Mangekyo.

“Katya? Are you alright?”

I shook my head. “What happened?” was all I could say.

“The man that was being burned wasn’t a rebel from here - it was a rebel from an outside village who’d come here looking for shelter. But Stone ninja had been ‘passing through’,” he said mockingly, as if he didn’t believe it, “And they caught him. Set up the pyre and decided to let him burn. He’d been tied up for a while, but we’d gotten there just as the flames reached his body.”

“Oh, god,” I muttered.

“Indeed,” he said. “The villagers were made to watch; I think the Land of Stone meant to make an example of him. We came at a good time, but as you know, we just didn’t- we couldn’t-” he took a deep breath and let it out. “At least he died knowing somebody cared. Nobody was able to go after him, at least not without risk. Although,” he said, tone darkening, “That was risky in itself, Katya. You practically threw yourself into danger without  _ thinking _ . How could you be so stupid? We were positively outnumbered-”

“I know,” I whispered. “I know.”

“Yet you still did it.”

“I had to act-”

“You don’t always  _ have _ to, though-”

“ _ But that’s just what I do _ !” I cried out, lower lip trembling. “I fight to protect others, not to watch them burn at the stake for wanting a free existence-!”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t give you permission to act like an idiot!”

“ _ Shut up! _ And anyways, what was I supposed to do, stand back and watch?! I could’ve  _ saved _ him! I could’ve-”

“You can’t change the past.”

“But-!”

“ _ Enough _ ,” he finally growled, and I silenced, and I was relieved to know that the drops rolling down my face were tears, at least.

I dragged in a breath - a shaky one, of course - and buried my face in the sleeve of my haori, hoping it would pick up some of my tears. I felt like I was still shuddering from head to toe, still high off of adrenaline and fear. And it wasn’t just for failing to save that man - because I’d just been too late, and too powerless - it was for having gotten a new power from it, as well, a power that could render me crippled and useless. And if that was so, if that had to become the case . . .

I hiccuped and bit the sleeve, feeling it tear between my teeth just a little bit.

_ Not normal _ rang through my mind.

And, for not the first time,  _ monster _ .

“Kat?”

I lifted my eyes, feeling pathetic for still wanting to hide my face in the large and oh-so-soft sleeve.

Harper took one look at my face and sighed. “I’m sure you don’t want to hear this, but after what happened, the village practically deemed us - or at least you and Dei - heroes. We’d killed all of the soldiers, and as long as they don’t have a team to check up on them, the village will be safe for a little while longer. As a result, they insisted on letting us stay the night, although Deidara’s practically refused the luxury. He’s been out all night talking to other rebels.”

_ Oh _ . I hadn’t even thought about him. I shut my eyes and sighed. “What time is it, anyways?”

“Three in the morning.”

“ _ Harper _ . We wasted the whole day, and now we’re wasting sleep.”

“I couldn’t sleep even if I’d tried. You’re . . . You’re not the only one shaken,” he admitted weakly.

“Shocked,” I muttered.

I’d meant it as an insult, but I guess he hadn’t taken it that way, for once. “I don’t make a habit of seeing dead bodies,” he just said. “I tend to avoid them.”

“That’s because you’re a nihilist,” I answered.

“Call me what you like.”

“You are, though. You try to ignore problems by turning away. That’s how you deal with shit,” I said. I didn’t know why I was acting like such a bitch, but it matched my mood.

Harper, bless him, didn’t take the bait yet again. Again, shocking. “You’re just tired,” he said, running a hand through his hair. “And you’re probably starving, too. Want me to go wake the guy that saw me? I think he and his family have some fresh loafs of bread-”

“I can’t ask that of them.”

“No, they insisted, at least while Dei was around. The dude told me that I could bother him any time. Probably because he liked  _ you _ , but he was cute anyways,” he said. When I gave him a look, he put on a mock-offended face and said, “Hey, I’m not hiding it now that you know, okay? I’m not one to keep shit like this hidden.”

I sighed. “You should feel lucky to have that luxury, though. I can’t hide my heritage.”

“Trust me - it’s not a luxury at all. It’s easier to have it in the open, rather than feeling stifled,” he said, then paused. “You know what? I’m hungry anyway. I’ll go wake the guy and ask him for help. Want me to bring you back something?”

I shrugged and made a noncommital gesture.

“I’ll just take that as a yes,” He said, getting to his feet. Before he left, he reached out and ruffled my hair, saying “I’ll be back soon,” and then he walked out and shut the door gently behind him.

 

***

 

I was at a total loss. It was too late at night for activity, but I’d slept too long to return to dreams again, so I lied down on the bed and buried my face into my pillow, able to feel every shake of my body against the thin mattress of the bed.

Why . . . Why had that man had to die? Was that the penalty of trying to survive in a world where nobody had to hide in fear? The penalty for opposing a group that would willingly mask the world in an eternal illusion? There was no more hope for that plan, or at least not with their original leader, Obito - he was dead. I had no reason to doubt that he was, nor a reason to believe that the Konoha government, who’d kept him under guard, would lie about it. The method didn’t matter - and besides, they needed two things they lacked: the ten-tailed beast, and the Rinnegan.

I didn’t know very much about the plan, admittedly; all I knew had been told to me by Madara, who’d come up with the idea in the first place. “Fuckin’ disgrace,” he’d said, but even just thinking of his words seemed to make them echo in my mind in that deep, familiar voice I always associated with smoky warmth and kindness. That voice brought tears to my eyes again, and just like how thinking of my mom made me miss her, so it did with Madara, too.

Madara would’ve explained everything; he’d have told me how to use my new ability, how we’d stop me from going blind. As it stood, I was on my way to eventual blindness unless I never used my abilities.  _ So I won’t _ , I thought, but I knew even as I thought that it was impossible to make that promise. I’d do what was needed to protect others, and if that meant using the three techniques I knew I’d possess, I’d do it. There was simply no way around it.

Still . . . I wished for somebody to come and explain it all. I’d made myself leave without Madara so I could forge my own way, but now, more than ever, I wished I’d waited. I wished that I’d stayed, and waited for him to come and promise me that things would be okay - even if it meant missing out on everything I’d already experienced.

Seeing that man die, and getting the technique as a result of it, just wasn’t worth it all.

_ “You’re trapped in the roots of denial.” _

I sat up fast, world spinning, as I saw the figure morphing before me in the dark, the figure of a man who I knew too, too well. Even the voice was the same, echoing in my ears, and I swallowed and shook and thought  _ how?! _ And responded anyway.

“I-I’m not denying anything, Madara!” I cried out as he formed next to me, at my bedside, scowling down at me with arms crossed. “I’m not denying the powers I possess nor the scene of what I witnessed! Isn’t that a sign of weakness, to deny?!”

“It is,” he taunted, “But you deny far more than that. You should know, after all. It haunts your nightmares; it follows you in your travels.”

My eyes narrowed. “And what are these things I deny?”

“Heritage,” he started with, unfolding his arms slowly and reaching out a finger to trace against my collar, just where the bandages stopped and skin began, making me shiver from the icy touch of his glove. “Heritage, as well as affection and love and strength. You deny the strength you know you have, and you let that strength make you weak.”

“I’ll never be as strong as my parents, though,” I said, gulping. “I’ll never be as strong as you.”

“Ah, but that’s what I mean,” he said, fingers sliding up to my neck, parting the hair away so he could wrap his palm around the back where my sensitive skin aligned with my spine. “You’ll deny anything that ties you to your family, won’t you? You’ll deny your specialties just to seem like a normal girl, when you’re not normal at all. You’re a demon trying to hide the monster, aren’t you? You’re trying to hide what makes you who you are.”

I grit my teeth. “I’m not hiding  _ anything _ , dammit!”

His other hand slammed into my windpipe and grabbed, choking me hard as I gasped and lost my breath. He lifted me up, glared at me with ribboned eyes: the Rinnegan. “You’re a fool,” he snarled. “You’re a fool for denying yourself and your strength, and you know it.”

“I-” I struggled for air. “I’d rather be- a  _ fool _ \- than a monster-!”

“How precious,” he sneered. “You think you can only be one. For all your nineteen years, you really are a child.”

I grabbed at his hands, one so gentle and the other so hard. “S-Sto-” I couldn’t press out words, couldn’t breathe. I grit my teeth and dug in my nails and clenched my eyes shut, but I couldn’t get him off, and then he was lifting me off the bed and shoving me back even as I dragged in a final clean breath-

I hit the floor on my injured side, my shoulder screaming as I scrambled for footing and got up and looked across the bed-

But he was gone.

. . . It’d been a dream.

_ A dream _ , I thought, but I could still feel the hold of hands on my neck. I put my hands to my skin and took a deep breath, eyes fluttering closed, and I tried to tell myself that it was all it was: a dream.

Something still struck me as odd, though - something had been inaccurate, something that had been a clue into the nightmare. He’d made a mistake - he’d said nineteen years. I tried to hold onto that fact, that I was eighteen and not nineteen, but then-

My eyes flickered to the nearby desk, where I’d set the basin of water earlier, and I saw sheets of maps and calenders laid out, probably Harper’s, and I walked over and looked at the date and saw the boxes scribbled in for each passing day and-

_ Oh _ .

I stepped back and felt my legs hit the board of the bed, sitting down on the edge with an exhale.

. . . The date was October 17th.

The day before, when I’d seen the man burning at the stake, had been my birthday.


	30. Chapter 30

We left the next day, refusing any more hospitality when we were just three travelers passing through, and we hit the road again. It only took a few days after that to leave hard stone under our feet behind for puddles of dirt and seas of free, open grass.

“We’re almost to the Land of Waterfall, un!” Deidara assured us as we made camp a few nights later. “I’ll make sure you’re both safe in the Land of Waterfall and sneak back in here before anybody has the chance to notice.

“Are you sure that’s safe?” Harper asked. “I mean, you’ll be putting your life at risk.”

“Pfft, like it’s something I can’t handle!” he cut back, grinning. “I always like a good game of chicken! And anyway, they can’t stop me from coming in, now can they? I’ve already proven that I can get two jonins in here, right?”

Harper nodded, but he still seemed unconvinced. “You’re going to get into trouble.”

“Don’t worry about me, un,” he replied. “I’ve got this. You two should worry more about what your next moves are going to be.”

I didn’t say a word to them as they argued, and nor did I try to insist otherwise. I just rolled out my sleeping mat and followed routine like a zombie, because big parts of me were shouting,  _ screaming _ , that I couldn’t leave things like there were.

 

***

 

Hours later, when nothing was even lighting the campsite besides a cold-cut moon, I jerked up from sleep and bit my hand, muffling a belly-filled scream.

_ Just a dream! _ I shouted in my mind as I tried to calm down,  _ it was just a dream! _ But I was still shaking, and the aftermath was still flitting across my eyes in the darkness surrounding our open camp, and I felt the sting of tears crawling down my face as I tried to calm my rapid, unsteady breaths.

“Katya, un?” I heard. Somebody grabbed my shoulder. “Are you oka-”

“NO!” I pulled back fast, gasping. “ _ Don’t touch me! _ ”

“Whoa! Okay okay, just relax, un!” I heard, and I curled into a ball and tried to calm down as I felt the heat from Deidara’s body near my side, watching over me as I tried to clear my head of yet another bad dream.

By the time I’d calmed down and wiped my tears off on the haori I’d kept from the inn (since the shirt I was lended was skintight, a little too much for my comfort), Deidara had figured out what had happened. “A nightmare, un?”

I shuddered and nodded. “A bad one,” I said, forcing myself to uncurl my legs and let them splay out.

“Damn,” Deidara shook his head with a sigh. “How long?”

“What?”

“How long have you been having them, un? I hadn’t realized-”

“S-Since the night we’d talked about the propoganda.”

“Oh,” he paused. “Then you’ve been getting nightmares under my watch. Natasha and Itachi will positively kill me, un.”

I could’ve laughed - could’ve, if my throat didn’t feel so raw, nor my nerves so frayed. “Why would they  _ do _ that?” I asked.

“Well, this isn’t exactly a picnic,” he said, spreading out his arms around us. “You’ve seen people starving, un. You’ve fought insurgents with us. You got your  _ Mangekyo _ ,” he stopped there, brows drawing together, head tilting to one side. “Actually,” he said, “Now that I think about that, Itachi’ll probably kill me for letting you get Manegkyo in the first place, never mind the nightmares.”

“Th-The nightmares-” I shut my eyes and shook my head. “They’re not about what’s going here. Maybe it’s an- an influence, but there’s been much more going on in my head, Dei. Way more going on.”

“Like what?”

“Well-” and I stopped. Being speechless in front of Deidara just wasn’t a  _ thing _ . It wasn’t something knowingly done. He had enough energy for two people most of the time, so there was always something to be talked about. But I didn’t even know where to start with the nightmares - I didn’t even know how to explain them.

So, naturally, I started with the simplest thing.

“For one thing, I don’t think I’m as straight as you think I am.”

His eyes widened, or at least the one I could see did. “Hm?”

“I mean-” I swallowed, looked away. “Do you- do you know the Hokage? Lady Tsunade?”

“Oh, yeah,” he started smirking. “She is a  _ beauty _ , un. If she ever gave me consent, un, the things I’d do to her-”

“S-Stop that!” I said with a blush running up my collar and to my scalp, my own mind given permission to visualize that bow of a smile, those gleaming eyes. I shut my own in reaction. “I-I mean- I just got odd feelings around her, y’know? She was- she was more than just gorgeous. And then there was another girl, an apothecary, and she was-”

“Striking?” he asked with a snicker.

“Shut up! But I just- those are the only people I’ve ever felt . . . Well . . .  _ Interested _ in,” I finished weakly. “I can’t explain it any more clearly than that.”

He stopped and thought for a while, nodding his head. Of course it was something he’d get, or so I hoped; his friend, aka my own mother, had slept with more women than many men could claim. “Well, that’s not something to freak out about, un,” he said. “Is it worrying you that much?”

“I just- never thought that I’d feel that way about somebody like that. Not to a- a  _ woman _ .”

Deidara shrugged. “You’re in an unique position, un-”

“I  _ know _ . And that’s part of it, too. I’m surrounded by killers, people who have had to take lives. And me, I’m one of them too, right? I’ve had to strike down men-”

“And women,” Dei added,

I glared up at him and shouted, “Is that really the  _ point _ ?!”

He clapped a hand over my mouth, fast, and I shut my mouth and prayed that his hand-mouths weren’t going to - I don’t know -  _ kiss _ me or something. But then I realized that I could hear Harper’s breath pausing, as if he’d woken up - but instants later, I heard it settle into less of a rasp, and I realized that he’d just fallen asleep again, if he’d woken up at all.

Deidara gifted my a glare and lowered his hand. “Keep your voice down, un,” he chastised.

I turned red. “S-Sorry,” I muttered.

“It’s fine,” he said. “Go on. You’ve had to kill.”

“Y-Yeah,” I said, and I finally just sighed and blurted it out. “Dei - so many of my peers don’t have to deal with stuff like this. They walk around with heterosexual thoughts and innocent families and uncomplicated ideas about uncomplicated things. They don’t have to question who they kill; they’re assigned to those deaths by a mission system thought up of a century past by a Hokage whose ideals have been spreading across the whole world. But I- I’ve had to face people without an order, and I’ve killed them via my choice to survive and thrive, while demoting them to hell. But- what right do I have to  _ do _ that? Isn’t that the morality my parents face when they’re confronted by the people who call them criminals? They-” I dropped my eyes. “They had to kill to survive, Dei. I don’t want to have to do the same thing, and then face scorn because of it.”

I finally silenced, unable to go any further. Dei must’ve known that, too - he didn’t press me for anything more, at least not initially. Instead, he sat back and put a hand to his chin, as if he was thinking deeply (I doubted it, really), and just asked one more thing: “So those are themes you face in your dreams?”

“Yeah,” I said. “People are always chasing me, and I’m always chasing other people. Sometimes it’s my mom, or Shisui; a few nights ago, it was Madara at my bedside, choking me-” I stopped, the sensation crawling up my spine again, and I shook my head and just finished, “That was the dream that told me that I had turned nineteen. And I’m always wearing a yukata or other traditional clothing, and they’re always in black and red.”

He raised a brow at that, suddenly reeking of confusion. “A yukata?”

“I wore one at a festival in Konohagakure,” I said softly. “I’d worn one so I could look ‘pretty’.”

“Well, like you’d need  _ that _ , un. You’re pretty enough already.”

I turned pink again - and then resisted the urge to call him a liar, if only because I was too tired to refuse the quote-on-quote “compliment”.

In the end, though, he just sighed. “I don’t know what to tell you, un. To be honest, I’m surprised you’re just now having nightmares. I had them all the time when I was your age.”

That surprised me, at least a little bit. “You did?”

“Yeah. I was a member of the Akatsuki - we  _ all _ had nightmares. I’d even heard our Leader-sama having nightmares sometimes, on the rare occasions where we’d all housed together,” he said. “Your mom, too, had horrendous nightmares when she was young. And after saving your father-”

He cut off, but I was intrigued. “After my dad nearly died?”

“It’s nothing,” he shook his head. “I’m sorry; it’s not my business. Forgive me. Don’t tell her I said or knew anything about that, un.”

I wanted to ask him more - figure out what he wasn’t supposed to know about and why - but then he looked back to me, his bright blue eye gleaming under the moon, and I shut my mouth. I was too tired, and it wasn’t worth it.

“Look,” he finally said, “I only have one piece of advice, because I’ve only found one real way to face nightmares without going to the core of the matter, and it’s the only suggestion I have.”

I sighed. “What is it?”

“. . . Get the closest thing you have to a good mac’n’cheese and eat it until you can’t stomach any more.”

. . . I opened my eyes and gave him a look that probably said  _ stop being a fucking moron _ . At the least, though, he  _ did _ crack a smile. “At least you’re reacting, un.”

“So much for advice,” I shot back.

“Fine, fine! In all seriousness,” he sobered, “Just try to ignore them. Find other things to occupy your mind; find other things to take up your brain space. In my case, it’s always been art; I know your mom was a big fan of sparring until she couldn’t do anything more, or else swimming in the lake surrounding the main base. You’ll just have to find your own methods, un.”

My own methods . . .

I looked down at my knees and thought that over, trying to decide what could possible take up so much brain space that it would force me to relieve the nightmares and hide them in a distant part of my memory.

I heard a yawn and realized that Deidara was getting to his feet, swaying a little on the spot. “Well,” he groaned, “I need to get back to bed. You woke me, y’know, and I need my beauty sleep.”

I almost -  _ almost _ \- smiled. “That sounds like something my mom would say.”

“What can I say? She rubbed off on me,” he joked as he walked back to his pallet and laid down again, covering his form with his threadbare blanket. “G’night, un.”

“Night . . .”

I laid back down again, mind whirring in a way that told me I’d never get back to sleep. It felt like so much was running through my mind - insecurities, doubts, strengths - but most of all, without somebody to talk to, it felt like my nightmare was replaying in my brain again, reeling back and forth to beginning and end and back to the beginning again.

_ You’re a weakling and a fool _ , I remembered being told.  _ You hide your strength in an effort to appease, yet crawl down your path by lashing out at the things that make you angry and in rage. You don’t think; you communicate with your violence. _

_ But I can do better than that _ , I suddenly thought, a sudden opposition to what my visions had been telling me.  _ I know I’m young. I know I’m not the best. But I want to be strong enough to protect others, to force others away from harm. I’m just . . . Scared. _

. . . It occurred to me, then, that maybe strength wasn’t my only option, at least not the strength of my body. Maybe there was a different kind of help I could provide, something I could do, even if to help but a little.

I whispered into the black. “Dei? You still awake?”

I heard him shift, then hum in an agreeing note.

“When we get up in the morning . . . I want to redistribute our supplies. I can . . . I can get more supplies after we leave the Land of Stone, and everybody else here - well, they need them more.”

A pause. Then: “Are you sure, un?”

“I’m positive,” I insisted.

Silence. “Well,” he finally said, “If that’s what you want to do, un, then I guess I’ll let you. But your ‘rents won’t be pleased.”

“My parents don’t matter right now,” I muttered. “The people here  _ do _ .”

And it was the least I could do, at least until the next night.

 

***

 

There was no time for heartfelt goodbyes; I just gave Deidara a big hug, and Harper thanked him politely and with as much seriousness as he could muster. “You two survive out there, okay?” he asked. “Send Hashi after me when you need to, and I’ll find you whenever you need it.”

“We will,” I said. “Be safe.”

He yanked me into another embrace, and it took him a long time - with wet face pressed to the top of my head - before he let go.

We left the same way we came in; with a bang. Deidara set a nearby border house into a blast, distracting the guards enough that with the horse carrying both Harper and I, we rode out of the Land of Stone and into the Land of Waterfall, never looking back yet knowing - simply  _ knowing _ \- that Deidara was okay.

That night, after Harper settled in and I had changed the bandages around my battered hands and wounded chest, I left my weapons at camp and wandered off until I’d left the firelight behind, and then I snuck into an open area of trees and turned on my Mangekyo, allowing myself to imagine the enemies in front of me and striking at the trees as if they were the enemies that were for my blood.

Because the dreams were right; I hide my strength, absolutely feared it. I’d feared it ever since I had been young.

But enough was enough. And if I needed the strength of my body to continue on, to truly meet my matches instead of rushing in like a headless fool . . . Then so be it.


	31. Chapter 31

The Land of Waterfalls felt, at times, like it was composed more of lakes than it was of lands. Some were pretty small - just deep puddles as long as I was tall - and others spanned on for miles, ones that were so choppy Harper and I sometimes had to circumvent them, especially when we had the horse - it was a strange relief to return it to the stables, allowing us less hindrance as we moved on.

Each night, Harper would settle down into sleep and conk out like  _ that. _ But once he did, I left Hashi to watch over him and found a space away from him, turning on my Sharingan and beginning to practice as I spun and kicked to knock down imaginary foes. When we stayed in the woods, I focused on punches against the trees, building up my strength. When there were no trees, I practiced my jumps and kicks, careful not to overdue it so Harper wouldn’t notice in the morning. Sometimes he’d take note of it; one in a while, he’d ask me if we needed to stop. But I told him I could keep going; I refused to let on.

I didn’t notice any changes at first, or at least none noticeable to the eye - but what I did notice was that I could force myself to go a little longer each night, make my moves a little faster. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to keep me going.

The downside, of course, was the asthma; while it didn’t flare up every night, it did on occasion, and I’d had to use my emergency inhaler several times to keep myself from collapsing. It was beginning to wear down; I knew the medication wouldn’t last forever, but I told myself that with luck, I could get more when we got to another village. Or at least, I hoped so.

After those bouts, I returned to camp and collapsed back into my bedroll, and most of the time, I fell asleep immediately and dreamed of nothing until the next morning. Other nights, I laid awake and stared at the stars, thoughts jogging through molasses as I listened to the sound of Harper and Hashi breathing nearby. On those nights, when I fell asleep, it was so sudden and so quick that I woke up feeling like I hadn’t slept at all, merely traveled in time.

And then, of course, there were the nights that I fell asleep and dreamed of torturous things, like I did two weeks later, wearing a loose hanfu with my wrists chained to a strong, concrete wall behind me.

“You’re just appearing to be more the fool for this,” the lady from the apothecary told me as she pinned my body to the wall with her own frame. “You’ll go ahead and train every night, but what will come of it? Simply cold sleep and aching bones.”

“I do it to improve. I do it because-” but I gasped and cut off as I felt one of her cool hands against my skin, against my clavicle, as she peeled away the collar of my robe from my skin.

“Because you think it’ll help you become better prepared to serve your  _ nindo _ ,” she said as she leaned closer, lips brushing against my neck as she littered butterfly kisses along my skin. “How do you think you can do that if you remain afraid of your own strength?”

My breath hitched; my eyes fluttered shut. “Because- because this is the only way I can accept my power for what it is. It’s the only way I’ll stop being afraid of having to knock people down.”

“You act afraid,” she said, teeth nipping at my earlobe, before whispering on, “But you’ve fought without hesitation before. Those men outside of Konoha. The men trying to break into the village. The ones burning down the rebel.”

“And afterwords,” I forced out, “I feel like I’ve taken a lead pipe to the stomach.”

She paused, pulled away just enough to look at me with her deep red eyes. I shivered; everybody’s eyes in this dream scape were red, no matter what they were in real life. I’d found no exception, even in my own vision, when I found something reflective to show them like the clear pools of water I ran across or the mirrors that showed me my ugly appearance. Her eyes were red like blood, like overripe tomatoes; the pupils shrank as she looked me over. I resisted the urge to cry out at the sight.

“You’ll kill in the moments of rage,” she said with a murmur, “But the aftermath leaves you feeling the monster. The  _ demon _ .”

I pressed my lips together into a thin line. And then I said: “I am no demon.”

She didn’t answer me. Instead, she suddenly leaned closer, pressing her lips to mine, and when I gasped and she forced her tongue between my lips I tasted soot and ash and sour lemon. I almost choked on it and yanked at the restraints on my wrists, pulled like my life depended even when they shrank to press into my skin, to make the bones pop-

I woke up from that dream with a gasp, soaked to the bone with sweat along my phantom-aching wrists and other . . . wetnesses . . . At the junction between my legs where energy and chakra seemed to throb in want.

I shivered and burrowed under my covers again, my cheeks bright red and my thighs pressing together firmly, despite the zap of pleasure it forced through my form.

The bright side was that at least I hadn’t woken Harper. I wouldn’t want to explain to him why I was so red and breathless anyway.

 

***

 

When we got up that morning, we both discovered an ickle thing - with it being midway into November, our short-sleeved tops and short pants had outworn their use. Cold was beginning to jab into our skins in icy prickles.

“We’re almost near Takigakure,” Harper pointed out as he shivered, rubbing down his arms. I could even see the goosebumps on the bare abdominals he still showed off to (part of) the world. “Maybe we can get warmer clothes there?”

“P-Probably,” I said, even shivering myself. I was a fire-user, and I was still getting cold?! I licked my lips and quickly finished zipping up my bag, tossing it over my shoulder as I stood and looked to Harper. “As much as I hate to admit it, this definitely isn’t like in the L-Land of Fields. It only gets this cold there in J-January.”

“Lucky y-you,” he shot back. “It n-never gets cold in S-Suna.”

I rolled my eyes. “Oh sh-shut up. You’ve been to Konoha. You’ll have been cold b-before.”

“Not like th-this,” he shot back as he stamped his feet. “Gah, it’s so f-fucking cold.”

I rolled my eyes and led the way from there, clutching my compass in my palm to calm my nerves, if nothing else.

 

***

 

It was only when we got there that we realized a dilemma: we were running out of money.

“It’s enough to get whatever garments we need,” he said, “But not enough to last us very far out of Waterfall. We’ll have to be more careful with supplies or else start looting any enemies we find on the road.”

“Or we could take on missions,” I cut back. It was embarrassing enough to be talking about it within the store where we could be overheard by the owner; I could see her cutting us nasty looks from behind the counter. At least she could see Harper, though - it would’ve been worse if she’d seen me alone. “And anyways,” I said, “There’ll be plenty of missions around here. I mean, there are  _ tons _ of Akatsuki insurgents around now - they’re all gathering at the Land of Mountains, for whatever reason. I remember reading about it in Madara’s letter to Dei.”

“Yeah, but do you really think they’d want a lady with an international headband taking on missions against insurgents on her own? Nobody can even see me!” he insisted.

“The lady here can,” I said as I dropped my voice. “And besides, if we take a small mission or two, we can build up some more cash and get out of here. Besides, we could take missions separately-”

“They don’t give separate missions here in Taki,” he said. “They do the teams system, and I doubt they’ll allow international shinobi to take missions. Economy and all.”

“I could take missions in Konoha, though.”

“It’s not the same. Look, we’ll just have to be careful with our funds, okay? We can’t act too hasty.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m beginning to think you’re just a cheapscape.”

“Call me what you like,” he said, “I’m going to go get some winter clothes before my butt freezes off.”

The result, of course, was that he bought a lot more clothes than I did, taking a serious dent out of our spending resources. At least he didn’t get strange looks for buying a pair of pants, though; when I put down my purchases in front of the old lady, including a pair of trousers, she took one look at me and adjusted her kimono, as if silently telling me  _ you should be wearing something like what I have _ .

“I’m a shinobi, ma’am,” I just said instead, trying to keep a polite smile on my face. “The mobility is far easier in pants.”

She sniffled. “You’ll never find a boyfriend that way, young lady.”

_ As if I want one _ ! I thought. I refused to answer whether it was because I didn’t want  _ romance _ or didn’t want  _ men _ ; I just crossed my arms and almost pasted the most realistic grin on my face. “I’ll keep that in mind, ma’am,” I just said. “I’ll consider that, after I’m done fighting for my life. After all, I wouldn’t want to impress a guy by getting impaled after tripping over my tight skirts.”

After I paid, I got permission to change in a backroom and met Harper back there, only to find him raising a brow and repressing a grin. “You’re not very good with people, are you?” he asked.

I looked away and flushed. “It’s the truth,” I stammered instead. “I’m not trying to make myself look pretty; I’m trying to fight. A-And anyways, what do you care? I thought you weren’t interested.”

“I’m not,” he said with a shrug. “I just would’ve thought, with how childish you act-”

“What does that have to do with anything?!”

“Nothing,” he shook his head and held out his hands for his bundle of clothes. “I keep forgetting. You always take remarks like that straight to heart.”

Instead of dropping the bundle in his arms, I hurled it at his stupid head.

“Hey! You could’ve killed me from that! I could’ve suffocated and stuff!” he accused me as I put down my clothes and began stripping off my haori and shirt.

“As if,” I sniffled, throwing a pout at him as well. “You’re mouth’s so big I bet you could’ve breathed past the bundle or else swallowed it whole. You never shut up, do you? Or did I leave the real Harper back in the Land of Wind?”

“Yeah yeah,” he rolled his eyes. “Things are different now. I’m busy doing shit, y’know? And knowing more about you makes it awfully easy to talk.”

Easy to talk? That was one way of putting it. Easier to annoy was how I thought of it, really, but I wouldn’t say that aloud, so I just tossed my useless shirt and shorts to the ground and pulled on my clothes, keeping the haori from before safely bundled in my bag before slipping on another that smelled less of earth and smoke.

 

***

 

We had just left the store and stepped outside when it happened: “Somebody, help me!”

“Wha-” I turned and saw a boy, probably fifteen or sixteen, running down the street with wide eyes and a tearsoaked face. “Hey, what’s going on?!”

“Katya, wait!” Harper called, but I just grabbed my bag and ran over to the kid as he collapsed in the middle of the street, sobbing his eyes out. We were the only ones there; the shops had closed for the afternoon, so Harper behind me was the only person to see me approach the kid and kneel down to his level. Looking at him closer, my heart clenched; he reminded me fiercely of my own brother, with dark brown hair and messy locks.

“What’s going on?” I asked, gripping the headband around my waist tightly in my right hand. “What do you need? I’m a shinobi, I can help you.”

“I-” he lifted his eyes, and I gasped - they were bright blue, so similar to my brother’s as well. He swallowed harshly, his whole face a bright red. “My brothers, they were- we were playing down by the caverns and-”

“And?” I asked.

“They were kidnapped! Taken hostage by a bunch of the stupid Akatsuki!” his face creased in anger, suddenly, but just as quickly morphed back into sadness as he howled and rubbed at his eyes. “I don’t know how to fight them! They have my brothers, they’ll  _ kill _ me if I go after them!”

“Kill  _ you _ ?” Harper asked as I heard him walking up behind me. “Nice to hear he’s got a soft spot for his kid brothers.”

“Harper!” I tossed him a glare before looking back to the kid, who at least had the dignity to hide his surprise when it became clear I’d apparently shout to a ghost. “Look,” I said, “Are you hurt? Where are they? My friend and I can-”

“I-I know where they are!” He struggled to his feet, tears still spreading down his face in webs. “They were- were in a big cave to the south! Please, we need to hurry!”

“Of course. Lead the way!”

He turned and ran, and I kept up with him at a fast jog - noticing seconds later that while Harper had caught up to me, he didn’t seem as concerned, as  _ desperate _ , as I was.

 

***

 

We’d entered the forest south of the village and walked for miles. “See that rock formation up ahead?” the boy asked as I looked up and saw the seemingly-haphazard mess of boulders just a few hundred yards away. “There’s an entrance to a cave in there! That’s where they’re holding my brothers!”

“I got you,” I said, nodding. “Show us where it is.”

He didn’t say a word, just picked up his pace. I bit my lip and looked to Harper, but he’d hadn’t looked at me the whole time - he stared resolutely ahead, lips pressed together tight, frowning. “What’s the big deal?” I whispered to him quickly, his eyes flickering to me vaguely. “I know this is out of nowhere, but we have to help this kid, especially if these are insurgents!”

“I don’t know,” he just said. “I don’t trust him.”

“ _ What _ ?” I cut back as we got closer to the rocks, close enough that the trees started dwindling away. “This kid’s lost his brothers!”

“Something just seems off about all of this,” he said. “I don’t like it.”

“Neither do I, but we don’t have a choice, do we?” I asked. “We can’t go on a journey and then pass every trouble we meet!”

“Nor can we stop to help every child that’s scraped his knee, you know.”

“This isn’t a matter of-!”

“We’re here.”

I looked back to the kid; he stood in front of a small opening in the rocks, one that was shadowed so deeply I couldn’t see well into it. It was only big enough for one person to go in at a time; the idea of little kids playing around inside made me feel uneasy.  _ It’s an obvious spot for a trap _ , I thought.  _ Hide inside the entrance, and you can grab anybody who wanders in unalert. _

Well, and the bright side was that I knew what was inside, or at least relatively. The downside was that I was beginning to breathe heavy - my lungs felt like they were filled with stones. I couldn’t back down, though; I had to rely on my luck. I looked to the kid again, taking note of his trembling chin and wide, pale eyes. “How many men were inside?” I asked. “One, two? A dozen? . . . A  _ baker’s _ dozen?”

He swallowed and shook his head. “S-Six or seven, I think, with my brothers. I don’t- I don’t want to go in first. I’m so s-scared.”

“You shouldn’t follow me in at all.”

“I can fight!” he insisted, lifting his wobbling chin. “I-I just don’t have a-”

I raised a hand, cutting him off. I looked him over; sure enough, I noticed a headband tied around his thigh, marked with the waterfall’s insignia. I nodded and reached into one of the open pockets of my bag, pulling out a kunai and handing it to him handle-first. “Follow my lead,” I said. “I have a friend who’ll be able to help too, so don’t worry, okay? Everything’s going to be okay.”

“Y-You go first,” he stuttered again.

“I will,” I said.

I nodded to Harper from the corner of my eye, and he nodded back, obviously unhappy. But I had to duck my head and walk in anyways, my hands to the walls, and it was so dark I even dared to do something I hadn’t done in a real confrontation before - I turned on my Sharingan and let it bleed into Mangekyo.

When I got into the cave, I noticed immediately that it was another bloody lake; there was a small hole in the ceiling, made by the intersections of well-supported rocks that created the roof. The water looked murky without the stronger light, but with my Sharingan on, I could see well enough to look into the water and see that there were no enemies  _ in _ the water, which was good enough because-

“HEY!”

I looked to the end and saw the men - six of them, like I’d thought, all big and bulking and crude. But then I noticed the most important thing, that when I looked at their numbers, I searched for smaller figures or other children or-

“W-Wait a sec!” I gasped, stepping back. “Something’s wrong! There aren’t any other-”

A sharp, stabbing  _ pain, _ breaking into my lower back.

And then I  _ screamed _ .


	32. Chapter 32

All training kicked in; my hand was grabbing my kodachi fast and dragging it free as I turned fast and aimed a blow at the man - no longer a boy - behind me. He leapt back and then rushed past me as I stumbled, the blade still piercing in my back; I heard Harper shout my name, grabbing my shoulders. “You’re back-!”

“Not now!” I broke free from his grip. The sword was forced into his hands as I turned to the men, feet slapping at the water as I ran forward, hands moving fast-

“FIRE STYLE!”

I blasted a stream of fire out; the men were lost in smoke with shouts. I leapt backwards to Harper, him supporting me as I reached to pull the kunai from my back.

“You idiot! Leave it in!” he shouted.

“It’ll get in the way!” I tossed back, gripping it as I pulled my blade from his hands. I looked back to the rest of the cave, looking for the shadows of humans as the flames died down-

“Ha! You’re fast, I’ll give you that!”

The voice was deep, but just like the boy’s; the dust settled, and I saw them: seven men, standing in a row, and in the center was an older version of the boy with dark hair and a twisted scowl. All of them had small, red clouds sewn into their shirts.

I grit my teeth.

“Akatsuki.”

“It’s a shock you didn’t figure out sooner what was going on,” he drawled as he took a sword from one of his men and balanced it in his hands. I could tell it was a wakizashi; far easier to conceal, I supposed. It was barely longer than my own blade. “What gave me away, anyways?”

“Lack of kids,” I hissed. “And, well, there were other signs I’d failed to notice, looking back.”

Harper grit his teeth. “Katya-”

“Not now.”

He stepped back, as if offended, but I couldn’t pay attention to him; the man was laughing, face twisted in mirth. “Oh, how rich! A little late to realize what was going on, huh? And by the way, thank you  _ so much _ for that kunai; helped me, should I say, stab you in the back.”

The men laughed, but I didn’t. “You didn’t hit any organs; it was an amateur’s shot,” I said. It still hurt like hell, but it made me feel better, so there.

“Does it matter? You’re so gullible,” he said, laughing again. “And you just so happened to show off that lovely Sharingan of yours, too! We’d heard of Uchihas in the north with the ability, but I hadn’t thought we’d find one so soon!”

They’d been looking for me? Or my family? Dammit! “Seems too coincidental that you found me so easily, out of everybody you could’ve run into,” I shot back as I tried to hide the wavering notes in my voice. “Any answers to that?”

“The lady took your name when you paid for attire, no?” He snickered. “I asked, she told. Katya Kameneva-Uchiha, you’ve got quite a reputation in that family name of yours.”

“Thanks for the reminder,” I spat back. “Seems you’ve got nothing to back you, though. I don’t even know your name.”

“Oh, how cute; you want to know my name.”

“It’d help, sure.”

“To know the name of your killer?”

“To know the name of the man I kill.”

He frowned, but I was running forward before Harper’s sudden shout could stop me. The man ran forward and slammed his blade into mine; they screetched on contact. He was stronger; I felt myself buckling. Beneath my feet, water churned-

“WATER STYLE!”

The men behind the first shouted as the water suddenly shot up. They were blasted to the ceiling; I took the moment to leap back, his sword hitting water before I ran back in and engaged again, our irons hitting each other’s as we began dancing for our lives.

My lungs were screaming; I dragged in precious air. “Y-You-!” I gasped, tried to force him back. “Who are you?!”

“Ha!” He swept at my legs; I leapt up and dove at him, only for him to block so quickly we were practically spitting in each other’s faces. “You can call me Zhan, precious.”

I shouted as he grabbed me and tossed me back as my feet scrambled for purchase. “Zh-Zhan, huh?” I asked. My lungs screamed with pain; I gripped my sword with sweat on my hands. “Must’ve had unique parents!”

“Like you, huh?”

I saw Harper yards in front of me, behind Zhan, tossing jutsu and water and blades at the rest of the men on his own, all six of them. I gasped as Zhan rushed me; I stumbled back and took him blow-for-blow. “D-dammit!” I gasped and ducked a blow. “Wh-Why do you want me anyway?!”

“Isn’t it obvious?” he grabbed me by the collar and shoved me back. “Your eyes, of course!”

“F-For your plans?! I’d never submit!” I shouted as I pushed myself back up. Things were getting twisted in my eyes; red and black were mixing sickeningly. “You know none of my family would ever submit to you!”

“Oh, but you’re wrong,” he sneered. “We just need somebody with the Sharingan to offer to our leader, Obito! Once we have that-”

“He’s dead, you fool!”

“I’ll never believe that!”

“Take the Hokage’s word for it and  _ do _ !”

He ran at me again, and his blow caught me in a cut across the cheek. I was too outmatched; I blinked sweat from my eyes and clashed with him again, but I was dizzy and breathless and couldn’t drag a breath. I was too slow - I looked back to Harper’s match and counted the men, only saw five-

A deep pain sank into my back and ripped open my flesh, and all I could do was let out a shrill wail as I felt my body collapse.

“Ha!” Zhan started to laugh, and I looked up and saw the sixth man laughing with him, leveling the sword at my neck, but then Zhan shouted “No! Don’t kill her!” I gasped and looked away, eyes shut, struggling to breathe; everything was constricted, from shoulders up, and it  _ hurt _ . The cut, it’d gone from my left shoulder to my waist; it was lucky I could still  _ move _ . I could feel my vision tightening with pain, sinking like black-

“You-!” Zhan grabbed me by the throat and lifted me up, squeezing. My eye went wide, for the other felt sealed shut with glue, and I couldn’t suck in any oxygen - I was  _ dying _ . “Not so strong now, are you?” he sneered, taking in my pale face. “I never thought you’d be such a sickly weakling!”

_ The asthma _ , I thought, feebly reaching for my bag.

“No you don’t!” He grabbed my hand and squeezed hard, and I heard bones pop, but I couldn’t scream; everything was burning up. “I’ll tell you this, our leader is  _ alive _ ; you’d do best to remember that!” he tossed my down and let me hit the water, my chakra barely keeping me up as I saw him look to his man and bark an order.

The world was dark; my heart shot through my chest. I saw the man approach, hands reaching out for me, and I blew out a whistle of a scream as I opened both burning eyes wide-

_ Black flames _ .

The man screamed and fell; his body hit the water, the flames burned. Zhan shouted, and I looked to him, and then his shirt was aflame and he was throwing it off and he ran, but the flames chased my vision until I felt wetness seep into them and they both closed, and I heard the man burning and screaming and dying, but my own body was too limp.

I could still hear the fighting with Harper, yards away, and I couldn’t do a thing.

 

***

 

_ “There’s something you should know about combat, Katya; you will always find a battle where you come out the weaker, either from numbers or strength.” _

We’d been sitting in the garden; I’d been seventeen, newly-turned. I looked up to him and asked, “Has that ever happened to you?”

He laughed and leaned back, his pale neck stretching from his hairline and curving down to cut off at the collar of his dark kimono. “Yes, it has; I fought the First Hokage for the last time and nearly died.”

“Really?” I leaned closer, eyes wide.

“Yeah; it wasn’t pretty. Almost beat him too, though I’m ashamed to say I almost killed him in the effort. Back then, we played for keeps,” he crossed his arms over his chest. “But my point has to do with when you find yourself in that situation, because it will happen someday, now, because you’re nearly a jonin; you’ll find yourself helpless and unable to achieve a goal.”

The thought scared me. “Then what do I do?”

“You get out,” he said simply. He looked down to me and gave me a handsome smile, one that only lifted one corner of his mouth. “You fight your way our or die trying. If not that, then you just lay down and die altogether, and that’s no way to go either, you hear me?”

I’d remembered that conversation as I laid down in the water during that battle, unable to pull a breath with the rest of my body shaking from blood loss and oxygen suffocation. I was too weak; I knew it. I couldn’t get my inhaler, I was so weak, and my energy and chakra were low.

But Harper was still fighting - I could hear it. I looked up and saw the men he was fighting, still five, and I knew I had to take Madara’s advice, possibly one last time.

My arms remembered the movements; they forced my body up, so first I struggled up, and then knelt, and then staggered to my feet. My eye was closed; I stumbled forward, everything hazy, but this time I knew what to do - I knew how to gather back the control I needed. I lacked energy, air, but I didn’t lack chakra.

I saw Harper look at me, and I heard him shout - but I still forced my eyes to the light, taking in all five men-

“AMATERASU!”

My painful faux-scream belted out with iron-black flames as all five men suddenly shouted as they lit up - I saw each tormented face for a split second before it burned, unreal fire sinking into flesh and reminding me of before, how I got the power - how I’d been able to use it now-

Needles seemed to stab into my eyes; I felt a surge of warmth again. My lungs constricted with burning pain, and then I felt my body give way, and I couldn’t even stop myself from hitting the water and sinking, sinking . . .

 

***

 

I came to briefly in somebody’s arms, somebody running and shouting for help.

Everything spun. I could barely breathe; somebody screamed as white walls entered my vision, and I felt people grabbing and pulling at my frame and forcing me onto a smooth surface, but I struggled - I couldn’t be taken, I couldn’t. My fist lashed out - somebody shouted, a blurred face dribbled red onto the floor. Calm hands grabbed mine, pinned me down, so I kicked and fought for air and arched against the pressure again me and shook with withheld tears.

In the corner of my vision, as I sank into darkness, a dream poked at my cheek and scowled.

“You’re still a fool,” the mirage of my brother said as I passed out one more time.


	33. Chapter 33

“It’s fine, we took her off of narcotics a few minutes ago - she’ll wake up any minute now-”

“You’re an awful bad doc if you think she needed to be put out for a week.”

“Young man, she was struggling for breath for several minutes before you applied the inhaler, from what I heard. We’ll be lucky if she hasn’t sustained brain damage. And she’s lucky that her chakra could-”

“I hope you’re kidding about the brain damage bit.”

“If she was still able to breathe at least a little bit at the point where you gave her the inhaler, then the damage should be minimal, if it exists at all; so yes, I suppose it was mostly a joke. You’re very lucky, any later and she would’ve-”

“Don’t. I don’t want to hear the ‘you’re-very-lucky’ speech. I just did what I had to.”

It was after that statement that I opted to open my eyes at last, and thankfully for me, they didn’t burn as they took in a bright white ceiling high above my head; in fact, nothing seemed to burn at all. The old mark on my chest was nonexistent in its pain; the stab and slash marks in my back ached, but didn’t hurt as badly as they had before. In fact, they didn’t even keep me from movement; I realized very slowly that I could sit up, so I forced myself to wrestle with my arms under the sheet, supporting me as I forced my torso upright.

Even still, I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked over to find stern eyes. Harper.

“You shouldn’t move,” was all he said.

“I’m fine,” I said. My throat felt raw; I hadn’t spoken in ages, it seemed.

Harper seemed to read my mind. “You’ve been out for days.”

“I’m okay.”

“You should still rest.”

“I’m not tired.”

He let me go as I managed myself fully upright. My old aches from the Land of Stone were gone; the ones from the cave battle just throbbed gently. I swallowed hard; it was dry, and the air was cold. I coughed and covered my mouth, surprised at how easy it was to breathe, considering the state I’d been in when I’d first sank away.

Harper got up and stepped away. “I’ll get you a glass of water,” he said.

“I can do it myself,” I said, but he shook his head and walked across the room to get it anyway.

When I looked around, I discovered that I was in a hospital room; there was an empty bed to the left side of me, and to the right, just feet away, was a door leading to the hallway outside. It was late evening, I supposed - the hallway was lit with synthetic lights. The doctor I’d heard earlier was nowhere to be seen.

Harper came back over with the water in hand, passing the glass to me carefully. “How much did you overhear?”

“Something about jokes about brain damage,” I said, and then I took a big gulp of water. It was cold, and it felt so good - I would’ve chugged the whole thing if Harper hadn’t grabbed my wrist and forced me to stop. I gifted him a glare for that.

“So you eavesdropped on that much. Whee,” he said, scowling. “You passed out after that crazy trick with the black flames, which, by the way, totally  _ worked _ \- all the men back there are dead. I saved you from the water, grabbed your emergency inhaler, and forced you take a breath before picking you up and running back to Takigakure, where we are now,” he paused. “. . . None of the nurses saw me. They took you from my arms, but they didn’t see me. I heard them talking later about how you’d been able to walk in as injured as you were.”

He sounded sour; it made me feel like I couldn’t breathe again, although this time for different reasons. I lowered my eyes to my glass again. “Then what?” I asked.

He sighed. “The medic-nins healed you up pretty fast; they decided to put you on a narcotic and then took you off a few minutes ago once they were sure there was no brain damage. The doctor had to assure them of that; he’s the only one who could  _ see _ me.”

I swallowed. “You sound bitter about it.”

“Katya,  _ two guys _ didn’t see me back at the cave. You could’ve  _ died _ to them. I told you not to trust the kid, dammit.”

Shit. Yeah, the “kid” had been a genjutsu - I realized that for the first time, although I’d broken it when I’d turned on the Mangekyo before. But more than that, he’d merely tricked me with that appearance; his words had been clear, but no more manipulative than anybody else’s. I looked away from Harper, suddenly unable to meet his eyes. “Um,” I whispered instead, softly. “His name is Zhan. He told me so.”

_ Slam _ . His fist hit the wall, and I turned back with wide eyes as his own glared into mine and he shouted, “Fuck his name! You let yourself get tricked, dammit! I  _ warned _ you-!”

“I didn’t  _ mean _ it!” I suddenly shouted back. “I couldn’t let- he looked like my  _ brother _ , and-!”

My throat caught, and I leaned forward and coughed, hard. Harper didn’t even touch me, didn’t even bother; he just sat back and watched, scowling. I tried to gather my breath again, lifting the glass to my lips and tipping the water down, but I’d spilled so much of it on my lap during the fit that only a small stream was there to soothe my aches. I leaned back and took big belly breaths, feeling myself shake as my eyes shut.

“. . . I’m sorry,” Harper said coldly. “But it’s the truth.”

I took a breath again, let it out. “If you’d been visible to the other two,” I realized aloud, “I wouldn’t be in the hospital right now.”

. . . It was a cruel thing to say.

But he looked away and shut his mouth, and I wondered if he was keeping something from me.

 

***

 

He was.

And it started when I went to check out of the hospital at the front desk a few days later.

“Good to see you on your feet again, ma’am,” the lady across the desk said with a kind smile as she sorted around paperwork. “It’s been a week since you’ve been brought in, correct? You healed fast.”

“I suppose so,” I said quietly, rubbing at my eyes. Already I’d begun to feel effects from the uncontrollable flames I’d manifested before; everything looked a little darker, a little blurrier. Not enough to become a serious hindrance, but enough that I noticed.

Harper stood next to me as I filled out paperwork. He leaned against the desk and stared around the room behind us, probably taking in the people walking and running through the front doors. We hadn’t had the chance to speak much - he’d still been angry at me for the comment from before - and he didn’t try speaking to me then, so I had to do nothing but let it lie. It was becoming an annoyance, and I’d thought about apologizing, but I just couldn’t seem to find the words. My head had been spinning from everything going on, as if things had been moving too fast.

Suddenly, the nurse’s voice took my attention away again. “You’re the one that came in a few days ago with the asthma and injuries, right?”

I held my breath for a second before nodding. “Th-That’s me, ma’am.”

“Oh! It says in your records you’re an Uchiha as well!” she gasped and put a hand to her mouth. “A reputation, indeed!”

Reputation? “What do you mean?” I asked.

“Oh, well, you walked in here with all of those injuries and just collapsed, dearie! We’d heard later you’d come from miles outside the city, and the fact that you’d gone so far and so weary, too-!” she clasped her hands together and looked up at me with a smile. “Word’s been going around that there’s a lady with enough strength to withstand a beating and an asthma attack, and  _ still _ break a woman’s nose! Alice wasn’t too happy when you did it, but to have the strength to do all of that- well, you’ve been the talk all around Takigakure! Everybody’s been  _ dying _ to meet you!”

I . . . Legitimately . . . Had no idea what to say.

She gave me the okay and gave me the rest of my papers - and medications - for me to tuck into my bags. “Let us know if you ever pass through again, okay?” she asked happily.

I glanced over at Harper, who didn’t bother glancing back.

I couldn’t even manage to give her a smile.

“I-I will, thanks . . .”

 

***

 

When we passed through the rest of Takigakure, through the urban and suburban areas before exiting the city altogether, we were followed by whispers. Well, more like  _ I _ was followed by whispers - whispers about the powerful Uchiha that had been passing through, that had fought seven incredibly powerful men and still managed to survive the task and drag herself to the hospital, that had eyes which cried blood as she looked you over. They were all exaggerated, but the base of them - the base was true.

They wrapped around my neck and pressed against my windpipe until I felt pressed for breath again.

I looked to Harper, eyes wide, and felt a sharp pain in my chest - hurt.

“Is- is this what you’ve been keeping from me? For being so mean to you before?”

He didn’t answer me. He didn’t even turn to look.

“Look, Harper, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I know nobody could see you, but I don’t like this either, and I need you to be the one person that doesn’t believe them right now-”

He looked back to me with a hard look, like he was trying to figure out my game.

. . . So I shut my mouth and swallowed hard, and then I looked away and tried to pretend I wasn’t brushing away tears.

 

***

 

And then, a few days later, it happened.

We entered a village, and the moment everybody saw us -  _ me _ \- a hush fell in the streets.

I nearly stopped in the road when it happened. In fact, I nearly stopped breathing, too. Everybody looked back at me with wide eyes, eyes even wider than my own, and huddled with their backs to walls just to stay as far away from me as they dared. Even the children cowered at their parents’ legs, sucking their thumbs, afraid. It felt like my heart was pounding.

Harper didn’t stop. He kept walking. Walking, walking, walking.

I’d taken off my haori earlier - I hugged it to my chest as I walked after him, staring around at all the people who stared at me and didn’t look away. I felt so small, all out of nowhere, but I kept moving, watched Harper’s back. I could even feel tears bud at my eyes, and I had to repress a tiny sob.

Harper didn’t even look at me. I heard him mutter, “So these rumors have traveled this far, too.”

Something in me, something small and hurt and afraid, snapped.

I threw my bundled haori so hard at his back I saw him stumble.

“WHY?!”

My shout echoed through the streets; we’d stopped at an intersecting point, and my scream passed through all of the open roads. Harper grabbed the bundle from his back and turned back to him, eyes angry as he threw it back. “What the heck was that for-?!”

“YOU DID THIS! YOU MADE ALL OF THIS HAPPEN, YOU STUPID-”

“Are you an idiot?!” he shot back with fists waving. “Why would I-”

“NOBODY CAN  _ SEE _ YOU! EVERYBODY THINKS I’M SOME SORT OF- OF-” I couldn’t even find the words. I choked as I felt tears roll over my cheeks, my voice hoarse. “I THOUGHT WE WERE  _ FRIENDS _ , HARPER!”

“Of course we are!” he said. “That’s why I-”

“WHY YOU’RE LETTING THIS HAPPEN?!”

“GOD DAMMIT, WOULD YOU EVEN LISTEN TO ME?!” he finally shouted, taking a threatening step closer. “I DIDN’T DO THIS!”

“YES YOU DID! YOU SPENT SIX FUCKING MONTHS SULKING ABOUT LIKE A NIHILIST AND THEN USED  _ ME _ AS AN EXCUSE FOR SOME EXCITEMENT IN YOUR LIFE, YOU SICK AND TWISTED  _ BASTARD _ !”

He stopped, stared.

And my breath halted in my throat.

. . . After long, long seconds, Harper turned on his heel and walked away.

 

***

 

I’d had my face buried in my hands for what felt like hours. They came away from my face again and again wet with tears; I worried that I’d eventually start crying blood, giving another reason for the people around me to fear. At that point, though, there was barely anybody left; they’d all hidden inside their houses, undoubtedly afraid of me and my crazy rantings to a man who wasn’t there.

. . . I was alone.

I sobbed from somewhere deep in my chest.

The small, hurt thing from before was prowling about in my chest again, and I knew what it was - it was a little monster, clawing at its cage, trying to get out. It was composed of all of the fears I’d built up in the previous months, all of the fears and self-loathings and memories built up in my chest like concrete bricks to form a living statue of an angry baby tiger. It growled out in childish imitation and swiped at the inner lining of my ribs; it acted as a beast. It came out looking like a cub.

The cub was alone.

Suddenly, I found myself breaking into a run, suddenly afraid, suddenly afraid that he’d-

“HARPER! DON’T LEAVE ME!”

But I got to the end of the street, the street that ended with the village, and though I looked around and searched as fast as I could and even doubled back to see if he was still there, in the village, I couldn’t find him.

Harper had left me.

And I wasn’t even able to tell him that I was sorry.


	34. Chapter 34

I was numb and alone.

I left the village behind me and made camp in a cosp of trees nearby, allowing Hashi to roam the forest for the night, lying on the forest floor to sleep like the animal I was.

 

***

 

With the winter nighttimes beginning to settle in, I had no choice but to abandon the practices that I’d begun in an effort to stave off the nightmares. Instead, I had to sit by the fire and watch it burn down, only to build it up again; it was getting too chilly, after all, to let it burn out. I tried to keep myself from crawling into my bedroll for as long as I possibly could, sometimes late into the night, but I had to curl up and fall asleep eventually, so each night, I did.

I always woke up in tears, whether because I’d dreamed of terror or of nothing at all.

I didn’t pick up my pace at all with Harper gone; I kept it the same. I hoped that Harper was going to come find me again, that maybe he hadn’t really left at all. Every time I thought of him, a part of my chest constricted; it was so bad that at one point, I had to stop and sit down, feeling like an utter traitor. I’d thought, maybe, that sitting and waiting and showing how  _ miserable _ I felt would make him take pity on me and come back, to forgive me.

He never showed up. I struggled to my feet and walked on, even as tears froze to my face.

The only bright side was that in the effort it took to stop sleeping, I began to write. I’d woken up minutes after trying to fall asleep; I’d nearly sat up sideways and burned myself in the flames. I cried out and lurched back, unharmed, but it left me shaking.  _ I can’t sleep so close to the fire _ , I thought, and then I shivered as I felt colder and colder in my own skin.  _ Then again _ , I thought,  _ maybe burning’s better than freezing. _

I sighed and sat up, curling my legs into my body as I buried my face in my knees. My shoulders shook with cold and agony, and my shoes had been wearing down so much that I was beginning to break through the soles. I’d need new shoes soon, I knew, but I was low enough on supplies already, and I would have to go into the next town I found and hope that they hadn’t heard my name. Even then, though, I didn’t have much of a choice, even if they  _ did _ grab their children and run into their houses in fear. After all, I hadn’t known how quickly rumors could be traded before.

My fingers were beginning to get cold; I flexed them and clawed them into my legs, hoping to warm them up. For a split second, I wondered if I had gloves; I reached for my bag feet away and zipped it open, hoping to find  _ something _ -

Almost immediately, two things fell out of my bag: the notebook I’d bought in Konoha and a pen.

I paused for just a moment, staring at them. I’d forgotten I’d even had them, having pushed them to the bottom of my bag after the whole asthma debacle.  _ Strange _ , I thought; they should’ve been to the bottom of my bag. I sighed and searched through my bag again, hoping to find something that would warm my frigid fingers.

Alas, no luck. I zipped up my bag and put it back before realizing I’d left the notebook and pen out, so I picked them up and weighed them in my hands, thinking of a silly dream of writing home.

_ There’d be no way to send a letter _ , I thought distractedly, but another thought piped up and asked,  _ does it matter? _ After all, my hands were cold and movement was meant to make them better, and if I was going to be awake anyways, I might as well. And besides, with all of thoughts rampant in my head . . .

I uncapped the pen and opened the notebook, running ink in loopdy-loops before scribbling out my starting lines after a moment’s hesitation.

_ Mom, Dad, Shisui _ , I wrote,  _ You haven’t heard from me since Konoha, and I can’t sleep, so I think it’s only fair you know what’s been going on - how I made a friend, lost the friend, and gained a reputation I was always so afraid of. _

Tears soaked down my cheeks as I wrote, but I pressed on, and what felt like hours later, I realized that not only had I fallen asleep dreamless, I’d also written several pages of report.

I decided to make it my habit the next night when, after shoving them into the bottom of my bag again, I found them laid out on my bedroll without even realizing I’d taken them out.

 

***

 

I’d finally made it to the village and realized two things: one, the paranoia of everybody’s expectations of me was weighing me down more, like a physical presence.

And two, my money had run dry at last.

I had enough for a few loaves of bread, but though I tried my hardest to count my money carefully, I had no money to afford the heavy winter cloaks for sale in a little outdoor corner shop near the outskirts of the village.

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” the man said (with a face creased so malevolently I knew it was a lie), “But everybody’s looking for cloaks like these with this weather around. You’d be better off asking around in the next village.”

“I don’t have t-time,” I pleaded, rubbing at my arms. Though I’d bought a turtleneck at Takigakure shortly after the visit at the hospital, it wasn’t thick enough to ward off the oncoming cold, and besides that, the sky had clunked together with storm clouds, and I knew to expect a blizzard. “I’ll already be sleeping in the cold tonight, sir,” I added with that note. “I can’t even afford a hotel room. Please, I . . .”

He shook his head. “I don’t cater to peasants.”

“But I’m not a peasant, sir, I’m a traveler!” I said, grabbing my headband, before insisting, “I promise I can find a way to pay you back, if that’s the problem, but I’ll freeze without a cloak, please! I’ll do anything I can, please!”

“Enough,” he growled. “If you can’t buy, then get out.”

I stepped back, wounded by his harsh words. I felt tears bead up behind my ears, but I shut them hard and pretended they weren’t there. But it was so hard to, with the thickness in my throat, and it made me feel like doubling over and throwing up whatever emptiness there was in my stomach. My head rattled with raw emotion, and the feeling of paranoia just got worse. It was almost a familiar feeling, too - I sighed and thought,  _ great, I’m getting used to the paranoia. Fantastic. _

Still, though, I lifted my hands and rubbed at my temples. Everything was getting cold - my digits, my nose. I reached up to massage the tips of my ears as well as I blew out cold breaths of fog.  _ Maybe I can try to use my fire to warm up a little more _ , I thought hesitantly.  _ After all, my body should be a little warmer with my ability. Maybe if I just do that- _

Suddenly, the feeling of paranoia increased - and that was when I realized it wasn’t paranoia at all.

It was a chakra presence.

I whirled around, searching for it, and I knew the man at the store was staring at me, but I couldn’t care- I  _ knew _ that chakra, I knew it as well as I knew my own, and my eyes searched through the streets to the last one, exiting the village, and I squinted and took a few steps forward and felt my eyes widen as I saw a single figure-

I gasped.

And then I broke into a harsh sprint.

 

***

 

My feet were worn numb; my shoes finally broke from their patter as I ran to the man in the distance, the man that became clearer and clearer the closer I got to him. My breath burst in puffs; my lungs ached. I forced my vision to extend, to take in the dark hair and dark clothes and pale face and oh, just that familiar figure,  _ god _ I had missed him so much-

The man stopped, staring at me, probably - so I finally shouted his name.

“MADARA!”

Suddenly, I saw him break into a run too.

 

***

 

He’d slowed when we got closer, when I could see the grey in his eyes, but I didn’t care.  _ Didn’t. Care. _

I threw myself into his arms and grabbed onto him hard, crying out his name.

“Katya?!” 

He sounded shocked, unbelieving, but he was so warm and still smelled of smoke and musk, and I buried my face in his chest and realized with a shock that I was crying, gripping him hard and beginning to sob. He was a head taller than me; he crushed me in a returning hug and put his chin on my head, muttering something about “didn’t expect to find you here” and “god, you’re freezing” and “ _ god _ , you’re  _ freezing _ ,” and he made to push me away but I just gripped him harder. I couldn’t breathe through tears. I just pressed my face against his shoulder.

“Ma- Mada-” I sobbed and gripped the back of his shirt in my hands, unable to quiet the raging tears that shook my form. “M-Madara, it’s been s-s-so t-t-terrib-ble-!”

I wailed and cried even  _ harder _ as I thought of Harper, of Dei, of the neverending cold that had been following me like the reputation I wanted to throw away - but at least he stopped trying to push me back and finally put his arms back around me again, keeping me close.

“It’s alright, Katya. It’s alright. You’re going to be fine. Whatever the hell happened, whatever you went through while I was gone, it’s all okay now. I’m right here,” he stopped, then muttered, “I’m finally here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> . . . you have reached the ending of the story.
> 
> You're probably thinking to yourself, "Wait, what?! It ends HERE?!". And I completely understand why - but yeah, for some reason, eighteen-year old me dropped the ball and never finished this story. They had good intentions, of course, but this simply wasn't a project they were going to complete. They went on to university and began a new project, also in the scope of Naruto, but with a different character, and in a different time (?).
> 
> Do I know what happens after this? Yeah. Perhaps some day I'll write what happens, if anybody's curious. But for now, it's one in the morning, and I'm not even sure that anybody cares yet. If some day that changes, then I'll gladly put up a synopsis of how the story ends.
> 
> Am I ever going to return to this story? Yes - and no. Katya is an interesting character because she is a character coming of age, which is the character I needed really badly at the time I wrote her. She helped me a lot to get my different ideas sorted out, but will she come back in this story specifically? Probably not. More likely she will appear in my other works; her mother, Natasha, has her own story she goes through, and Katya will likely have her own story following that.
> 
> So this isn't the end for Katya. It's more like her beginning.
> 
> Thank you for reading this! If you've made it to the end, let me know! And I hope you enjoyed yourself. I know this work hasn't been perfect (as I have said, I was only eighteen), but even though it didn't stand the test of time in some ways, I hope it still provided some entertainment.


End file.
